Almost daily diary!

Monday, June 29, 2009

untitled

Sometimes, just sometimes you know when something is going to hit you full pelt. Perhaps it is some sort of sixth sense. I have always dreaded this moment. I knew it would come. Particularly when family life here was going smoothly a while back. Pessimistic or realistic, call it what you like, but when things in life are going smoothly and people all around you have their own sets of problems, you do begin to wonder when your problems will come!

Well, I didn't realise I would be the cause of mine. Not the entire cause, but the one who would bring the decision nearer, who would start the ball rolling to break up the family. Once it was reality I remember thinking that things don't roll along smoothly forever. I remember thinking, this was it, the thing that was going to happen. I always thought it would be illness of a parent or something like that, when I got to this point in my life.

And now, all of a sudden, I am faced with that too. The inevitable illness of a parent as they get older. Of my Mum. It's not for sure, yet. By tomorrow we should know. I am in that place I never wanted to be. It was inevitable, I could almost feel it in my bones of late. I'm not sure my state of mind can cope with this as well as everything else. I need to be strong.


19 comments:

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Oh I've been where you are and then some. One thing after another after another after another - it's called teh catasrrophic effect. I hope the news for your mother is much less fraught than you are expecting.

Carol said...

Oh hon, I hope it's nothing too serious!! Am keeping my fingers crossed that what ever it is it's treatable and that your Mum makes a speedy recovery!!

C x

Maggie May said...

Oh Sub........ I am so sorry.
This seems to be a pattern, as you get older more, things go wrong.
I hope it isn't something too bad. People get over the worst kind of illness, you know. I was a young mum when my own mother got breast cancer & I thought she was going to die.
She lived many, many years after that and died of something else when she was well over eighty.
Of course its the *not knowing* that is the worst. X

Furtheron said...

Oh dear - I feel for you. My Dad died suddenly in 1984 when I was too young to really get it. My Mum passed away in 2006 after a battle with a long term terminal illness.

I wish you all the strength in the world to cope with it.

The one bit I still don't really get is that as my sister put it then "We are it now, we are the older generation" Which was true as my Mum's sister died in the same month so that was the end of all our older direct relatives. Suddenly you are the ones with the most wisdom... that is a bit scary, when you don't really seem to have any...

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Your inner child needs your Mum... and of late you have enjoyed her. Now you have to face being her caregiver.
How scary
Such grief.
It will be so hard for you both - and a huge load for you to bear - I know you are strnog and intelligent and capable and loving... I know you will survive... but it is ok for it to be difficult and filled with grief.
You will cope because your children need you and you won't let them be lost to you over all this.
We hear your pain and your happiness but are powerless to do more than offer these type of words - but at least it might help to know people are listening.

Rose said...

Sometimes I look at other people who have some serious issues to deal with in their lives, and I think how do they cope? But the fact is, they do--some inner strength seems to appear and they manage to get through it one day at a time. That inner strength will surely come through for you, too, and help you to get through this. I wish your Mum well and pray that the tests turn out to be reassuring.

MissKris said...

It sounds serious, whatever it is that's wrong with your Mum. I remember 22 years ago when my Mom was diagnosed with colon cancer. What a roller coaster ride that was emotionally for 2 years before she finally passed away. I wasn't blessed to have a close and loving relationship with her like you do with yours but thankfully we were able to get our issues resolved and I was able to see her go without any regrets. Even so, no matter what our relationship is with a mother, they're still OUR mother and the loss of her has left a hole in my heart these past 20 years. I will keep you both in my prayers, Dear Suburbia. Let's hope whatever it is proves to be treatable and that you have her with you for a long time yet.

Brett said...

Thinking of you and wishing for the best.

Hullaballoo said...

Oh my dear Suburbia, I am so sorry to hear that. Sending hugs from us all. Feel free to email me if will help.

xxxxxx

Liz said...

Hope it's better news than you fear. You are strong. you can do this. Love and prayers. x

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Oh my dear, I'm so sorry for your worries....

hope its good news...saz x

Steve said...

Thinking of you and hoping that the news is good...

nick said...

Sorry to hear that. I hope it's less serious than you imagine. And as others have said, in a crisis situation it's surprising what hidden resources you find in yourself.

Jennysmith said...

My darling, you are in my thoughts and prayers. This is a painful time to go through. Am with you every step of the way.

xxxxx

Dori said...

Right...take a moment tomorrow and think of Suburbia and Suburbia's mom...got it. It's always something, isn't it?

The Dotterel said...

Me too...

Lakeland Jo said...

praying for you both
X

lakeviewer said...

I hope it's a passing thing. Stay calm and roll with it; the world turns, our fortunes change. We survive many things/

Anonymous said...

Hope - as everyone has said - that it's not as bad as you fear.

JonnyB