Almost daily diary!

Friday, September 10, 2010

What a week!

A long time ago, it seems like a lifetime, my solicitor told me I would be eligible for Legal Aid, she was in possession of all the financial information at the time and I trusted her. She also told me that if I went to court, she would be able to get me a better financial settlement than husband had offered me. You are entitled to more, she told me. I trusted her.

This week, after many months of form filling and jumping through hoops, I received a letter from the Legal Commission. I read it several times before the words made any sense. I am not entitled to financial help. I can't afford to go to court without it. 


So much time has been wasted just waiting for the cogs and wheels to turn and now, after all that, it seems I will have to settle for his offer, the one he made last year, the one which is worth less than half our joint assets, the one that means I will never manage to be able to house the children and myself in our own home. It has been a massive blow and a wake up call to reality, I tried not to cry. 

And it still seems so unfair that he should be living in a pleasantly tree lined road, in a 4 bedroomed house that he owns, with a large garden. A house that will grow in value over time, has grown in value in fact and which he can sell as soon as he is divorced, yet we are and will continue to pay rent and live somewhere much less leafy. I am trying very hard not to dwell on this, it is better ignored or forgotten. Yet at the same time I am so very glad I no longer live on that leaf lined street, that I no longer walk the paths or drive the roads of that particular suburbia. My life is good and I have much to be grateful for, I am counting my blessings instead, there are no regrets.

When I rang the solicitor to tell her the financial news she sounded surprised and immediately asked for £500!  Can you believe it?! I have asked her to settle out of court for me as quickly as possible, and I hope it is possible; a request that, as yet I have had no response to. My worry is that I am in a much weaker position now if he finds out I cant afford to go to court and who knows what his offer will be? 

However the divorce papers are ready to roll as soon as the finances are cleared. At least it will all be over, the silver lining in the cloud, that is what I am hanging on to - an End at last..

Also on a more positive note; the job I declined in the summer, after much deliberation and worry, has just been offered to me as a temporary contract with reduced hours that I can do. The hours fit in with my permanent job, so I consider myself extremely lucky. Funny how things turn out

19 comments:

Akelamalu said...

How very unfair!!! I'm so sorry to hear this.

Still you seem upbeat in that you are happy despite this setback and it's great news about the job - a silver lining indeed. x

Furtheron said...

Black Clouds and Silver Linings - seems apt today.

At least the job thing is good - I was surprised that they didn't work to accommodate your needs.

My brother lost the house he'd worked so hard for and all that - but he was here yesterday with his new wife and so happy and confident and looking forward... things will get better and don't dwell on the unfairness of the settlement just be grateful once it is settled that it is just that - settled and done and behind you.

Best wishes

Steve said...

I hate solicitors. They really are self serving gits at the end of the day. It's all about their time and their money. So sorry you've been let down. But, yes, on the bright side, you're out and away from that house and environment... there are still blessings to count.

the eternal worrier: said...

Dont even get me going on this. Lou B is in a very simular situation as yourself. x

Elizabeth said...

Gosh, poor old you!!!
I hate lawyers!!!!

But slightly better news about the job.
love to the children

French Fancy... said...

So sorry to read this but at least the contract sounds a positive step and you never know what might happen in the future with the SO

Maggie May said...

You seem to leap forward and then slide back. How very unfair. I don't trust solicitors one bit! Can't you find a written statement that she wrote to you assuring you that you would get legal aid? Surely if it is written down ......
I am pleased about the job, at least that is something to feel happy about and the fact that you are nearly free!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Saz said...

hi, l dont get that , legal aid for the divorce and financial settement is one thing...and going to court and applying for aid is separate..

but to go to court IS very pricey and l wouldnt qaulify for it and l have no savings and small income...but you should get legal aid...on pat time work...

we should talk on gmail soon...and compare info

l'm on tenter hooks at present...much crappolla to deal with, trying to keep a grip

saz x

Rob-bear said...

This is SO sad, and SO horrid. No system that I know of really helps underdogs.

I hope you can, indeed, work on this.

Blessings on the (rough road) journey.

Helen McCookerybook said...

Good luck! I got divorced from a nasty man two years ago and I am so glad that I did.
Divorce settlements seem always to be unfair. Be patient and enjoy not being tied to someone who makes you miserable.
Try to forgive the solicitor eventually- they are only trying to make a living and its sounds like they are not very good at their job.
I hope everything works out well for you!

nick said...

I can't find strong enough words to describe Husband, he is utterly selfish. But you are proving resilient enough to survive despite all his obstacles and show him he can't undermine you that easily.

The solicitor has let you down badly as well. But good news about the job. Fortunately not everything goes pear-shaped.

Rose said...

This all just doesn't seem fair, Suburbia. And yet I'm glad to see you are looking at the positive side of it; yes, you are still better off than you were a year ago. And the new job offer is good news; maybe it's a sign that more good things are to come.

Liz said...

I'm so glad you made such a good decision on your job and it's worked out for you.

AS for finance, well, he has to live with his conscience and the children will see the truth of it.

Chic Mama said...

I'm so sorry...makes me mad. Solicitors often charge minimum of £200/hour plus barristers and court fees and yet if you earn over the very low threshold of legal aid you can't fight back. It is disgusting and as you know, something I faced too....I have gambled everything on winning but I did have something to gamble with. Time will tell whether I was right or not.
I so want this law to change....thinking of you. XX

dulwich divorcee said...

I'm thrilled to hear the job is going to work after all. As to the legal side, I'm afraid after my divorce I would not believe one single word a lawyer said and I try never to speak to one now if I can possibly help it! Our divorce laws are a scandal and I'm so sorry the legal aid didn't work out. It sucks. But the job is a sign that things will work out in the end xx

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

You never know what changes may come; this job opportunity may open up into something that will work so well for you. You meet new people, go new places, find new roads and everything is different.
Think back a year ago; today seemed light years away, yet here you are. Today will seem the same next year, and you will still be doing well, making a go of it every day, delighting in your children, loving your mum and getting stronger every day.

*HUGS HUGS*


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

McBöbø said...

My ex wife and I went to court to get a speedy divorce (her wish). As I was not legally represented the judge asked us to come in, in person. He wanted to check that I knew the nature of the settlement and that I was not being exploited. Despite having no children, it was a concern of the court that someone without legal representation wasn't being abused by the legal system. I trust that you, with children, will be as well taken care of you.

♥ Suburbia ♥

PS: And 4 years later, I'm 16 days from being married!!!

auntiegwen said...

I feel for you, I am in the midst of a financial settlement myself and it's all so very hard.

Have a hug from me xxx

ps so pleased about the job

Kitty said...

Solicitors are such whores where money is concerned, aren't they? :( Mine has just told me he is no longer taking legal aid cases ... goodbye and good luck.

x