"Fed up" I replied
"Oh dear"
You would have thought I would have learnt by now. I have made many 'notes to self' about it, DO NOT ring mother when fed up!
It's hard to break the habit though. When I was younger, I often turned to her for support, now I am aware she is judging me, not really understanding, and then worrying about me worrying!
"When you write your Christmas cards" She says, her voice on a high note, under the deluded impression that talking about Christmas might cheer me up. "When you write your Christmas cards..."
What?! I want to shout, Christmas, CHRISTMAS? I nearly drop the phone! How can she expect me to even be thinking of Christmas yet? I am trying to ignore it for as long as possible this year, the whole fortnight of festivities, all here together in the house, well, it's just unthinkable. Yet I know it will come about, and it will have to be negotiated. At the moment I can only think about one thing at a time, and Christmas cards are way down the list, believe me.
"When you write your Christmas cards to Auntie Never-was and Uncle Not-relateds, do you think you can sign them ambiguously?"
"Ambiguously?"
"Well, I haven't told them you see, about your divorce. I'll tell them when it's all over, I don't want to bother them with it now"
Oh for goodness sake is on the tip of my tongue!
For a start, Auntie Never-was and Uncle Not-related and their various clones are all long standing friends of my mothers and nothing very much to do with me. We have exchanged cards for as long as I can remember, and it is only 'tradition' that keeps them on the card list, year after year. They all became Aunties and Uncles when I was old enough to speak my first words and it was impolite to use Christian names when you were little, all that time ago. I'm sure you have some of them somewhere yourself? A dying generation of un-relateds. Thank goodness my children will never have any of them, just first names here!
She doesn't want to bother them with it? I can feel my patience dwindling. "What do you want me to write then?" I retort through gritted teeth.
"Instead of using all your names" She suggested "How about 'from all of us' that would cover a multitude"
The phrase reeled off her tongue in a trice, an instant solution! It was then that I realised that she had had it all planned out! I had been 'Tangoed'! All she was waiting for was my call. The most pressing item on her agenda for the day was 'Suburbias Embarrassing Situation'! Harrumph!
Do you think you can you just pass me that unopened packet of Christmas Cheer please? Now what was that phrase again?
Christmas? Bah humbug!
ReplyDeleteAre there going to be Christmas cards this year with the strike on and everything?
Yes we all have those Auntie so and so & Uncle dodahs in the family though mine are dying off now.
Children use Christian names now, even to me which I prefer.
Oh dear...... it was rather a hurtful conversation. Hope I don't do that to my daughter or son!
Nuts in May
I'd be tempted to put "from a bunch of people pleased to not be related to you" thus removing the possibility of ever having to send them a card - Christmas or otherwise - ever again...!
ReplyDeleteI like Steve's suggestion!!
ReplyDelete*groans* I'm not a big Christmas fan at the best of times but this year we really are between a rock and a hard place!! My Gran is going on about the fact that this will probably be her last Christmas (I don't know where she's got this idea from...she's still going strong!!) and is hinting that we should go to my Aunt and Uncles. But it will be our first Christmas since Chris's Mum passed away and his family are expecting us to be with them!!
Perhaps we'll just run away.....yep, that sounds like a good solution to me....fancy joining us?
C x
I hate Christmas anyway, the whole thing's so artificial and OTT. Even worse when your own mother is getting so coy and devious about it. As you say, for goodness sake! Just sign the cards any way you like and let mum get over herself!
ReplyDeleteMothers are like this.
ReplyDeleteMine has never adjusted to my new status which happened in the dark ages and doesn't want any of her friends to know! Goodness only knows what lies she thinks up to reply to innocent enquiries as to my life and times.
Luckily, I haven't sent cards to anyone for donkeys' years either, so my mother doesn't have your mother's problem.
Great post, i just love your mum.
ReplyDeleteHey Sub! We're back together again! How is this? Oh I do not understand but glad to be reading your posts.
ReplyDeleteHowever, you may regret me being back here 'cos I have to confess I have already made most of my xmas cards AND wrapped two presents. Sorry about that.
Why do mums make a big thing of "auntie Ada" or someone, who've not really bothered with you for years! Answer me that!
Please tell me that was made up. PLEASE.
ReplyDeletex
The dreaded christmas.....:0(
ReplyDeleteLast year I couldn't even face sending christmas cards. Couldn't you 'blame' it on the postal strike for all those 'missing' cards? ;0)
My birthday cards adorn the front room at the moment... there are 8 of them in total.
ReplyDeleteAll but one from family.
However I don't really send birthday cards and christmas cards so I don't expect them in return. Work is great now they have a "give to charity instead" scheme... I just love that - I hand over £20 (much more than the cards would have cost anyhow) and feel much better for it :-)
I'm hoping the postal workers will strike from December 1 onwards. Then we can forget about Christmas cards altogether. Hoorah!
ReplyDeleteall the non-sense surrounding Christmas gets earlier and earlier. It drives me mad. Just decide to do a 'we're donating to charity this year' and not sending any cards. it's a great get of jail card.
ReplyDeleteWhat a nightmare!
ReplyDeleteR. said he saw advertisements for Xmas presents already....
If I were you I'd just skip the damn cards altogether.
Why not just cross them off the Christmas card list? Actually I do have my Christmas cards, I bought them in the January sales. ;)
ReplyDeleteRight, listen up and listen good.
ReplyDeleteMy father's family were a bunch of rabble rousers, always falling in and out with each other, all eight of the siblings. Till I never knew who was "in" with who.
Only child me, like my mother, who used to say to me, 'thank your lucky stars you are an only child.'
Trouble being I inherited loads of relatives, all of 'em warring with each other from my Pa's side.
When my sainted father (who was a peace maker) was buried, some of the pond life came to the funeral, one of 'em had the cheek to sob loudly through the whole fecking ceremony, so much so, that someone later asked me if "she was very close to your father".
Yeah, so close, never visited him when he was ill, never sent any thank you cards for all the nice presents and money he sent her brats over the years, yet, sobbed her way loudly through his funeral (and I will add here in the most inappropriate funeral clothes).
I officially invited her whole family back to the Wake for my beloved father, whereupon, they never turned up.
Since that fateful day, I have delted these horrible people from my life. They may be cousins but as far as I am concerned they are dross. Chaff in the wind.
Concentrate on the people you truly love Suburbia, and to hell with the family ones, who cares what those ones think, do or say.
They are worth nothing.
I will now probably write a post about this on my blog, because famililies, unless they are really together - like you, Small Sprog and Tall Girl, are not worth worrying about.
Oh and sorry, I went on a bit of a rant, but families when they are like this do my sweet head in, totally.
Letty xxxxxxxxxxx
sincerely, concentrate Suburbia on your two beautiful kids, forget what your sainted mother is worried about, life is truly for living.
Do you know, once I had discarded my stupid and ignorant cousin, from my life, I was so much happier.
Keep the faith.
Letty xxxxxx
Oh dear! I fear I may turn into your mother. Bless her. Really, you know you want to bless her, don't you?!
ReplyDeleteGoodness, people's mums and dads can be so self-centred at times. Mr FF's ma is a sweeetie normally but lately has been worrying about things that don't matter and it has begun to get on my nerves.Rather than be rude I've withdrawn myself somewhat and I think that has become more noticeable than just having it out with her.
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, I'm using your blog like therapy - I should be using mine for that.
I'd forgotten how great your writing is and I'm now going to clamp you to my sidebar so I can keep up to date.