I have several groups of friends, and one group in particular has always been very close. We met when pregnant with our first babies and have met regularly and kept in touch ever since. However, things seem to have changed, the atmosphere is different, the talk is different, there is an elephant in the room.
We all still chat about the same things, children, school, too much to do and not enough time, ageing parents, blah de blah, all the personal stuff except, except, no one asks me about my relationship. I regard two of these people as close friends, and spent a lot of time with one today. We went through all the usual chat, and unusually she did the lions share of it, not once asking me about my life. I have a good friend calling in tomorrow too, it has been the same with her.
So am I being over sensitive? Are they worried about asking? Or am I just not on their radar now that I am a single mother with a lover. Does my life seem so far removed from theirs that they don't know what to say, are not interested, feel threatened? I know we all lose friends during such times but I really don't want to lose these. I am still me, the same me I always was; though perhaps not the one they used to see, the' settled in a safe relationship with two lovely children' one, the one living a dull life in leafy suburbia?
I listened today to my friend talking about her comfortable life, two children doing well, financially very secure, two holidays booked already for 2010, and thought, yes, maybe I am off their radar now? I thought about mounting bills and making ends meet. Perhaps it is them that are dipping off mine?