I also find that time in the car, en route to somewhere, is a good time to talk things over. We spoke about the current situation at home, which, I have to say, she seems to be coping with admirably. We discussed moving house (I now know that we cannot stay in our house as it needs to be sold for the divorce settlement) and we looked at some prospective areas of Bristol, weighing up their various advantages and disadvantages.
When we arrived home this evening, just the two of us, she said that she was really looking forward to moving house! She said that she had told her friends as much (I am thankful that she has friends to share her troubles with) and she said that they were surprised. We both acknowledged that living as we do was not conducive to a happy life. I explained that we could only move if Daddy put the house on the market, and that I'd asked him to do it soon.
As an aside, I have explored renting and the cost would be far more than I earn a month, so I would have to pay for the rent with savings, however I can't touch them, because they are part of the settlement. What a vicious circle? At the same time, I can't get housing benefit, because the savings are in my name for tax purposes. At the moment, I have discovered, we are stuck.
Anyway, we wait on Husband to put the house on the market. If he does not, we are very, very stuck, and I don't know what I will do.
However, I didn't say all of this to Tall Girl, I tried to be positive.
''You get on so much better with Daddy now don't you?'' I said '' You do so much more together that you did before'' He was never really involved in family life at weekends unless we all four went out on a day trip together.
''Yes'' She said with a smile ''I used to be scared of him''
Scared of him? She said it in a matter of fact way. It took me by surprise, I always felt that I was the peace keeper, he was often sharp, but I had no idea she had felt like this. The more I contemplate it the more I am shocked. It sounds so Victorian, to be frightened of your father.
They do seem to get on well now. She is his confidante, at last he can see and appreciate her worth.
But the more I think about it the more it worries me. A leopard never changes his spots. How long will it be before he reverts to type? How long will it take before he gets fed up with her?
In the future I will not be there with them both to calm the waters. I hope, as she matures, she can stand up for herself, though I fear she may not as I am not good at it with him. I hope she will not just see him out of duty. I hope she tells me if things aren't right.
Tough stuff - you have a very clever and smart girl there
ReplyDeleteThe house situation sounds a real headache. I hope you manage to sort something out and establish an independent life for yourself and the children. You certainly need it.
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you had that talk.She does sound very sensible.
ReplyDeleteThe situation you find yourself in is not easy.
Think long and hard about what decision you make.
I know it is sad....and sad as I keep forgetting you are HERE now instead of there..so keep forgetting to check up on you...till I saw a pair of legs on holiday... then quickly popped over here...
ReplyDeleteany movement yet?? This is tortuous waiting so gad knows what its like for you....
saz x
Glad you could have a chat with your TG. My girls have a much better relationship now with Mr X than before - one of the few benefits of the situation I think!He has HAD to develop proper relationships with them which has been good on both sides. Chin up xx
ReplyDeleteWhat a lot you've got going on....when we sold the marital home I felt a huge sense of relief - I rented somewhere with the children for a year and then bought somewhere - good to have our own place even if half the size. At the time I divorced I would have lived in a cardboard box rather than carry on living as a pretend happy family. Good luck with moving things forward. Lx
ReplyDeleteI wish I could offer you some wise advice, Suburbia, but don't know what you can do about the housing situation. The sooner the solicitor gets things moving so you're finally free, the better!
ReplyDeleteTall Girl sounds so wise for her age. Don't worry--she knows you are there for her any time a problem might arise. Perhaps Husband has mellowed out and realizes all that he is losing.
Giving you a big hug across the miles,
Rose
Such a lot to think about... you are doing so well. Huge hugs and all.
ReplyDeleteOh, and Reasonstobecheerful123 missed your invitation to your blog... and would love to come and see you! x
hi Suburbia, just catching up.
ReplyDeleteSuch a lot of good and not-so good things happening for you. You'll have to do what that song says, 'accentuate the positive and ... blah blah the negative.'
The best daughter and father relationships tend to come under attack as she goes through adolescence but don't worry: she will stand up for herself and he may even come to appreciate her even more. And as long as you continue to have these lovely talks you'll both be fine.
And so with SS! No doubt there!
sorry Suburbia, life has kinda taken me over just recently but horrified by this post.
ReplyDeleteNo child should ever be scared of their father.
I have no advice except to say, "a father who has scared a child, even if in the past, is no real and kind father"
My Dad got angry sometimes, and when he was angry I was scared of him - quite rightly, but I never was totally scared of him.
I loved him to bits........
Keep the faith, you have some mountains to climb
I am living quite a lot at the moment so having trouble keeping up with my blogging, suffice to say, I always call in on yours to check you are doing ok
Letty ;0D
So glad small sprog thinks CRAP is a naughty word...!!!
ReplyDelete