I'm not ever really sure that I like New Year, it's sometimes too much of a marker of time, more so than Christmas for me because that day is always awash with food and merriment, children and good things. Perhaps I have my mother to thank for that, she was the 'Memory Maker' of past Christmases and I have been blessed with may good ones and have been endowed with a 'blue print' for more ( hopefully) to come.
However new year is different. As a child in my own family it was never regarded as special and consequently I have always struggled to make it special myself, it has never been a family occasion. Over the years I have spent new year with all sorts of friends various; I feel quite envious of those who have a routine for new year. But each time it comes around I always remember exactly what I was doing last year, the year before, the one before that, the millennium, the year I this that and the othered! It's just too much of a marker...
This year we are having a quiet and civilised meal out and then coming home to look after the cat because he hates fireworks! The children are with their dad, it will be the 2nd new year I have spent without them but we shall text and Facebook, where would we be without that?!
So, as you can see, new year makes me thoughtful and ponderous. I look forward to the year to come with excitement and trepidation all at once. I have a long and growing grateful list and it is this that I shall be considering as I pass between this year and the next.
Happy New Year to all my virtual and non virtual friends, may 2012 bring good things to us all.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
So how was your Christmas?
Mine started early with a text from Tall Girl ( she was only in the next room) asking me to remove the cat from her pillow. As I entered the room, there she was, sitting bolt upright in bed eyes, like saucers staring at the cat. He was smiling (I know it was a smile because you could sense it, there was a definite upturn to the corners of his mouth) his little body curled up in a tight ball the middle of her pillow which, as far as he was concerned, was his rightful place. "When I rolled over mummy, I reached out my hand and felt his boney leg, and I thought Santa had left me a roast chicken!"
"Well, that would have been an original gift" I mused "but as it's only 1.30 in the morning do you think we could sleep now?"
I unceremoniously gathered the cat up and plonked him on her feet instead, he was a tad hurmphy but at that time in the morning what did he expect, Christmas cheer?!
Christmas eve with mum and Christmas day at home were full of fun and food and lovely things. then Ex husband turned up at 11am on Boxing Day to take the children home with him for his 'turn'.
Festive Ex was not. Small Sprog was as excited as he had been the previous days and asked dad to play various games but to no avail. Apparently Ex had had a busy morning and did not feel like playing, I was wondering if he was hung over but said nothing. Eventually Small Sprog played without daddy.
I so wanted to keep my children and play for days on end, I didn't want it to end, I wanted to carry on inside the bubble we had built for ourselves since school had finished; it was a happy and carefree bubble full of colour and light, but it wasn't to be.
And as I watched Ex and listened to him talking to Tall Girl, I remembered how everything was always about him, always.
We had a lucky escape.
Mine started early with a text from Tall Girl ( she was only in the next room) asking me to remove the cat from her pillow. As I entered the room, there she was, sitting bolt upright in bed eyes, like saucers staring at the cat. He was smiling (I know it was a smile because you could sense it, there was a definite upturn to the corners of his mouth) his little body curled up in a tight ball the middle of her pillow which, as far as he was concerned, was his rightful place. "When I rolled over mummy, I reached out my hand and felt his boney leg, and I thought Santa had left me a roast chicken!"
"Well, that would have been an original gift" I mused "but as it's only 1.30 in the morning do you think we could sleep now?"
I unceremoniously gathered the cat up and plonked him on her feet instead, he was a tad hurmphy but at that time in the morning what did he expect, Christmas cheer?!
Christmas eve with mum and Christmas day at home were full of fun and food and lovely things. then Ex husband turned up at 11am on Boxing Day to take the children home with him for his 'turn'.
Festive Ex was not. Small Sprog was as excited as he had been the previous days and asked dad to play various games but to no avail. Apparently Ex had had a busy morning and did not feel like playing, I was wondering if he was hung over but said nothing. Eventually Small Sprog played without daddy.
I so wanted to keep my children and play for days on end, I didn't want it to end, I wanted to carry on inside the bubble we had built for ourselves since school had finished; it was a happy and carefree bubble full of colour and light, but it wasn't to be.
And as I watched Ex and listened to him talking to Tall Girl, I remembered how everything was always about him, always.
We had a lucky escape.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
It's nearly here!
Well, it must be nearly time for the Big Day because Small Sprog is going off every few seconds! He is full of excitement and Christmas cheer, finding it hard to sleep, up at the crack of dawn, all the signs are there; it's nearly Christmas!
His sister has not really done her shopping yet! How can they be so different?
I, as is usual at this time of year, can't fit anything else in the fridge; the tree is looking a little dessicated (I have had a word with it and told it that it only has to hang on for another couple of days if possible please?) poised at a an angle not perpendicular to the floor and things keep falling off it; the cat keeps leaving little (very un-festive) parcels all about the house and between us we have probably eaten our body weight in 'Celebrations' (except the cat of course, as he can't manage the lid of the box, however if he could perhaps his 'parcels' would come out ready wrapped!). Yes, it really, nearly is Christmas!
Today the house has been full of visitors, at least that has helped with the fridge overload, who have come and gone bearing gifts and cards. So as I sit here on the verge of bedtime, I just wanted to record here for posterity and whoever is nuts enough to come here and read my ramblings, that I am grateful for it all and feel lucky and blessed to be in the here and now, with all that we have and all that we need. Christmas is a great time to take stock and be glad.
So, as I may not get here again before Christmas, I hope you all have the Christmas that you wish for and I hope it is a peaceful one too.
Merry Christmas
His sister has not really done her shopping yet! How can they be so different?
I, as is usual at this time of year, can't fit anything else in the fridge; the tree is looking a little dessicated (I have had a word with it and told it that it only has to hang on for another couple of days if possible please?) poised at a an angle not perpendicular to the floor and things keep falling off it; the cat keeps leaving little (very un-festive) parcels all about the house and between us we have probably eaten our body weight in 'Celebrations' (except the cat of course, as he can't manage the lid of the box, however if he could perhaps his 'parcels' would come out ready wrapped!). Yes, it really, nearly is Christmas!
Today the house has been full of visitors, at least that has helped with the fridge overload, who have come and gone bearing gifts and cards. So as I sit here on the verge of bedtime, I just wanted to record here for posterity and whoever is nuts enough to come here and read my ramblings, that I am grateful for it all and feel lucky and blessed to be in the here and now, with all that we have and all that we need. Christmas is a great time to take stock and be glad.
So, as I may not get here again before Christmas, I hope you all have the Christmas that you wish for and I hope it is a peaceful one too.
Merry Christmas
from
Wednesday, December 07, 2011
600
"Yes" I reply, only half concentrating.
"May be we should call the radiator Archie?"
(Now how did he make the leap from animal to inanimate object?)
"The radiator?" I say in a rather condescending way "No one gives their radiators names"
"Well you named your radio Nigel"
Ah, now he's got me on that one!
What names do you use for your household objects? (or am I alone on this one?!)
Sunday, December 04, 2011
Sticky Position
Last week someone backed into my car when it was parked outside work. I walked back to my car at lunchtime and there was a big dent in the bumper. My heart sank but then I noticed a note stuck to the window, the driver had left their contact details.
Everyone, including the insurance company, have told me how lucky I was that details were left. I already knew that, in fact I almost thanked the person for backing into my car because I was so grateful that they didn't just drive off! How sad it is though that leaving your details is now thought of as unusual and no longer just what anyone would do automatically?
Anyway, the insurance sorted it and I kept my no claims, for what its worth. The garage came to pick the car up and dropped it back yesterday. Just before they took it I had to empty it of all personal effects. Wow, what a whole load of cr*p there was to clear and mostly throw away. I left a stick in the back, or maybe it was under a seat and when they returned the car the man showed me around the car and there was the stick. He looked at me in a strange way, I could tell he was wondering why I carried a stick around with me. "Oh" I said, by way of explanation "It's my sons stick, he thinks he's a dog, though now we've got a cat he seems to just miaow a lot". The man looked at me; I could tell he was slightly unnerved "Just sign here madam" he said and made a hasty exit. Hey ho...
Everyone, including the insurance company, have told me how lucky I was that details were left. I already knew that, in fact I almost thanked the person for backing into my car because I was so grateful that they didn't just drive off! How sad it is though that leaving your details is now thought of as unusual and no longer just what anyone would do automatically?
Anyway, the insurance sorted it and I kept my no claims, for what its worth. The garage came to pick the car up and dropped it back yesterday. Just before they took it I had to empty it of all personal effects. Wow, what a whole load of cr*p there was to clear and mostly throw away. I left a stick in the back, or maybe it was under a seat and when they returned the car the man showed me around the car and there was the stick. He looked at me in a strange way, I could tell he was wondering why I carried a stick around with me. "Oh" I said, by way of explanation "It's my sons stick, he thinks he's a dog, though now we've got a cat he seems to just miaow a lot". The man looked at me; I could tell he was slightly unnerved "Just sign here madam" he said and made a hasty exit. Hey ho...
Friday, December 02, 2011
Out with the girls
I am excited, I don't see them so much now our children are all at senior school. I light candles the night before and set about writing Christmas cards for them all. I 'Facebook' Ruth and she apparently already has her Christmas tree up, so I tell her I am taking cards to our meal out and that if she does too it might discourage the others from groaning when I produce them with a flourish!
We sit in the restaurant. They groan as predicted. I watch them all and feel slightly removed. They are bogged down with domesticity, they moan about their husbands. They have become 'middle aged'.
This is the first year that we have not all come together and thrown a Christmas party for all our children. I feel sad at the loss but they seem to be pleased not to have to spend the afternoon with their own offspring. At least we have got ourselves together I think.
We chat for hours, and perhaps predictably, I am the one who is most likely to tell a 'rude' joke or a risky story and then think perhaps I should 'modify' my behaviour. I am beginning to feel that I have moved on, I am enjoying my life, my children, my own world.
As we leave I wonder finally if this is the last time we will all get together in the last few days of November. We have thrown a children's party for 14 years and now this. Good things come to an end, perhaps I shouldn't hold on to them for so long. The page has turned, so much more to look forward to.
We sit in the restaurant. They groan as predicted. I watch them all and feel slightly removed. They are bogged down with domesticity, they moan about their husbands. They have become 'middle aged'.
This is the first year that we have not all come together and thrown a Christmas party for all our children. I feel sad at the loss but they seem to be pleased not to have to spend the afternoon with their own offspring. At least we have got ourselves together I think.
We chat for hours, and perhaps predictably, I am the one who is most likely to tell a 'rude' joke or a risky story and then think perhaps I should 'modify' my behaviour. I am beginning to feel that I have moved on, I am enjoying my life, my children, my own world.
As we leave I wonder finally if this is the last time we will all get together in the last few days of November. We have thrown a children's party for 14 years and now this. Good things come to an end, perhaps I shouldn't hold on to them for so long. The page has turned, so much more to look forward to.
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