Almost daily diary!

Sunday, September 13, 2009

X or ex

Tall Girl likes the X Factor, over the last few years we have spent nights through the autumn, together on the sofa, watching all the contestants with interest. Any night would do, the repeats are more frequent than Simon Cowells face lifts! It has been good.

Husband always moaned at having to have it on the TV at all, and I have to say, if it weren't for Tall Girl I don't think I would be watching all of it either, but together with her, it was fun. It was our girly time together.

On Friday night, as the X Factor theme tune played out of the TV, Husband rushed to the sofa to sit by Tall Girl.
"You never used to like the X Factor" I hazarded.
"Was that sarcasm I can hear?" Was his reply.
"No" I said, but he went on, with his own brand of sarcasm.

I find it hard to talk back, especially when the children are around. Why can't I stand my ground here? I hate that I can't be me, I buckle, I am not strong. Why? The harsh words make me cry, which I do silently in the kitchen. I wish it was different.

This year TG has a new TV partner, I should be glad for her. I am sad.



(Then again, hopefully, soon, he will be my ex factor!)

23 comments:

Maggie May said...

My problem is that I would answer back & that would just cause an argument AND I would still be hurt.
Your way is probably the best way.
It seems to me that you were just sitting with your daughter, enjoying a lovely girly time together & he decided to change his usual tactics & come & join in because he was sort of jealous of the two of you.

Chic Mama said...

I was thinking, do you think you put up with this situation because you are used to 'putting on an act' with your stepfather? What do the girls think? Are they happy for you all to be living together, is there not an atmosphere? Or are you both very good at hiding it all? Sorry I'm prying and I'm not sure why you are living together still....I know I just couldn't do it. I have to psyche myself up just to be face to face with my husband while handing the children over....to actually live with him would send me crazy.
He sounds like another manipulative bully? Fancy getting in on the x-factor 'act', how mean of him. I'm sure your daughter would much prefer to watch with you. Couldn't you ignore him and sit the other side of her. Feeling for you.

Steve said...

Your husband knows what he is doing. His actions, his words are all primed to undermine you. If that's all he's got to throw at him he must be a deeply sad, deeply insecure person. Bear that in mind and you'll find it easier to let it just go over your head.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Simon has face lifts!!! Never occurred to me lol.

That's sad, and petty, and all part of power and control. I do feel for you... sooo been there. I can;t wait until you are free of him, the house, the atmosphere. I guess you don;t have two tv's? Can you watch it in the other room? She might come through and join you instead? If not, let your daughter show you the best ones on youtube later... relive them with her.

The Dotterel said...

He's being very, very childish. Rise above it, and the kids will start to see it soon enough.

Valerie said...

Hi, I'm new and perhaps shouldn't comment so all I'll say is that I agree with Steve. I've been in your situation, I know how difficult it is to handle. Sometimes a condemning look works better than words.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

I would install a small tele in your bedroom, out of pique then invite your daughter to apyjama party...I suppose its childish to join in his games..perhpas just be content with the factt hat soon the three of you will be togther, alon!

How is it all going....whcih means , when will he be gone?

saz x

Suburbia said...

Saz, I wish I knew. I don't understand why things are moving so slowly, if at all, I think it must be due to solicitors but apart from constantly e mailing mine to remind her I'm still here (which she probably charges me for) I don't know what else to do. I have to admit it is getting me down a bit, but thanks for asking.

Akelamalu said...

I think Saz's idea is an excellent one!

Carol said...

Don't rise to it and don't let him push you out!! Try and grit your teeth and bear it....as you get into it you and TG will be chatting away like normal and he'll be the one feeling like an outsider!!

C x

Lakeland Jo said...

your little comment just at the end proves what a sparky and strong woman you are. Hold onto that. It is good you can hold the higher moral ground

Liz said...

Ignore him. He'll soon get fed up of the show. xx

~JarieLyn~ said...

It's hard. I used to get my feelings hurt all the time by my ex and at some point I became numb and he couldn't hurt me anymore. When you reach that point it will be so much easier to deal with having him around because he will be the one who feels like an outsider. You will have all the power then. Just act like he doesn't have an effect on you and pretty soon, he won't.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Grrrrr!!! It's no wonder you feel like that, it's called being worn down. But that's OK you're nearly at the end of all this and that's probably why he's getting like this. Ignore it, rise above...just as you are.

Read your last post too. Sending hugs.x

gaelikaa said...

Stay cool. Stay calm. Let him say whatever he wants. Don't cry. Don't see. Don't hear. You'll be free soon. Soon enough.

Thumbelina said...

Saz's idea is the best. Pyjama times with kids is great. And personal. ;0)

Read post 1 & 2 now. Hope things settle down with you and your mum. Can't be easy.
Well written. Well done. You are so balanced.

dulwich divorcee said...

I was quite surprised to find your husband on the sofa, watching the X Factor or not! For a few months Mr X and I had to swap over weekends in the house and it was absolute hell. But, knowing what I do now, I think I would have tried harder to salvage things. Is there any hope, do you think?

nick said...

I sincerely hope he is soon your ex factor. Can't you put a bomb under that sluggish solicitor?

Suburbia said...

Nick I am trying, but fear that she may charge for every e mail of mine that she reads!

Suburbia said...

DD NONE AT ALL! We are living reluctantly here together, and I am treading on eggshells, whilst the solicitors apparently twiddle their thumbs. I can't wait until the time when we will live apart for good. He is certainly not here still because of the good of our relationship, that was gone long ago.

mumplustwo said...

You are strong! Not getting into a war of words in front of Tall Girl shows real strength of character, not weakness. In these situations (when he's being deliberately provocative) the less said, the better. Well done, you. x

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

read this the other day too, when I was still laughing about your shoe scenario......or lack of!

Yes, he is being childish in the extreme.

Sorry, but the sooner he is your Ex Factor the better ;0D

I love the programme to be honest but Husband hates it with a passion, I am on my own this weekend (hence catching up with my blogging and commenting etc) and will settle down with wine and my tea to see it tonight.

love from Letty x

Kitty said...

Oh how I can relate. Big time. It's amazing how people can 'change' when they want to hurt other people.

Take a deep breath. Hang on in there, and know that in time your kids will see what's what. I know it feels like they won't, but they will.

Just be yourself - that's what your kids love, and consistency is important.

x