Pre-teenage angst!

Poor Tall Girl is sad. She cried all over the place at tea time. She said she felt like crying at school. She wants to turn the clock back and return to primary school. She is missing her friends and her teacher. She is tired. The new school is all so much of a struggle each day, just getting to grips with the new environment, the routine and the journey.

I remember when she left playschool and went to infant school, all she ever wanted to do was return to playschool again. She lives a little in the past, a bit like me really.

However I think, as well as all that, poor Tall girl is suffering from her newly found hormones. Those nasty ones that make you want to cry at the drop of a hat, or kill someone, or both!!

Tonight I made her a warm rose and lavender bath. Put her CD player in the bathroom (I know that's not strictly safe but it was a long way from the bath), put on her favourite CD and left her to soak. She had a relaxing herbal tea afterwards with lashings of honey and went to bed sleepily happy.

Tonight I fell I may have helped, a little. My poor Tall Girl. It's a hard job growing up.

Everything and nothing

Today was not the day off I'd planned. Last week I'd been abandoned by both Husband and mother. The former was in London and the latter in France. It was kind of liberating, strangely. I had a whole day off with no one to please but myself. Not only did I get the house straight after the weekend but I also found time to read my book, read some blogs and sit in the garden, all without feeling guilty!

Why should I feel guilty? I have no idea, I just do. Maybe it's the deeply embedded protestant work ethic!! Who knows.

Anyway, much to my annoyance, Husband was working from home today. He sometimes does on a Monday but I was swept away in a freedom frenzy last week and had forgotten it maybe hard to recreate all over again. I had plans to settle down and finish a very long book (which has tiny writing and a lot of pages and I'm finding it quite hard to read but feel it may be worth it in the end) read bloggy things and maybe, just maybe, play the piano a little, while the house was empty (I can't remember how to play properly but like to 'play by ear' just for myself).

Now I know Husband wouldn't really care if I read a book all day, though he may comment about blogging for hours, but I just couldn't bring myself to sit down. I wanted an empty house, it had to be empty.

So I have spent the day cleaning!!

The place is sparking! I even finished cleaning the windows inside and out (a job which I had started last week). I can't say it was a wasted day, it all needed to be done, it just wasn't what I'd planned!

At tea tonight Husband said "That was such a tiring day!"
I just looked at him.
"All those customers I phoned up" He said "I've been on the phone all afternoon"
I have to say I couldn't find the words to express my thoughts at that moment!
Small Sprog sniffed his way through his meal. It seems that bouncing can bring on a very heavy cold out of the blue!! Tall Girl had enjoyed her team building day at school and was glowing with health.
"Don't bang your knife and fork on the table like that!" Husband growled
I gave her a look, which I hope, she interpreted as 'take no notice he's tired' and luckily she didn't comment. Our table, by the way, underneath the cover, has a marble top (great for pastry making, and mine from a different life pre Husband) very hard waring when I last looked!

Mum phoned tonight. She's back and wanting to visit. Guess what am I doing for my next day off??!!!

For 'Duracell Bunny' please insert Small Sprog!

Small Sprog has a new toy, courtesy of an end of season sale. It is Tall Girls too but Small Sprog has the longer lasting battery! They now are, we now are, the proud owners of a very large trampoline. It has a ladder up to it (!) and a safety net (thank goodness) and is just a little bit of a carbuncle on our suburban idle!!

We are the last family in the street to purchase one and I was beginning to think' Why bother?' when they happily went out to play on everyone else's!! However we have given in (or given up I'm not sure which!) and there it is. A vision of blue at the end of the garden. Why do they make them blue I wonder? If only it was green it would 'blend in'!

Husband put it together on Saturday. I had a horrible feeling it was going to be another 'greenhouse episode' but luckily the instructions were in English and the photos, though taken in China, were very clear.

Ever since it has been completed though, Small Sprog has been on it. Bouncing. All the time. And shouting too. (I am worried about the neighbours.) He has been very excited, and of course, he has invited all his mates in the street to play on ours. Now I know why I didn't need a trampoline in the garden! We have been invaded. There have been injuries, though thankfully not major, but unfortunately mostly to other peoples children.

If we hadn't reigned him in he'd still be going out there. Bouncing. Like a Duracell bunny, on and on and on! He should be tired, hopefully. He's safely in bed now, probably dreaming of bouncing. Or something more onerous, plotting perhaps, who knows what small boys dream of?

Did I mention that I was going to Pilates?!

Did I mention that I was going to a Pilates (prattes!!) class? It was an interesting experience.

It involved lots of deep breathing, lots of stretching and an exceeding amount of coordination. All in all it was harder than it looks! It was the coordination thing that really did me in! Remembering to breath in when you move that leg and breath out when you wave that arm and breath in again, keeping your tummy taut. It was all too much! I was sucking in when I should have been panting out and moving the left instead of the right. I fell over once too, well wobbled over really! Coordination was never my strong point!

And then there was the timing. A lunchtime class. When should I eat? If I went to the class hungry then my tummy would rumble embarrassingly during a quiet contemplative moment. Eat before I go and there may be, given a little exertion, the chance of accidental farting!! A difficult decision as you can appreciate!

Anyway there was one point when, as I was lying on my back staring at the ceiling, listening to lots of heavy breathing, I had to resist a very strong urge to laugh out loud! I just could see us all, from the observers point of view, panting and lurching about on the floor and it was very hard to take it all seriously. Concentrate, I kept thinking, you really must concentrate.

So I did try to concentrate because everyone else was very serious, and actually It felt very good. I'm sure it helped my back too and I'm definitely going again. One thing was disappointing though. No one was very friendly (and no I didn't accidentally fart!). At the end everyone just wandered out to their separate worlds. I guess I'll just have to rely on bloggyland for chatty folk!

Home again, home again......

Husband will be home later on tonight.
He has been gone since Saturday afternoon.
It's been quiet here.
I've done as I pleased.
Last night some friends came round for supper.
We had a lovely evening.
The children have been good.
It's been a great time all told.
It will be strange to have him back.
It feels like he's been away for ages.
A time of adjustment is needed.
I already feel a little resentful of having to share my space again .
I must be a very bad wife.

ABC Wednesday...................

This week the letter J

J is for

Jumping for Joy!

(because it was the last day of term in July and they had

a whole 5 weeks of holiday to look forward to)

ABC Wednesday was created by Mrs Nesbitt. (thanks Denise!)

More can be found on the ABC Wednesday no-comment blog,

and on ABC Wednesday Mr Linky .

Please visit as many as you can and leave comments for us all!

It's Meme Time!

Brett passed this on to me. He says it doesn't take all night!!

So here are the instructions: What you are supposed to do...and please don't spoil the fun...Copy/paste, type in your answers and tag four people in your lists! Don't forget to change my answers to the questions with that of your own.

(A) Four places I go over and over: Bloggyland (so sad!), Exmoor, Work, all the places the children need to be deposited at every week!

(B) Four people who e-mail me regularly: Amazon, Johnny Boden (catalogue!), Alternative Mother, M&S! (now if it were texts then I might look as though I have a few more friends!)

(C) Four of my favourite places to eat: Outside over a campfire, My mums house, Pizza Express because the children love it so much, Sifnos (A greek island, amazing beachside restaurant but can't remember it's name. Having said that I probably couldn't spell it anyway - I don't have the keyboard for it!))

(D) Four places you'd rather be: In the country, On a warm beach, On a long walk or in bed!

(E) Four TV shows I could watch over and over: This one is very difficult because I don't watch much TV. I do watch the weather forecast a lot though. Oh yes I remember; Life on Mars, I could watch that over and over!!

(F) Four people I think will respond: BS5, Bobo, Jenny and Akelamanu (hopefully).

And there you have it!

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

I spent a very peaceful time with the alternative mother and some of her children (as well as my own!) this afternoon. We picnicked in a field and the sun shone on us as though it was the middle of July. The younger children climbed trees and the two older ones lounged around with us on the rugs. We, the alternative mother and me, reminisced about how they have grown up so. How they sat on the same rugs as babies and gurgled politely to each other before vomiting their excess food down our backs!! How we had spent lazy days with them, with nothing much else to do and no where else much to go.

It's a long time ago now and they have grown into beautiful young people.

We are blessed.

Rabbiting on.

We had a rare conversation with our neighbours this afternoon. They are a sweet couple, no kids and live very quietly here in the suburbs.
"Do you ever hear a large thumping sound in the night?" He said "A bit like a drum"
I looked at Husband and he looked at me.
"It's the rabbit" I said apologetically "We have a degenerate rabbit. Does it wake you up?"
"Not every night" He said
"I'm so sorry"
"I got up the other night"He said "To see if something was outside. I thought something might be attacking the hutch!"
We never bother to check them! "No, it's the thing in the hutch that makes the noise. It's their warning signal, she just, well, sort of thumps. She has very big feet" (As if that is an excuse!) "She's a bit deaf too, and she can't see very much either" I don't think he was about to feel sorry for her but the sympathy vote was all I could hope for!
I apologised again "I'm very sorry. I don't know what to do about it. She wakes us up some nights too!"
At this point I think he was very controlled, but I knew what he was thinking.

Euthanasia!

The onset of addiction?!

We opened the last bottle of wine in the house tonight. Not a very notable event usually. However Husband is away tomorrow until Wednesday night, which leaves me in a wine free environment for at least half a week! It seems odd to drink alone, perhaps I should abstain, but it is the weekend. I mentioned to Husband that it was the last bottle.

"You'll have to go to get some more tomorrow then" He said

"But that means I'm just buying it for myself" I replied

" So?"

"Well that's what old men that sit on benches in graveyards do" I sniffed.

"I don't think they're drinking wine" He retorted

"Well it's the same principle isn't it?"I grumbled

However I do have some girl friends coming over while he's away! I guess I can buy wine for that and open it 'early' can't I?!!

I know the picture has nothing to do with wine but I drew it on a rare sunny day while we were on holiday. The day was a little like today weather wise, it feels ages since we've seen a summery day.

On a different note, earlier this week I was luckily enough to receive a new award from Saz at Fat, Frumpy and Fifty. I love this award and have displayed it with pride all week!! Thank you so much Saz.

As with all awards there are certain rules to follow:
1. Link to the giver

2. Nominate up to seven (oops...) other fab blogs and link to them

3. Leave messages announcing their rise to greatness.
note - You may have been given this already, so that means you are a GREAT blogger

I would like to award this to the following fellow bloggers who are my daily reads no matter what, and cheer me up on a daily basis (I can't award it back to you Saz but that's you too):

Rose

Liz

Dori

Brett

and BS5 Thanks,

Mum's the word!

Next week I'm starting a pilates class. It's not the sort of thing I do normally. I like to run, but communal fitness stuff isn't really me. However the osteopath recommended that I go and I always (!) do as I'm told so I'm going to give it a try. I would try anything at the moment!!

Husband thinks it's hilarious! He is calling it my Prattees class! Hmm.

Mum called today for the afternoon. She's off to France this weekend for a week (and Husbands off to London for nearly a week) and she wanted to see us before she went. (Nothing like being totally abandoned!)

Now the nights are drawing in she gets a little edgy about going home. She doesn't like driving in the dark, which means that by November coming for the afternoon will not be a very long visit!! Anyway, she decided not to stay for our evening meal, which is eaten about 6pm to accommodate children. 'It doesn't get dark until 8' I said, but she insisted that it's dark by 7pm. I think she is referring to 'dusk' but anyway I didn't argue.

Meal preparations were almost complete this evening, and she was still here.

'Would you like to eat with us mum?' I hinted 'There's enough'

'No, I'll go home in a minute'

Dinner was ready. I could delay no longer. 'I bet as soon as it's on the plate she'll decide to go' I thought. Yep!

Plates on the table and children's hands washed and ready to eat. Mum decides to go. ' Bye!' She says cheerily as the dinner steams on hot plates at the table.

The children are torn. Small Sprog wants his dinner hot but also wants to say goodbye to his beloved granny! What a dilemma. I am seething! The food is on the table. Our nice calm and quite (well perhaps it's never that calm or quiet but at least it's usually co-ordinated) mealtime is in uproar! The children are running about with Granny hanging off them for kisses and goodbye hugs. Husband is sitting in his car with the engine running on the road, waiting for her to take her car out of the drive so that he can pull back onto it again! And me?! I'm jugging plates, in the oven, out of the oven, in the oven, out of the oven and so on.

I should be used to it really. She always comes in like a whirlwind, and now she has perfected going out like one. I do love her so though!

When she's gone the house is reasonably quiet again. We settle down to eat. As I'm sitting there I realise that I won't see her again before she travels. I didn't really wish her a happy holiday or give her an extra hug. And then I realise that I forgot to give her all the bits of shopping that she asked me to buy, Aaaggh!

ABC Wednesday...................

This week the letter I

I is for Iris

Our garden

and frilly ones in my mum's garden

ABC Wednesday was created by Mrs Nesbitt. (thanks Denise!)

More can be found on the ABC Wednesday no-comment blog,

and on ABC Wednesday Mr Linky .
Please visit as many as you can and leave comments for us all!

Another classic sprogism!

By the time I reached the hairdressers today I felt as though I'd done a days work. It was one of those mornings. My appointment was 9am!

I like my hairdresser. She doesn't chat too much, she's calm and serene and gives the most amazing head massage. She does often cut a bit too much off though, but it grows soon enough!

I picked Small Sprog up from school at 10.40 to take him to his dyslexic tutor. He was happy and chatty as usual and when we arrived at our destination we were a little early so we sat in the car together.
"Do you like my hair?" I asked him with a grin.
"Looks just the same as usual" He replied.
"I've had it cut, didn't you notice?!" It looked very different to me!
"No" He replied "You always look beautiful!"

Can you believe that? He's 8 years old and he already has the 'gift of the gab'. He definitely had a sparkle in his eye when he said it and I had to chuckle to myself. All those lucky girls of the future!

I have something wrong with my mouse finger. My mouse finger you understand. Not my mouses finger! If I ever, ever, decide to get another furry rodent type pet that you keep in a cage, then you can just delete me because I 'll deserve it!!

So, my mouse finger hurts. Yes, I know I'm whinging again but, you know, sometimes that's what a diary is for. Oh and I know you're reading it, so I should say something jolly, and today is a jollyish sort of a day, it's just that something is wrong with my mouse finger. I think it's the onset of arthritis or rheumatism or gout or something! Probably (also) to do with vast amounts of alcohol which I have been consuming for the following reasons:

It helps my back pain (whinge, whinge)

We had friends for Sunday lunch (so you have to be sociable don't you?!)

I prefer to feel a little light headed (it makes everything look so much better!)

I have something wrong with my mouse finger (OMG I'm getting old before my time)

The problem with having something wrong with your mouse finger is that scrolling and clicking become a bit painful. Well, on a scale of pain it's certainly not childbirth! More like discomfort I guess.

So if anyone has a solution (and I realise a healthy diet would help, cut down on alcohol etc.) Then I'd love to hear (read) it. Meanwhile the sun is shining (so it can't be the damp!) and there are a million jobs to do. So what am I doing here?!

Running & Awards

We trouped off to watch some friends run the Bristol Half Marathon today. It was a beautiful day weather wise, very unexpected. The children were slightly disinterested to begin with, and I must agree that it's quite a weird feeling trying to absorb so many faces as they all run past. However, the children got the hang of cheering people along (without getting embarrassed) eventually and in the end it was hard to drag them away. Just as we were walking back a few more runners jogged past. They were wearing t-shirts with bras printed on them and I think they were running for a breast cancer charity. The t-shirts were quite bright and eye catching. Small Sprog spotted them.
"C'mon big bra ladies!" He shouted at the top of his voice!
Luckily they laughed.

.

.

A bit of Housekeeping now:

The brilliant Liz at Finding Life Hard has awarded me this.......

...................I'm not sure I deserve it but am very pleased to accept!

Thank You Liz

Now I have to pass it on so here goes;

Hullabrouhaha

Maggie

Saz

Scarlett

All well deserved!

History

When Husband returned home tonight we had a couple of glasses of wine and talked about an odd assortment of things. Somehow we got onto the subject of that very 'first kiss' and the way it can make us feel. He thinks that to go back with the knowledge we have now would spoil all those first experiences. I think it would add to the intensity of feeling. We mulled over our previous lives, the important things, the way that, when you're younger things seem so much more intense.

After a while I found myself in tears. It was unintentional and I felt ashamed, trying to hide, but he knows me too well. I always find it hard to look forward and often look back to the golden years with fondness but possibly through rose coloured spectacles. Husband was surprised at my tears. He doesn't know a great deal about my previous relationships. The intensity of my first love, the passion, the endless range of emotions and, even now, how it is all so very vivid and still raw.

It was a great love. A love (and lust) which I know I will never experience again. Which was destined to exist only for a while, but even so, consumes me now. It lasted 10 years, off and on, and every moment is etched indelibly on my heart, my soul, my being. I am blessed that I have experienced such emotion, for some never do.

My tears are not for the past. For that worked itself out and can never be relived. The tears are for the present and the future. The absence of that passion, that first love, that emotion. I know those emotions have been replaced by a comfort and solidness that others long for. A comfortable family life. A normal life. No risks, no searing pain, no excitement, no heart wrenching fondness.

I have so much to be thankful for. But to carry on in a passionless life is like living in a world of pastel hues. Pretty, nice, but just a little faded.

When the cat's away

Husband is away tonight. This means I get to watch TV that I want to watch (but there's nothing interesting on anyway, typical!), not feel guilty about being on the computer (spent the last hour trying to shop on the web rather than blogging, so feeling a little cross) and please myself (if time)! The down side is that I always find it hard to go to bed on time when I'm on my own. I'm not afraid of going to bed alone, but I always find things to do in the evening. And with no one else in the house (apart from the sleeping babies that is) I have been known to hoover and tidy after 10pm! I sort of get a second surge of energy later on at night. If only I could 'harness' the energy surge for the following morning!

Husband is always the one who gets the bed time routine going. He goes up, I follow. When he's away it sort of doesn't work. Then in the morning he's also the one who gets up first. I'm not good at mornings.

Tomorrow I have to get Tall Girl off to school by 7.20am. I have set two alarm clocks and have programmed myself to get up as soon as they go off rather than laze about thinking about getting up, as I often do. I just hate getting up!

So I'm off now.

I've resisted the hoover. I'm being sensible. And as much as I'd love to sit around and chat, I really must go. Wish me luck, I'm not sure the alarm clock will do the trick and I am really looking forward to reading my new book in bed.........

ABC Wednesday...................

This week we have reached the letter H

H is for hot houses!

Tyntesfield above and the University of Bristol Botanic Gardens below

Finally a shot from the balcony of the

old Victorian hot house at Kew Gardens London.

I love the architecture of these old buildings

almost as much as the beautiful content's!

ABC Wednesday was created by Mrs Nesbitt.

More can be found on the ABC Wednesday no-comment blog

and on ABC Wednesday Mr Linky .

Please visit as many as you can and leave comments for us all!

Girl talk

Small Sprog seems to have settled in well at his new school. So far, so good.
Today he came home with a party invitation. Gosh, how lovely of someone to include him I thought. The invite was from a girl, Emily. He is keen to attend!

This evening I asked him how his day had gone. He said he had had an IT lesson. (His last school didn't do much IT and the children had to share computers, so his IT skills are not quite as honed as his class mates but at his new school they get a computer each and two sessions a week so I am hoping he will do well.)

"How did you get on?" I asked.

"Anna helped me, she's nice."

"Oh!" (Another girl, I thought!)

He played with a friend after school tonight.

Her name was Erin.

Can you see a pattern here?!

Tonight before tea he asked if he could phone a friend from his old school. I handed him the phone and half an hour latter suggested that he ought to put it down as tea was nearly ready.
Olivia's tea was probably on the table too!

My mum rang just a few minutes ago to see how the children are both getting on at school. On hearing Small Sprogs news she muttered, almost disapprovingly, "You've got trouble brewing there"!!

I think she may be right.

Oh, and the photo, I nearly forgot! The chains of pain are no longer binding!! One dose of muscle relaxants and my back feels much better. I must learn to treasure the comfort of a healthy and pain free body, because it really does feel very good.

Success On A Plate!

Tall Girl came home full of school! She was positively buzzing with over excitement and she had had a great day. In fact she was positively loopy! Thanks to everyone who commented their good wishes, it's great to have such support.

In all the madness of the last few days Small Sprog has also started his new school.

I picked him up after his first day:

"Oops mummy" He said

OMG what has he done, I thought!

"I had a school dinner by accident!"

"How can you eat a whole school dinner by accident?"

"I had pudding too"

"By accident??"

"Yes" He said

"But I sent you to school with a packed lunch!"

It is 3.15pm

"Can I eat it now?" He replied

I guess new school makes a small boy hungry!

PS for those who've asked, I still have a major pain in the back! It's driving me nuts. I am trying to avoid the doctors but I may have to grit my teeth and go anyway. Even the strongest painkillers in the house don't seem to be making much difference at the moment.

Didn't mean to moan really!

New Beginings

Tall Girl starts senior school tomorrow. She is feeling nervous and excited. I am feeling excited for her but sad for myself. A new era is beginning. I am entrusting her to a new set of adults. People who will influence her whom I shall never really get to know (unlike junior school where there is one teacher and many opportunities for contact) She is catching the school bus at 7.30 tomorrow morning. She has never traveled on her own. I can feel my bonds to her stretching further than before. Painfully extending across space. Knowing that things are changing and I can't stop time. People say, when they're babies, that you should make the most of them. The time goes so quickly, they say, and they're right. It just didn't seem like it at the time. And now I find myself wishing for all that time back, I want to do it all again. But life's not like that. I must look forward. She has to grow and I know she will be beautiful. She is my wonderful rose and her blooming is about to begin. Good luck Tall Girl. You are much loved.

Pills and Alcohol

This combination seems to be working!! Periods of being almost pain free today! Just in time to return to work (sigh).

Hopefully back to normal posting soon.