tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-60094687223267510502024-03-14T02:47:48.554+00:00Moments from SuburbiaMy Moments...Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.comBlogger691125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-48364882563836571792021-01-07T23:19:00.000+00:002021-01-07T23:19:10.632+00:00Small Sprog turns 21 this month!<p>Yep, that's right! Where did all that time go I hear you ask...if you are still here that is. (Well it was 2008 once!)</p><p>And what does a Small Sprog want for his 21st birthday? A 3D printer I hear you reply! You didn't did you? I mean who would expect a small boy - largish man now, to want a 3D printer for his birthday? Or cash towards it anyway. </p><p>So we had this conversation on the landing earlier:</p><p>Him: 'You know I can print out my Warhammer figures now?"</p><p>Me: 'Yes'</p><p>Him: 'Did you know you can print out a whole body suit of armour?'</p><p>Me: 'Can you?' I must have looked aghast as the image of him in full Darth Vader crossed my mind in vivid technicolour (I know it's mainly black but you know what I mean?)</p><p>Him: 'It's ok" he reassures me (he had registered my facial expression) 'I'm not planning to print one'</p><p>That's good, I thought.</p><p>Him: 'Some things take sixteen hours to print'</p><p>I start to think; electric bill, noise, where will we keep it all. It will be like when he, and his sister, were born, the house just suddenly filled with different plastic items, all in primary colours, that apparently 'baby' couldn't live without. Not to mention the crippling (literally when you stand on it bare foot) amount of lego we amassed - most of which he probably has stashed away somewhere in the room he lives in, which I mostly avoid.</p><p>My mind wanders for a moment to whether we can melt down the lego pieces to feed the 3D printer as a means of economy and ethical living - then I snap back to my senses...</p><p>Me: 'Sixty?!'</p><p>Him: 'No, sixteen!...And you know busts?'</p><p>Me: 'Busts?' </p><p>Him: 'Yes'</p><p>Me: 'What, like comedy breasts?' </p><p>I couldn't help myself!</p><p>Him: 'NO!'</p><p>Me: 'I was trying to be funny'! I say, giggling.</p><p>He rolls his eyes and walks off in the direction of the toilet....</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O9XKYM1I0gI/X_eTg5UP_AI/AAAAAAAAHsU/voMWlrkF9NM-YKqoQiLD5Aayyq-zgn3DwCLcBGAsYHQ/s1082/Screenshot%2B2021-01-07%2Bat%2B23.03.06.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1082" data-original-width="834" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-O9XKYM1I0gI/X_eTg5UP_AI/AAAAAAAAHsU/voMWlrkF9NM-YKqoQiLD5Aayyq-zgn3DwCLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Screenshot%2B2021-01-07%2Bat%2B23.03.06.png" /></a></div><p></p>Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-46692056478964853102018-07-28T16:37:00.001+01:002018-07-28T16:37:11.648+01:00I shouldn't really be here...I should be writing my 'theoretical framework' for my case study. I'm bored and to be honest a bit confused, so I'm here instead to see if anyone is about who wants to come out to play?<br />
<br />
I used to love this place to find playmates and lose myself in a different time continuum that is the internet but it's not quite the same any more is it?<br />
<br />
Anyway, what I do know is I have a block, both with the essay and all the things I really 'should' be doing. For goodness sake I could be moving house in a few weeks time! Can someone disconnect me please so I can get on with packing boxes?<br />
<br />
Goes off muttering something about 'mercury in retrograde'...Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-47895857801849868172018-06-23T18:22:00.000+01:002018-06-23T18:25:53.514+01:00Nothing ever stays the sameIts been 2 years exactly since we all moved into this house and into a new adventure. I thought I knew how it would pan out, I thought it would be something which it has not been, I look back today and wonder what it was all about.<br />
<br />
This year is made of losses. I knew some were coming and I could feel others brewing but one in particular that I could have foreseen has just snuck up on me. Tall Girl has left the building! Yep, my absolutely beautiful daughter child has upped sticks and moved around the corner into her own place. I should have expected it, she's 22 this year after all, and has been desperate to 'nest' but it seemed, as she didn't go to university, that she'd be with me forever.<br />
<br />
She has been my rock in a stormy place so many times of late and I question if this is healthy for her. Yet we seem to get on, I have lived with her longer than anyone else in my life - 22 wonderful years of getting to know her and seeing her grow into this beautiful and independent woman she has now become.<br />
<br />
Things are as they should be. We birth them, nurture them and then watch them fly. It is the nature of things. Yet...it is so difficult to watch them go.<br />
<br />
She has kept me sane, shown me whats right, helped me enjoy my life. We have lived together, laughed together, enjoyed bottles of wine together - not to mention the cider - we have grown together in adulthood. In any other relationship she would be my soul mate. She has certainly kept me company these last two years.<br />
<br />
She moved out the week before my birthday, for weeks before that I had cried a lot of tears that were for the loss of her and even deeper for the loss of my birth father that I had never really mourned. I was in pain. But, in the true sense of motherhood, I did my best to look calm and carry on. This is what I did.<br />
<br />
I helped her pack her belongings into boxes, we looked at old photos, toddler drawings and tiny shoes. We packed up china and all the things she's been saving for her 'bottom drawer' as well as all the best cookery books! It was one of the hardest jobs I've ever done.<br />
<br />
Yet she's only round the corner - for now- and we've had three nights out in the last week! As I write she's just texted me to say she's coming round for a BBQ! I was thinking of shelving the BBQ!<br />
<br />
So nothing much has changed. Not really, I'm telling myself, yet I know she will never really live with me again. She may for a short while but the cord has been broken for the second time and my new house will never really be her real home.<br />
<br />
I go up to her empty room and try not to cry. I remember sitting up there with her while the sun set drinking gin, and another time drying her tears after the kitchen was nearly set alight and yet another time watching a film, listening to music, watching her brush her long brown hair, her delight at moving in, her messiness, not knowing what on the floor was actually washing... the list and the memories are endless.<br />
<br />
I miss her in the 5 minutes I'd see her before she dashed off to work, I miss her sitting on the sofa or helping me cook or - though we haven't done it much in this house - dancing in the kitchen, that really was our forte!<br />
<br />
Its been a hell of a year with far more loss left to come. But with every ending comes a new beginning and, somewhere in the ether, I can see a small glimmer of light...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-39940360219559008822017-10-02T15:49:00.002+01:002017-10-02T15:53:32.841+01:00It's a cats life!Thursday night I'm woken by the sound of banging and crashing downstairs in the hall. I listen intently, wondering whether to get up and explore or whether to leave it and be murdered in my bed. I fall back to sleep.<br />
<br />
In the morning I wake up to find all the shoes, that are usually stored neatly under the bench in the hall, strewn across the floor. "Hmmm... I'm guessing the cat brought a mouse in and lost it" I say to Big Al who is somewhere else in the country working. I check the shoes and store them neatly again. Seems like the mouse may have met his maker elsewhere, as long as the cat didn't leave entrails in my shoe, life will be fine.<br />
<br />
Later...<br />
<br />
I'm in the pub on a Friday night with Big Al and my phone goes - a text from Tall girl who I left at home watching TV. "Mouse!" it read.<br />
B***er! I thought. The little B*****d must have been hiding.<br />
A photo comes through on my phone of the mouse, looking very much alive.<br />
"Catch it in a sieve" I type. It was all I could think of at the time as wine had been consumed.<br />
"I've shut myself in the sitting room" she texts back.<br />
"But they can squeeze under doors" I reply.<br />
"Oh"<br />
"Big Al says Josie will catch it for you"<br />
"Big Al is wrong" came the text after a few minutes.<br />
"A job for Sam then (the boyfriend) when he arrives?"<br />
"Sam doesn't like mice" she texts "they have one in their house too!"<br />
It all goes quiet for a while. Then she sends a photo of the cat asleep with all his legs in the air - that's clearly not going to help either.<br />
<br />
I start to forget about the whole thing when the phone pings again with a text that says "It's really fast!"<br />
then...<br />
"I don't like it!"<br />
Then...<br />
"Help!"<br />
<br />
By this time tears were rolling down my cheeks and I assured her we'd be home soon. I text her to say this and to make sure the cat is out of the room and that the mouse is barricaded in as she wouldn't want to witness a massacre.<br />
<br />
When we get home I put Big Al in the sitting room to catch the mouse. He promptly flicks on Match of the Day and sits down to watch it while the mouse hides under the sofa.<br />
<br />
I go to bed.<br />
<br />
In the morning the mouse is stiff as a board under the kitchen table. I look at the cat. He's not taking responsibility for anything. He shrugs and moves on.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-14568905754661982382017-05-30T08:19:00.001+01:002017-05-30T08:27:09.243+01:00A walk around Mums GardenI turn up with a bunch of Sweet Williams which we both sniff as I walk in and make the same disappointed face to. "Maybe they'll start to smell later" I state, though why they should do that I have no idea, but it seemed to make both of us happier!<br />
<br />
I am at Mums. I am able to walk here, now we live so close, but it seems I see less of her now than when I had to drive an hour to get here. Odd really, but maybe it has to do with avoiding the stepfather, which is possible now that I don't have to stay for a whole day.<br />
<br />
It is lovely here in the sun. I get two deck chairs out of the garage, directed by Mum, who always despairs about 'the state of the garage'. Anyway, I arrange them in semi-shade on the grass before realising I'd arranged them around the fish...yes, that's right, not the 'fish pond' but just the fish - last nights leftovers left out for the birds! Blatantly crows don't eat fish skin, and who could blame them? The shiny skins glistened in the increasing heat of the day. I thought about removing them but then Mum decided that we could just move the chairs a bit further away, so we did but the skins kept distracting me in a disturbing way, like some sort of macabre art installation.<br />
<br />
We had a little 'tour' of the garden. It did look lovely, with lots in bloom and potential for lots more. I miss my garden at these moments especially as so much of Mums garden was also in mine so would also have been in bloom now.<br />
<br />
We looked at the new roses, which were perfectly manicured and the Iris - not so good this year - before hop skipping over the fish again to look at the Hostas.<br />
"The slugs are eating them" squeals Mum.<br />
"You can't kill the slugs!" I say, "they could have been someones mother" - perhaps I have spent too long at the Buddhist Centre recently.<br />
"But they're eating all my lovely plants!" she says as though in pain.<br />
"They can't help it" I say "that's just nature."<br />
"I wish they'd just eat the weeds instead" she says exasperated.<br />
"I don't think the slugs can tell the difference between a 'weed' and a 'proper' plant Mum"!<br />
<br />
She starts a mass massacre of greenfly on some buds elsewhere in the garden and I look on mournfully having resisted rescuing my pansies recently from an infestation of white fly (reincarnated mothers!) but instead watched the white fly massacre my plants.Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-42507273948460135862017-01-25T20:01:00.000+00:002017-01-27T17:46:28.022+00:00Happy Birthday!How do you count the passing of time? For me it has always been through the growing up of children. Not always my own. Years ago my very good friend had children before I'd even thought I'd ever be a mother and watching them grow back then, that was my marker of time. One of them has their own children now - all so strange in a way - it's part of what we are here for as a human race, yet the passing of time is not an even flow, where does it all go?<br />
<br />
Last week I met up with a few of my anti natal group. All of our oldest children are now 20, were 20, within 6 weeks of each other. It's a strange mix, that group. We all get on but we are all so different and the only way we know each other is the fact that we conceived within weeks of each other and lived in the same district nurse area.<br />
<br />
Years ago when we managed to leave the 'ankle biters' for the night - which was never easy - we used to exchange birthing stories! No, really, there's somethings you can only appreciate with certain people and we all knew each others stories well. This week we talked about the menopause! Yep, that's how long it's been.<br />
<br />
And here's the real reason for this post. This week it's Small Sprogs birthday, he is 17. So how did we come this far? We have had a family day with Laser Tag and pizza to celebrate early. Everyone attended as did a new comer - Tall Girls first boyfriend. I love the way we have so many more people in our family now and the love is very tangible whenever we get together, I am truly blessed.<br />
<br />
So, 17. Its only a year since I wrote this <a href="http://momentsfromsuburbia.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/halfling.html" target="_blank">post </a> and we were still living in Bristol, just the 3 of us and I wasn't married quite yet.<br />
<br />
Every year, at poignant times, I do the <i>looking back/looking forward</i> thing. I do it much less often and I can't remember the last time I did it with regret. At the moment I do it with pure wonder. How did I get here? How did I get us all here?<br />
<br />
These days its not all up to me. Big Al is great at planning and I can take a back seat with the worrying too. I guess somethings are meant to be? Do we make our own future?<br />
<br />
How do you count the passing of time?<br />
<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-41622314731156256292017-01-22T19:32:00.003+00:002017-01-22T19:38:39.705+00:00In which we look for something that is lost...We turn up at Mums at about 11am. I ring the bell. She's in instant panic mode even though she knows we're coming. "I've lost Tall Girls 'speciality' tea!"she exclaims.<br />
"Never mind, I'm sure we'll find it" I sooth.<br />
"But she gave it to me for Christmas" she said.<br />
<br />
We wander in.<br />
<br />
She's often flustered these days, she's always been good at loosing things but now she panics more about it. The other day she lost her car keys, they had fallen out of her pocket into my car, and it was very nearly too much for her. Of course there have been times in the past where she's left her purse on the bonnet of the car and had a couple of hours elsewhere before missing it, only to return and it still being there - goodness knows how that happened. And remember the Christmas presents that survived a short journey <i>on top</i> of her car instead of inside?<br />
<br />
Anyway, she boils the kettle and we start to look for the tea.<br />
<br />
Tall Girl reminds me it is in a bright orange box - you'd think that was difficult enough to lose but nope. We searched every cupboard in the kitchen and then took to looking in other rooms too, even the bathroom, but to no avail. What had she done with it? We give up. We both have a sneaking suspicion that she's thrown it out by mistake.<br />
<br />
Our time there passes pleasantly and we all resign ourselves to the fact that the tea is missing and may never be found. It's like there's a whole Bermuda Triangle somewhere in that house.<br />
<br />
Later at home Tall Girl gets a text *found it!*<br />
"She's found it" Tall Girl passes the message on<br />
"Is that it?" I exclaim, "Is that all she said? Where did she find it?"<br />
"Hang on, I'll ask"...<br />
<br />
Turns out she'd forgotten she'd decanted it into a jar and put it in the food cupboard. Quite sensible really, if only she'd remembered.<br />
<br />
Still, I opened the dishwasher last week to put in some food that needed to be kept cold! Well it was almost the fridge!Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-76844317911834384182016-12-31T17:35:00.002+00:002017-11-01T21:43:52.560+00:00Happy New Year!Wow! That was a big year, wedding, house moves, new schools and colleges. All such a new life.<br />
<br />
Wishing you all a great 2017<br />
<br />
Tall Girl and I are hoping for a less frantic and more restful year than the last - it was good but exhausting!<br />
<br />
Fingers crossed and see you all on the other side<br />
<br />
Love Suburbia xSuburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-72280444823135467082016-12-05T22:21:00.001+00:002016-12-05T22:28:09.137+00:00In which The Cat has a dastardly planI plump myself down on Small Sprogs bed. He looks at me with a withering look. I smile!<br />
"Whats up dude?" he says.<br />
I giggle "Just checking you're still breathing" I retort.<br />
<br />
I try to engage him in conversation and for a moment he takes off half an earphone to listen and puts whoever's on Skype, on silent.<br />
<br />
I can still tell Small Sprog is in there, it's just hard to find him sometimes due to the huge amount of hair and the teenage propensity towards grunting unless you are a friend - and I am blatantly his mother. However we do manage very good conversations about music sometimes, as we have similar tastes but that's usually in the car.<br />
<br />
I realise, after a minute or so, that my time is almost up...and then The Cat runs in. Now The Cat is all knowing, and he knows full well he's not allowed in this room as Small Sprog has a tendency toward wheezing when fur is involved. "Out!" we both shout, simultaneously pointing to the door, but cat's just don't get pointing. He looks at our held out arms in bewilderment (fake obviously as he is all knowing) and refuses to budge. I take a step towards him and he jumps into a box. Great! He's done this before and the only thing to do is carry the box out with The Cat in it. This is what I do, carefully placing it and it's contence on the landing. And then I realise both The Cat and I are now outside of Small Sprog's room -perfect - just how Small Sprog likes it!<br />
<br />
Seconds later Big Al is on the landing shouting expletives in a very Scottish way - probably because he is Scottish. Turns out the box on the landing wasn't there a few moments ago when he walked the other way, who put it there and why has he fallen over it? The Cat's work is done - Game, set and match!Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-90065437783186776132016-10-14T20:06:00.000+01:002017-11-01T21:43:24.248+00:00Here we areIt's 4ish months since we all moved in here. At first it felt like a holiday home as all the teens had finished GCSEs and we all hung about the house happily together. Now the school and college year has begun we have slipped into a pleasant routine but it seems more hectic than ever!<br />
<br />
So I'm sitting here tonight, thanking my lucky stars. We had Big Als mates around for dinner last weekend and they commented on how all the teens seem to get on well together, and they do. How did that happen? We are truly blessed.<br />
<br />
And the new house? Well, it's just perfect. I am starting to see it as a creative house; Tall Girl has picked up on her drawing again, as well as baking, Josie is baking, I am baking, we are all baking - well, maybe not all. And Small Sprog I hear you ask? He's taken to brewing Mead! Well, why wouldn't he?!Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-26560078060884471962016-10-09T19:14:00.003+01:002016-10-09T20:14:27.210+01:00Lost in translationIt's nearly the weekend and Tall Girl has 'volunteered', or perhaps been press-ganged, into making chocolate and ginger mouse for the Dinner Party on Saturday evening. "Have we got all the ingredients?" I ask. She checks. "We just need Ginger Nuts" she replies.<br />
"OK" I say "I'll just catch Big Al before he goes into town and I'll put them on his list".<br />
<br />
Big Al is fiddling about with the recycling outside, he struggles with recycling. His inherent nature is to send it all to landfall, but we are addressing that instinct gradually. I catch him before he heads out and scribble on his shopping list.<br />
<br />
Meanwhile my Mother is 'having coffee' on my sofa, she is regaling her taxing day and is currently in overdrive relating the story about being trapped in her trousers in the bathroom at home, when she needed a wee! There was a happy ending but a warning for the future issues which may occur in public toilets with an eye on buying elasticated versions in the future.<br />
<br />
While all this going on my phone rings, it's Big Al "About the Ginger nuts?" he asks, I immediately put the phone back down, thinking he is being lewd, knowing my mother is in the room. I tut inwardly.<br />
<br />
Sometime later he returns home.<br />
<br />
"How did it go?" I asked<br />
"Terrible!" He replied "I got to the supermarket" he regaled "and thought - peanuts, walnuts, brazil nuts, and then I looked for 'ginger' nuts but couldn't find them anywhere, so I found an assistant and asked her if she knew if they had any ginger nuts - she was Polish so we both had English as a second language" - Big Al is Scottish and tends to shout when he can't be understood, in a very British way - "so the conversation didn't really flow and there didn't seem to be any nuts anywhere that were ginger so we had to involve a third party" he continued seriously "who seemed to know what I was talking about and ... lead me to the biscuit aisle" by this time I was laughing so much I was crying and mum almost wet herself (again!) "You never told me they were biscuits!" he complained.<br />
<br />
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Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-16006818970044427562016-08-20T21:14:00.001+01:002016-08-20T21:22:50.338+01:00Squaring the circle (Intuition)This should be a post about moving house, which was crazy (and sorted) or the holidays since but I need to write the following as a memory for myself and as a way of making sense of things;<br />
<br />
Turn the clock back 18 months - maybe a little more; it was the beginning of December and I was working as a Learning Mentor in a senior school. I had a reasonable caseload, teens in crisis, often parents in crisis too and it hadn't yet taken its toll on me personally.<br />
<br />
I was given a student, we could call her Anna. I was asked to talk to her about religion, and that in doing so she'd probably 'sort herself out', she just needed someone to talk to.<br />
<br />
I admit to procrastinating over this job! It seemed an anathema to me that I should be asked to talk to anyone about religion, I'm agnostic at best and I had no idea where to start. So it was almost 2 weeks before I set up the required meeting.<br />
<br />
She was small, slight - 4'11" to be correct and she had an amazing smile. She talked, I listened, reflected back, did all the counselling stuff and for a while, my process (what I was thinking while she was talking) was, where is this going? You seem fine, you're smiling and all seems well. And then, something I said, something she felt, I don't know... she fell apart. I have never seen such a transformation, how a person can change, like a metamorphosis right before my eyes. She cried, but not just crying, a heartfelt, heart wrenching desperateness; her beautiful smile was gone and a desperate haunted look filled it's place, it seemed that this had been waiting for the right moment, and she chose that moment and she chose me to unload to.<br />
<br />
Both our lives changed in that moment. What I heard could not be unheard, and she could not unsay all that was said. There was no going back, saying it had made it real. Once these things have been said, it's like opening the flood gates, there's no return.<br />
<br />
Over the weeks before Christmas things were put in place to support her through the holidays, a life line, some contact with me via school email was allowed providing it was CC'd to another member of staff.<br />
<br />
She got through the 2 weeks, just. On return she started talking about not 'being there', leaving, 'what's the point?' etc. I believed her to be talking about taking her own life. By the end of February she started to eat less, by March she stopped. I flagged up all theses things, all of them, I've read a lot, I've been on courses, I knew the signs. It was too late. By Easter she was admitted to the children's ward at the hospital.<br />
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This was chronic depression caused by her living situation. Her family was deeply religious, but she didn't believe, had never believed. She was destined to an arranged marriage in the near future and to live the life her mother lead. She could only see one way out, to kill herself. In her eyes the 'honourable way' to do that was to fade away. For her it was simple, she would harm herself so much from not eating that she would slowly die. Her family and community would not shoulder any blame and she would be free of the life that she foresaw and could not bear.<br />
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Unbeknown to her it doesn't work that way. Doctors and nurses aren't in the habit of letting you fade away once you are admitted and so, to cut a long story short, she went in and out of hospital, mental health units, Bristol, London and narrowly missed being sectioned (thankfully or she'd still be incarcerated) several times. [There is not space here to write about the horrendous conditions within child and adult mental heath - suffice to say that nothing much seems to have changed since Victoria was on the throne]<br />
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All the professionals she came into contact with all knew that the answer was for her to leave her family home and go into care but, despite everything, she didn't want to bring shame on her family. It was her choice to make.<br />
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I visited the hospital weekly - with permission from my workplace. My intuition was so strong, I felt compelled to support her from my soul. Perhaps that sounds weird but it felt incredibly right. I got her through meetings, became her advocate and was there for her whenever she needed me to be - her parents were part of the problem - there was no one else.<br />
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I visited with permission from school until the summer holidays. In the holidays I went anyway. Without permission I knew I was breaking the rules.<br />
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I'd do it all again, I'd make that choice every time, and I was aware of the consiquences. We had a bond - I was the first person she had told her life history to, she trusted me, and the nurses encouraged visits because it breathed a little life into her, I asked the questions her parents didn't ask, I gave the various agencies her back story when she'd lost the strength to do so, it was right that I did.<br />
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In The Autumn I was dismissed from my job. Gross misconduct. I visited without permission. I was without a job and they refused a reference. A single mum with 2 kids and a mortgage. They said I was too involved ( I was very involved) they called it a 'Child Protection Issue'. It was the worst thing anyone could have ever said, I felt sullied by the words, yet I knew I couldn't have done anything differently, it had had to be that way.<br />
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A year passed. Somehow she had my phone number - sneaked from the hospital files. She kept in touch, begged to see me. I was scared - those words 'Child Protection' rang heavy in my ears.<br />
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Over the last year she has been close to death. I have, over time had to accept that she may get her way in the end and cease to exist. But slowly, very slowly, the strength of character in her, that I had seen right from the start became stronger. He family life had become intolerable and a whole 18 months later she made the momentous and emotional decision to put herself into care. And everyone involved in her care could breath again.<br />
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And the point of this story is that today we shared coffee together in a cafe. She is alive, there is no tube feeding her into her stomach and I sob as I write as it seemed so impossible, not so long ago, that she would live. The spirit has won, her spirit, the one Carl Rogers talks about, the one that has to be in the life it wants to be in or it withers and dies. That one. And he was right. I have proof. The life she wanted and the one she now has are synchronised. Before they were miles apart. She eats. She sleeps. She is rejoicing in all the things she wasn't allowed to do. She is 16. She goes for walks with such joy, just because she can. She can see friends. Her hair is fluorescent red! She is grateful.<br />
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Today she told me she wanted to be a lawyer. I believe she can do it. Tonight she is with friends getting ready for a party she would never have been allowed to attend not long ago. She chose life. Her spirit chose life. She is grateful for all that the rest of us take for granted. She will make it, my work is done - but I will always help her along the way if she needs me.<br />
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I have faith.<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-83968353814883837042016-05-27T17:04:00.001+01:002016-05-27T17:04:27.812+01:00EmptyAn era is drawing to an end and there are new beginnings on the horizon for all of us here.<div><br></div><div>Small Sprog had his last day of school today (apart from outstanding exams) and its feeling strange to think that, after 8 years, we will not go there again.</div><div><br></div><div>Tall Girl has been offered work in our new town and is very excited.</div><div><br></div><div>I am continuing my counselling course in September after a year off.</div><div><br></div><div>In a months time I will be sitting at a different table, in a different garden, things are about to change.</div><div><br></div><div>So why do I feel so demotivated today? And lonely? Too much time on my hands, not working, an empty bank holiday weekend- which I have always loathed.</div><div><br></div><div>Sunday I think it's time to start packing boxes...</div>Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-81844798495238847902016-05-17T17:20:00.001+01:002017-10-28T16:21:55.082+01:00Five weeks and countingTall Girl arrives downstairs looking dazed and confused. She is impatient to move and isn't liking the boredom of her current job which will end when we do move in 5 weeks. It's nearly time to go to work...<br />
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"I just read that they've discovered what came first out of the chicken and the egg!"<br />
"Oh, which one is it then?" I enquire, wondering what she's been watching in bed for the last hour or more"<br />
"Umm, I've forgotten now!"<br />
"And I was on the edge of my seat"<br />
She looks puzzled.<br />
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Time is moving a bit too slowly and although the house is sold (subject to contract), the removals are booked and the packing boxes delivered, it still seems too early to pack but too near to just carry on as normal. It's a sort of limbo, which we all keep talking about but which seems to be taking ages to end. And there's the thing; it will happen. Five weeks yesterday I will be living in a new house, yet and yet, it still doesn't seem real.<br />
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So to keep me occupied and in an attempt to feel I'm at least doing something toward the moving process, I've been decluttering and doing endless runs to the charity shops. It's amazing what you find! Though we've only been here five years theres a fair amount of junk that's mounted up. Some stuff I was keeping 'just in case' and now I am thankful that that time will not come now and that I am safe and secure.<br />
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A moment ago I found some old photos, lots of the children at various stages; that always makes me reminisce though I rarely look back these days, the future is too bright. But one photo caught my eye because of the date. It was dated 18th May 2007, thats 9 years ago tomorrow, and it was of me and my ex (who I was still married to) and Small Sprog (pulling a ridiculous face) and Tall Girl (looking beautiful and amazingly grown up for 12). It was the day I graduated. We were all smiling. And as I often muse, who would have thought I'd be here now married to another man and planning another life. Nine years isn't that long is it? Who knows what the next 9 will bring - it's kind of scary. I am grateful beyond belief that the children are still with me. They have changed, grown, dare I say matured(?!)but they are still my children and I love them so.<br />
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So here I am, looking at MY house and MY garden, for they're definitely mine and that was the plan, and I feel a slight tinge of sadness at leaving them behind. They were hard fought for and things have been very good here. I shall particularly miss the garden which was just a patch of mud 5 years ago. I have filled it with gifts and cuttings all given by friends and family. When I planted them I thought I would see them mature but I won't now. I talk to them when I'm gardening and they feel like friends, I think I shall miss them more than anything.<br />
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But onwards and upwards there is so much to look forward to and be grateful for, particularly the love of my children.<br />
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"Did you eat kale before you met me" I asked him during a meal the other day.<br />
"No" he says eating another mouthful "I thought it was somewhere in Australia"!<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-76436288222218881422016-05-04T09:43:00.001+01:002016-05-04T09:43:45.876+01:00CountdownWe're all hopping up and down with anticipation here. Well, when I say 'all' I really mean Tall Girl and I as Small Sprog can only really muster enthusiasm for web based activities. He's about to start his GCSEs (revision is scant if not non existant despite endless nagging from me), has approximately 4 weeks left at school and doesn't really have a handle on either event. However he's keen to move too; he just can't see himself in the future, and by that I mean the next 24 hours! But Tall Girl and I can and we can't wait! Big Al says he's 'howling'; being married and living apart is definitely no fun.<br />
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So in 46 days and 22 hours it will be moving day and we will leave this house and this city, there will be things we miss but the future is very bright.<br />
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In our excitement today Tall Girl (it's her day off work) and I are having a calming cup of tea. "What would you like" she says as she puts on the kettle.<br />
"A cup of Tai Chi" I say. At which she crumples with laughter.<br />
"I'm not sure how you get that in a cup" she giggles. Obviously I meant Chai Tea.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our new front door.</td></tr>
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Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-35890594046004382982016-04-15T12:50:00.002+01:002016-04-15T15:16:32.960+01:00All at seaSmall sprog is overly excited about the potential of spending 24 hours on the ferry, he's full of noise and can't keep still in the back of the car. I take a sideways look at Big Al, who is concentrating on the road ahead, and wonder if he is actually clenching his teeth.<br />
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An hour later we leave Bilbao on the horizon and meet the Bay of Biscay in a fairly angry mood - it not us!<br />
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Small Sprog loved it, he ran up and down the corridor to his room (as did I with him because it was quite fun and you couldn't feel the waves if you ran very fast) but his sister was less than happy. She found solace in a cocktail to no avail and left the restaurant early.<br />
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As I am having my first conversation with an English speaking person, that I'm not related to, for nearly 2 weeks, Small Sprog turns up behind me and taps me on the shoulder, "Mother" he's taken to calling me that of late, "Tall Girls being sick"</div>
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"Oh!"</div>
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"I've given her the bin"</div>
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"Good thinking"<br />
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I leave the table to go and look at her! The general consensus was 'not good' but unfortunately with sea sickness, you just have to endure.<br />
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It was a rough night, the (clean) sick bags, conveniently placed by the ferry company at every 100 meters along the corridor, weren't there long. However there were a fair amount of full ones dotted in the 'Ladies' due to no one knowing the correct disposal procedure. I'm still unsure, a week later, what you actually 'do' with a full sick bag on a boat, without littering the sea with it all? And when I say full...<br />
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All in all it was a 'Nasty Business' says Big Al; his daughter was worse than mine and the bags kept coming...</div>
Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-86540422754372919652016-02-28T15:58:00.001+00:002017-10-28T16:27:16.742+01:00OMG I'm married! Yep, 2 weeks ago we had an amazing valentines weekend, everything went to plan, it was very special and packed with memories. And yet, I can't still quite believe anything has changed. Circumstances beyond our control - namely 2 children doing GCSE's this summer - meant that after the celebrations, and some time away, we both went back to our separate homes. It feels like nothing has really changed.<br />
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Yet loads has changed, my whole life has changed but yet on hold at the same time. There is still so much to do before we can be together, we have been house hunting, all very exciting, in a new town, a fresh start - who'd have thought it, at last an escape from suburbia!</div>
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So looking back to our amazing weekend the special moments were, some of them, unexpected;</div>
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On the Friday three generations went to the nail bar for some pampering! Mum has unexpectedly inherited 3 extra grandchildren, 2 being girls and she took to being in their company like a duck to water! She'd also never had a manicure before, and she took to that too. It was a very special time to all be together.</div>
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And then on the morning of our Big Day, I spent time with my wonderful daughter, decorating the room together. I hadn't put any thought into just how special that time with her would feel - I have a wonderful gift in her, my treasure. She was an angel for the whole day, she kept me incredibly calm, looked after her Granny without a second thought. I'm so proud.</div>
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Small sprog brushed up well, looked cool and made himself very popular with the the extra teenage girls that arrived in the evening! He drank cider and beer without being ill (!) now that really was a surprise!</div>
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And then there was our vows, <span style="font-family: "helvetica neue light" , , "helvetica" , "arial" , sans-serif;">I don't remember the last time, I'm not sure I made a conscious choice to attend to them but this time I did. I wanted to remember. And then there was the speech! I wondered why I said I'd do one, I was regretting it as it got nearer as I'm not used to public speaking, but I'm so glad I did it, it seemed to go down well - apparently not a dry eye in the house! I said what I meant and thanked my mum for all she has given up for me. And finally thanked all our 5 children for following us on this puzzling and unexpected journey for without their consent, we might not have made it this far...</span></div>
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Strangely my new husband and I didn't seem to spend much time together! We spread ourselves around the guests and all of a sudden it was over! </div>
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Our time away afterwards, I felt married, managed to refer to myself as 'Mrs' a few times - which took me by surprise each time! </div>
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Back to reality now.</div>
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Thought you might like some photos...</div>
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Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-19163174639627607672016-01-24T11:43:00.000+00:002016-01-24T11:45:29.628+00:00HalflingI am sitting at the kitchen table the night after the party. Small Sprog was 16 yesterday - yep, you read it right, 16!<br />
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Out of both the children, when he was younger, I always tried to keep his parties at 'venues' due to the propensity of exuberant boys to be, well, exuberant! Whereas Tall Girl had her parties at home. Strangely, Small Sprog has always been the one who wants to bring his friends home, never ashamed of me (parents are uber embarrassing) and always happy to be open with his mates. In contrast Tall Girl rarely brings friends home. Strange really.<br />
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So years ago when we were at Soft Play for Small Sprogs birthday with 10 or more marauding boys and girls (he always has girls) little did I suspect that I'd be sitting here listening to 6 teenagers running around upstairs, worrying about the ceiling withstanding the chaos that ensues!<br />
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This is no toddler party, oh no, it's a full on 24 hour teen sleepover! Give me strength! I had full instructions to be out of the house, so feeling homeless I found stuff to do from yesterday lunchtime, coming home briefly to cook pizza before leaving again until bedtime.<br />
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I'm relieved to say the house is still, mostly, in one piece. The teens have slept - all in the sitting room in what looks like a ragged heap of airbeds and sleeping bags. I have been used as a human shield - nerf guns still seem 'de rigeur' at 16 - by one of his semi naked mates. It wasn't a highlight I can tell you, in fact that's why I'm here in the kitchen (hiding) - that was a step too far for me on a Sunday morning!<br />
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A mass of bacon and egg sarnies have been made and devoured, along with Bucks Fizz because they forgot to drink the champagne last night.And I am thankful, so very thankful, for this house full of noise and laughter. I have saved it to my memory hard drive, because one day he will truly grow up - rather than be this 'halfling'. There will be serious stuff and other people to spend his special day with. The door closes slowly, I can see him leaving, but not yet. I am not the most important person in his life anymore, not like when he was small and at his soft play party. And that's how it should be, others have and will continue to take my place - it's been a blast Hazz. Happy 16th Birthday x<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-77436742127159168752015-12-20T18:34:00.000+00:002015-12-20T18:34:42.266+00:00I'm not really sure where I've been!Its nearly Christmas and it doesn't seem that many years since Small Sprog was buzzing about with excitement singing wall to wall Christmas jingles and having asthma attacks!<br />
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So where is he today, I hear you ask (if anyone's still there?!) Well he's online - he had a good role model in me but he takes it to the limit! The songs are gone and Christmas may have lost it's sparkle - it's difficult to tell with a teenager- but I can see 'my boy' in there and I love him to bits! His voice has 3 different variants; screechy, normal and 'big man'. When the 'big man' voice comes out Tall Girl and I, for a split second, assume a stranger has entered the house! It's a great voice, I love it, I just wish he could do it all of the time! The screechy voice of past Christmas excitement is on it's way out and although I mourn it's passing, it's also a blessing - it always gave me a headache!<br />
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It is our last Christmas here in suburbia- in this house. And as I say it I worry that I may jinx something and that all our plans may fall away and I will be left with nothing but dreams. Oddly Facebook reminds me how things change in ways we rarely expect - memories pop up to haunt me there, both mine and my partners daughters. Today she had a memory from 5 years ago; a picture of her and her sister, 5 years younger, the age our youngest are now. Then another photo from 3 years ago when they were in NY - before I even knew they existed - spending Christmas abroad because it was there first without their mother. My own memories are lame in comparison but remind me that when I moved in here, things were very different and you never can know the future.<br />
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This year has been amazing - I am getting married on Valentines weekend - yet the lows have been very low, I lost my job, and it's been difficult to write here for sometime. What a year, and that's what I mean, who would have thought, this time last year, that all that would have happened?<br />
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In my head I worry that I will lose the ones I love before I have time to enjoy them to the full. Perhaps you have the same thoughts?<br />
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Yesterday we 'did Christmas' with Mum. As we arrived she was decorating the Christmas cake, I made her a cup of tea, she had a sherry in one hand and insisted on trying Small Sprogs cider in the other - somethings always make me smile! Surprisingly the cake came out ok and we had a good time there despite it being a week early. We have had an uneasy relationship this year, Mum and I, culminating with me having 'the conversation' with her about my abusive step father (with help from my counsellor) the conversation I never thought I'd be able to have, and it's brought things to the fore for her. I don't regret it but I wish we could change things - yet you can never change the past - we can only look to the future and hope...<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-18774877071150118362015-10-08T21:11:00.000+01:002015-10-08T21:56:50.344+01:00October alreadyI've had a lot of time at home recently and I've been so lucky that, until this week, the weather's been beautiful. And then today, again, the rain stopped and I got out into the garden to do the rest of the jobs that were on my to do list - things to keep myself busy.<br />
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It's been wonderful to have this time. I am trying hard to practise gratefulness and live in the moment. So today, after 'chopping' some things in the garden, I took some time to sit down with a mug of tea and a magazine outside in the sun. In the shade it was chilly but the sun still has some strength and I basked in its rays. In the field, behind the house, I can hear the starlings; they gather this time of year after feasting on the Rowan berries and sit in groups and on the electric wires and 'chirrup' softly. It's a beautiful noise, gentle and low, like they're whispering 'sweet nothings' to each other. I remember the noise from childhood, I can't remember where I would have been, maybe my granny's garden, but it sooths me and makes me grateful to be alive.<br />
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I sit for a while and listen to their music. I drink the cold water that I have as well as my tea, it tastes cold and clean and fresh and I am so very grateful to be drinking it now, when it's hot and I have the head space to appreciate it.<br />
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I am keeping busy but time has slowed a little. I'm trying to make the most of it and be thankful. It seems to be working.Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-43399617866384806702015-10-05T22:22:00.003+01:002015-10-05T22:22:46.904+01:00Honestly, you couldn't make this stuff up! 'Jonathan has a new girlfriend' Says Tall Girl to Mum, making conversation 'she comes from Catalonia' she continues<div>
'Oh' says Mum 'What colour is she?'</div>
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'What?' I shout dismayed</div>
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'Well I'm not sure where Catalonia is' Mum replied without flinching</div>
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When we're home I recount the tale to Small Sprog who is disgusted with grannies apparent racism. He's not the only one!</div>
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Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-56083957156445483422015-09-30T17:54:00.001+01:002015-10-05T22:13:40.507+01:00What Luverly Curls!Small Sprog has been off school - he does a good 'dying duck' act and I'm never sure how ill he really is! Anyway, after 4 days off with a weekend in between I decide enough's enough and make a doctors appointment for him. In the car he suddenly looks a lot better- after a short talk - can you actually look ill because I've blagged my way into a same day appointment- we arrive.<br /><br />We are 3 minutes late so the automatic, germ infested, self signer- inner directs us to a human being on reception- a very nice older lady - who can book us in. "Name?" She enquired "Small Sprog" I say as suddenly she looks up from her screen and sees him for the first time; "Ooo what lovely hair" she exclaims "people would die for those curls!" He shuffles a bit and looks at his feet as she continues " If only my hair was like that"<br /><br />We walk into the waiting room and sit down. Small Sprog hates the waiting room. He hates the doctors and has a mortal fear of needles and health related implements. He fidgets uncomfortably.<br /><br />For once the room is not packed with bodies, just a few older ladies who all seem to know each other. They home in on Small Sprog...<div>
<br />"Ooo 'asn't 'e got luverly 'air" says one<br /><br />"Beautiful" says another<br /><br />"So much off it" interjects the third<br /><br />"And so curly"<br /><br />They talk about him like he's not in the room as Small Sprog gets smaller and smaller, shrinking into his seat. "Can we go now?" he stage whispers whilst smiling politely at them. He learned to smile sweetly at a very young age- it always works wonders and invariably gets him out of most sticky situations- unfortunately a grin at this instant wasn't one of those situations! <br /><br />"And what luverly teeth!" One of them continues</div>
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<br />"Ooo 'e's lucky 'e is!"<br /><br />" 'e reminds me of that pop star"<br /><br />"Oh yes " says the other "Marc somebody?"<br /><br />"Bowland" I say helpfully <br /><br />"That's the one, spitting image ..."<br /><br />Oh no, I think to myself, please don't try to hug him or pet him or anything because I think he will just combust!</div>
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<br />"Such lovely weather we're having" I interject, trying to divert their attention.</div>
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<br />"Oh yes" they all nod as the doctor appears at the waiting room door. He rockets out of his seat so fast it's hard to catch him- I don't think he's ever been so keen to see a doctor in his whole life!</div>
Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-46047349819871832942015-09-21T20:33:00.001+01:002015-09-21T20:36:20.631+01:00Knickers or no knickers? Definitely knickers is the answer!I went to see Mum in hospital today. I have to say she's looking much brighter and the anaesthetic seems to be almost out of her system. Last Friday watching her was quite disturbing. It was as though someone kept pressing the 'standby' button on a remote control somewhere; every now and then she'd 'power down' for a few seconds, close her eyes and seemingly go to sleep, then wake again with very little idea of what had just been said. She was on Morphine too, which possibly didn't help and something was making her sick.<br />
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Roll forward a few days and she's much more like herself. They have her out of bed now and she's sitting in a chair with her legs up. This, to me, looks much like the position she is in in bed but there you go, I'm no nurse, and it's given her something to think about.<br />
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As I approach she says she didn't know I was coming - she had forgotten - and she looked as if she didn't have her bottom teeth in. In fact I'm sure of it, though she did have some lipstick remains. She was wearing a fairly short nightie and had an icepack on her knee.<br />
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'Dad's taken my washing' she stated<br />
'You said he didn't know how to work the machine' I replied. (How could a man of 81 who is pretty handy at mending most things not be able to work a washing machine?)<br />
'Well I think he did'<br />
'I'll have a look' - she had forgotten that I offered to take her washing home with me- 'Here it is' I say, brandishing a clear plastic bag containing another nighty 'is that it?'<br />
'Oh yes' she says proudly 'I'm still not wearing any knickers!'<br />
'Well, mum, they are very short nightie's and I really think you should wear some' I say, having been facing her - chair to chair for a while!<br />
'We're all girls in here you know' she shouts blithely, as I insist 'I still think you should start wearing knickers'<br />
In contrast I am wearing, what I hope is, a stern look!<br />
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Please can I grow old gracefully Lord?!<br />
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<br />Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-40953329763659357202015-09-14T20:33:00.001+01:002015-09-14T20:53:31.758+01:00MotheringHow long should I expect my mother to 'mother'? Am I being unreasonable? I mean, should mothers give up when you get married, have children, buy your own house? I don't know the answer.<div><br></div><div>Having been though counselling as part of my year long counselling course she has been the topic of a few sessions - apparently that's common, we mothers are tricky beings who mess up their kids lives, some of us even unintentionally.</div><div><br></div><div>So I am wiser than I was this time last year. I know why I feel abandoned when she doesn't listen, dismisses what's going on in my life, can only see things from her point of view and when she seems to be the centre of her own universe. Funny that last one; as an only child I thought that was my perogative! </div><div><br></div><div>I rang her tonight. I have something big and not at all good going on in my life ( thankfully not health related - more work orientated) which I've not told her yet as I wanted to see her face to face to tell her but seeing as I've also had food poisoning, so I'm feeling pretty rubbish and haven't made it over for a visit I decided not to tell her on the phone. But she asks a question to which I had to answer " I think it's better if I tell you when I see you" - it was water off a ducks back, she picked nothing up - like she didn't really hear ( I wanted some small concern at least- if she'd pushed me I'd have told her anyway as I'm so upset about it) and she continued to regale me with tales of woe about getting to grips with her new phone! It's all about her I thought - unfairly perhaps?</div><div><br></div><div>She's booked in for a knee replacement on Thursday, which has been postponed several times, I know she's in a state about going in to hospital but as it's been on the cards for so long now it's made her wish it was all over and that seems to be a good thing as 'getting it over with' is superseding the panic about dying in hospital! I wanted to see her before she went in but in case I'm contagious ( could be a bug) she's cancelled my visit.</div><div><br></div><div>Over the months I've tried to reassure her about the op, I've done my best, I've given advice - adamantly rejected, and tried to suggest how to relax -'don't tell me what to do' responses. So I'm definitely done with mothering her! But is it so wrong to want her to ask about me, care about me and see I have stuff going on too? For goodness sake we all have 'stuff' going on! And even though I know why I feel abandoned when she doesn't listen to what I say, it still hurts and I'm left with that feeling for a long time.</div><div><br></div><div>And even as I write this I remember no one is immortal ...</div>Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6009468722326751050.post-66641942416764966342015-08-19T22:00:00.000+01:002015-08-19T22:08:48.640+01:00Yes!"What would happen if this finger was cut off?" Says Tall Girl pointing to her wedding ring finger. I give her the sort of look I would have given Small Sprog if he had asked me the same question - which, to be honest, would have been more likely!<br />
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"Or your whole arm?" (I roll my eyes out loud!) "How would people tell you're engaged?"</div>
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She's referring to my recent 'news'. I was romantically proposed to 2 weeks ago under the stars in Portugal. I have a ring on my finger - I can hardly believe it and I'm ridiculously excited. The children - we have 5 between us - are all happy and seem to have already formed good bonds between each other. I could not ask for more. </div>
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In my head it's been on the cards for a while and he - shall we call him Big A - says he's been going to ask for ages but couldn't quite get up the courage. I have to say, before we traveled at the beginning of August, I had the thought that if he didn't ask me this week then he'd never ask me! So I didn't have to think about it when it happened I had already made up my mind. There was a point in recent times when I couldn't imagine giving up my independence for anyone but now, I have barely given it a second thought.</div>
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There are some things that feel 'just right' when you come across them in life and since we met it has felt this way. We have loads of plans to make but nothing is clear yet. This weekend the children (can you call them that when they are all over 15 - more than 3 are adults?!) and us are having a planning meeting. This could well be dangerous! In the end I'd marry him in Asda car park tomorrow - there is no need for anything big but it could easily get out of hand...Watch this space!</div>
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What's your news from the summer?</div>
Suburbiahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05352465945711496612noreply@blogger.com15