At the beginning of the holidays I felt as though I was loosing her, just a little. She was mean and sulky! She spoke to me with 'attitude', and although I didn't let her get away with it, I felt a little sad. She was, and is, hormonal and at the beginning of the holidays, she was tired. I know she feels sorry for her Dad and she can see I am 'coping'. Sometimes I think she 'blames' me.
And then there's Husband, who, after having very little to do with her over the years, now treats her as an equal, chatting to her for what seems like hours when he returns home in the evening, telling her all about his day, secretively holding conversations behind closed doors.
At times I have felt shut out from her world. I have felt her grow apart from me.
I remember growing away from my Mum. Not so my Step Father, as we were never close, but I do remember years of turmoil with my Mother. I have stolen myself. I know it may happen, I know it is a way for children to pull away and start to make a separate identity for themselves. She has far more ammunition now than she would have had the family stayed together.
Tomorrow I am having lunch with a long lost friend. We have not met for over 10 years and I am very excited. When we first met (she is a little older than me and had her family very young) she had three under fives at home and I was young free and almost single! I often used to call in during the daytime, apparently it kept her sane!
Next weekend her daughter is getting married. The daughter that left her mother and the family home, to go and live with her absent father during her teens. My friend reminded me of this during a phone call this week. I had forgotten.
My lovely friend reassured me, we may loose them for a while but they are with us forever. This weekend she is going to her daughters hen night and soon her wedding. They are fabulous friends. She did not loose her daughter.
I was comforted. I do not want to loose mine.
PS. I'm off to Mums for a couple of days, so see you when I return.
You won't lose her, and you haven't! It feels like that because we have them so close all throughout their childhood... they are OURS and then they get their own lives, their independence... their own schedules and their own little piece of the world and it isn't our piece any longer, and that always hurts a bit.
ReplyDeleteShe will always need you.
Every day, in some way, all of her life, even after you are long gone from this world, she will need you.
Don't you still need your mum, too?
HUGS
XOXO
Scarlett & Viaggiatore
Yep Scarlett, I do. Thank you for your wise words :) (Good to hear from you again)
ReplyDeleteMy sister had a very rocky relationship with our mother during the teenagae years and they seemed to hopelessly drift apart... but then maturity kicks in and everything knits back together again even tighter than before.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you won't lose your daughter. Your friend is right that even if you seem to lose her for a while, she'll be back, the tie between mother and daughter is usually so strong. Yes, at the moment she's finding her independence so may be pulling away a bit, but the bond is still there.
ReplyDeleteHave a good time away - how old is she? Tall girl? I've got one of those - she's 13 Lx
ReplyDeleteHi Family Affairs, TG will be 13 in November, can't believe it, this new phase has snuck up on me!
ReplyDeleteMy Mum and Dad split when I was 12 and I went through a phase of being rather horrible (not just to her...to everyone) but grew out of it. I did use the split as ammunition at the time but I wouldn't change it...both my parents are so much happier now than they ever were when they were together!!
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to say that I am close to both of them but I think a mother and daughter have a special bond that is not easy to break!! Hang in there....
C x
Carol, thank you.
ReplyDeleteYour relatiohship is too good for you to lose her forever. Even if she drifts, she will stay true.
ReplyDeleteLosing a daughter is just part of the growth and ups and downs and changes of life between mothers and daughters, but there is not a permanent loss because no one else can be their mother and no one else can be their daughter. They are one of a kind to each other.
ReplyDeleteI 'lost' my eldest daughter for about 3 years (long story!)......
ReplyDeleteOh we were still in contact, but she had moved out and moved in with a boyfriend (only 19.....) but what can you do?
One day we had a kinda falling out over something silly, and for a long time, it seemed to me, she and I were lost to each other.
Many reasons later, our relationship turned a corner, she came back to me. And now is my dearest friend. Well as much as a friend as your own daughter can be.
(!!!!!) Not trying to be one of those aggravating mothers like the Duchess of York gah!!!!!
But on the other hand. I think your husband is completely wrong to be acting in the way you describe, secrets and secret conversations have no place in a happy home. He should recognise this and stop doing it.
Your friend Letty