Forgive me for this! I have just put down the phone and needed to get this off my chest. Normal blogging will resume tomorrow (hopefully!)The phone rings:
"We're coming over on Tuesday to see you!"
"Are you, when?"It is mum. She sounds excited
"Tuesday. Your Auntie Rosemary and I, we're going shopping"
My Auntie Rosemary is the type of auntie that isn't really and auntie! She was known as Auntie by me when I was little because it was thought rude to call adults by their first name alone. A very strange part of English etiquette, which leaves one with a myriad of spare relatives who are not, but whom you still call 'auntie' when you are in your 40's simply out of habit. However this brief conversation sent alarm bells ringing in my head, I begin back peddling fast. Once is enough, I only went to the Mall with her last week! I love her dearly but I hadn't planned on another trip so soon.
"We'll come to you" Singy songy voice (she could tell!!)
Well that's a relief, at least it doesn't involve shopping.
"You're in my diary as free after 11am." She says.
I can't believe she monitors my day in the back of her diary!!
"I get back in at 11 from Small Sprogs tutor but I have to go out again to take him back to school at 12"
"Oh" taken aback. "That's not what it says in my diary. My diary says you're home at 11."
"I am home at 11, but I have to go back out again" (My sole reason for not working on a Tuesday is so I can take Small Sprog out of school and back for extra tuition)
"Well maybe we can come in the afternoon"
"Yes, that would be good, I'll be in for good at about 4"
"No, that might be a bit late for Rosemary, what about 2"
"It's my Pilates class from 1 'till 2" (In a 'I'm not missing that sort of voice')
I feel guilty now. Should I cancel my class? I can't go for the next two weeks because I have the children at home for the school holidays. I really want to go. Then I feel annoyed! Why didn't she call me first before she'd arranged the shopping trip? Then I feel I am being uncharitable. Perhaps I should cancel?
"We'll come at 2 then"
"I don't get back home until 2.15 at the earliest" (Usually all I have time for is some lunch and a shower before going out again.) I suspect she's thinking I'm making it up!
"That's OK we only want a quick cup of tea! OH GIVE ME A BREAK!! (I didn't say this though!) I tried to keep a very calm voice. She knows me very well though!
"I do have to out again to get the children at 3"
"When do you get back then?"
"I'll be home for good at 4" Again.
"But it's getting dark then!" She hates driving in the dark but 4pm? Still light so far this week! She wants to come at 2!!
I am close to bursting! Am I being difficult? I don't want her to think I don't want to see them. I am very happy to see them, but I'd like them to come at a time when I'm not just dashing in between venues. Then inspiration arrives!
"I know" I say "I can come to the Mall at 9.30 when it opens and I won't have to leave until just after 10.30, we can have a quick coffee and then you can do your shopping"
"Ooh" She sucks in a deep breath."I'll have to drive much slower than normal with Auntie in the car, I don't think I'll get there until after 10"
OMG, what speed does she usually travel down here at I wonder briefly? Briefly because it is much too scary to contemplate for longer than that!
I won't bore you with the rest. Suffice to say it went on a bit! And then there was no conclusion. And I still feel guilty! She's going to call back tomorrow after checking with Auntie. I have my fingers crossed she doesn't ring in the morning and say she's on her way! She most likely has it written down in her diary that I'm not at work at all tomorrow!
Ouch how annoying. It's OK for you to have guilt free time to yourself honeybear. Iit's harder to convince others of this {{{Suburbia}}}
ReplyDeleteI would just get on with your normal routine. That's what I tell my daughter. I can make my own way there when I get off the coach & we travel a very long way.
ReplyDeleteAs there are two of them, can't they go shopping by themselves?
Pity to give up Pilates.Be strong!
Yes, I know exactly those people who think you can drop everything to accommodate them.
ReplyDeleteHow difficult it is juggling everything.
I think you were quite patient under the circumstances.
My mother in law would like us to visit her every day - and she lives 35 miles away and when we go we have to rent a car.......
Good luck!
Can't pretend to feel too dreadfully sorry for you! I would love to have EVER lived close enough, after I got married, for my mother to drop in....But it does sound as though she's over-complicating things!
ReplyDeleteSomething I really like about parts of the States [Southern parts moistly,]is how children are taught to call adults by their first name with the addition of "Miss." My daughter's little boys, for instance, call her friend "Miss Allison," and their soccer coach "Coach Carl."
Hope you have fun with your mum and auntie---IF they catch you home!
This sounds like the kind of conversations I used to have with my mother-in-law. She could make me feel guilty for days! I can't believe your mum has your schedule in her diary:)
ReplyDeleteDon't feel guilty; they can re-arrange their schedule to fit yours.
My 90 year old dad is in a care home and sometimes can ring 3 times in the space of two hours - he is having a heart attack/stroke/indigestion/weakness of knees, whatever. We have him over at our house at weekends and I cannot see how I can help him through his anxieties other than refer him to the medics at the care home. I find it difficult because I feel it is unfair on my husband to have this burden thrust on him too often.
ReplyDeleteJust like my mum, retired and with all the time in the world but forgets we have so little.
ReplyDeleteI am sure that I have had similar conversations in the past and it took me a long time to realise that at times I had to be selfish and only do what suited me. And the ansaphone was a wonderful invention.
ReplyDeleteYour mother can fit in with you. She has far more free time than you do.
I love and miss my mother terribly, but sometimes I'm grateful for the fact there's an ocean between us! I'm spared these sort of manipulating guilt trips!
ReplyDeleteAnd, yes, I have a whole battalion of Aunties and Uncles with whom I share no blood with! Even now I just can't talk about them without the "Auntie" part!
You need to hire a personal secretary to take all of your calls and sternly inform inquisitors of your rigorous and inflexible schedule.
ReplyDeleteGuilt is not an option; you went shopping last week, you paid for the guilt already, you are in the good. So let that go.
Set it for another day or after 4; that's what you said you could do, so stick to it.
;o)
Hope it works out alright!
Scarlett & Viaggiatore
Hi Suburbia. I feel for you. I have a very complicated relationship with my parents (who live 15 minutes away) which I actually find hard to blog about. I would do what you feel happiest doing. As I get older and have my own family I am doing what pleases me and not the other way round. It does not mean that I do not love them but I am learning to love myself and not be there to please others the whole time. (That is not passing judgement on you. You must do what you feel works for you :-)Hx PS - Hope you get better soon and your cold goes away...)
ReplyDeleteI love that she keeps your diary!
ReplyDeleteIt's like when people phone me and say 'you're never in!' As if I have to explain where I was when they phoned.