Almost daily diary!

Saturday, January 18, 2014

A belated Happy New Year!

I know it's a bit late but Happy New Year!

It's been a good start for me. Having spent two terms at work feeling extremely stressed with my job I finally decided to speak to my line manager on return to school. No boring details here but the stressful part of my job has been removed (for now). I am thanking my lucky stars - it was a much better outcome than I could have ever dreamed of. So, what a difference a day makes! I am loving my work and - although working far more hours than I'm getting paid for - it's made a massive difference to my life. I consider myself to be very lucky.

Other news...Small Sprog will be 14 on Thursday! He has seemingly no idea of time passing - mostly due to his obsession with the virtual world (look who's talking!) so when I mentioned that his birthday was only a few days away he showed extreme surprise!

Mum has been today to celebrate early with him and we have had cake in abundance. I am glad she feels able to still drive, she will be 80 later this year. Yet sometimes I feel I have lost her. I have read that, as you get older, you lose your empathy and sometimes I feel she has lost the ability to ask about us. She has become obsessed with her health, which is pretty good for her age and last Friday I received an email from her saying she had not heard from me recently, despite me ringing her 4 days earlier.When I rang her it turned out she had been in bed with an upset tummy for a few days and seemed most put out that I hadn't rung her during that time! Apparently she had felt more ill than she ever had before -yet she was in 'more pain than ever before' before Christmas when her shoulder was playing up. When I said 'next time you're poorly let me know?' she replied 'well there's nothing you can do about it is there?' - it's hard to know what to do for the best. Today I asked how she was and she said she had had a rash and it was 'the most uncomfortable she had ever been'. I exchange a glance with Tall Girl who knows that I have been suffering with my skin since the new year, and said nothing. Perhaps this self obsession is old age? It is irritating but there is no point in being irritated. Perhaps it is to do with memory? Whatever it is, she sometimes is someone I don't really know.

As she left today, she made a comment about when she might see us again. It is difficult working 4 days a week, keeping house and soul together with 2 kids and a stinky cat, to give her the attention she craves. Mostly I see her once a week, sometimes once in ten days, she lives an hour away by car, so it's not just a quick trip around the corner. Yet one day she will not be there and then I will miss her very badly, so I am trying not to be irritated and to appreciate her, as she was, as well as how she seems to be now.


nick said...

Self obsession does seem common in the very old. My mum and Jenny's mum are exactly the same. No interest at all in our jobs or activities or lives generally. They just natter on about themselves as if they live in a vacuum. So of course you start wondering why you keep in touch at all. I guess all you can do is check she's healthy and managing everything okay and apart from that leave her to it.

Maggie May said...

Glad you have a better time at school now that your job has changed to less stress. You were lucky that they listened to you.

Happy Birthday to SS. 14 already. Quite the young man.

Sorry to hear about your mum. Living alone can be difficult and when you are ill it is easy to become introverted.
I think loneliness in the elderly is responsible for many things and it is impossible for our children to be able to cope with full time jobs and looking after their children singlehanded and give regular attention to parents.
I suppose that the only answer is for them to make a life of your own.
I really hope I never get to that stage of not being interested in my children & grandchildren.
Maybe all our expectations of other people are way off normal anyway.

Belated Happy New Year...... what a wet one!
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Rob-bear said...

Glad you made it back into the blogsphere! Belated Happy New Year, and advance Happy Birthday to the Sprog.

So glad to hear that your job is gong better! Any improvement is good news.

Sorry about your mom. Hope she perks up a bit.

Blessings and Bear hugs!

Steve said...

I agree with Nick's comment above. My granddad certainly got that the older he got. It was almost like mentally and emotionally he retired into himself. It's hard not to take it personally but it really is just part of the process of getting old for a lot of people.

Rose said...

So glad to hear your job has improved; it's great when a supervisor is sympathetic and actually does something about it.

So sorry to hear about your Mum. I do think it's true that the elderly become more self-absorbed, especially when it comes to health. I've been very lucky that my parents, who are in their 80's, have remained active enough to avoid becoming this way yet. But my aunt is one of these people--you don't want to ask "how are you" unless you've got a half hour to spare:)

Saz said...

interesting reflections Sub!!

i for one have given up on all that is past and all that might be...
i have really grasped the present, being present in the present, if you get my drift..
ive 'known' it for years, decades, however... its only been the last few months that I have truly 'realised it' and grasped it with both hands..
am just being, being me, being content in the moment (happy is too hard to grasp)..

i wish you great things this year...

just breathe and be present in each moment, trite i know perhaps, but it seems to be working..
think the thing used to be phrased...'smell the roses'!!

luv u

saz xx

Liz Hinds said...

When I hear of the problems people have with ageing parents I am glad I am an orphan!