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Sometimes, just sometimes you know when something is going to hit you full pelt. Perhaps it is some sort of sixth sense. I have always dreaded this moment. I knew it would come. Particularly when family life here was going smoothly a while back. Pessimistic or realistic, call it what you like, but when things in life are going smoothly and people all around you have their own sets of problems, you do begin to wonder when your problems will come!

Well, I didn't realise I would be the cause of mine. Not the entire cause, but the one who would bring the decision nearer, who would start the ball rolling to break up the family. Once it was reality I remember thinking that things don't roll along smoothly forever. I remember thinking, this was it, the thing that was going to happen. I always thought it would be illness of a parent or something like that, when I got to this point in my life.

And now, all of a sudden, I am faced with that too. The inevitable illness of a parent as they get older. Of my Mum. It's not for sure, yet. By tomorrow we should know. I am in that place I never wanted to be. It was inevitable, I could almost feel it in my bones of late. I'm not sure my state of mind can cope with this as well as everything else. I need to be strong.