Almost daily diary!

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Who knows?

Is there anyone who knows, early in their lives, just how things are going to turn out? Is there anyone who knows what they want to be, where they will go, what they will become? I guess there are some? The Driven, those who force their way through life, or are so gifted that they hardly need to try at all. Yet is it still chance that they make it? Is not every twist and turn of our own lives, not to mention anyone elses whom we come across, a happy accident, a twist of fate, a cruel joke, a miracle? How do we know which way to turn, which path to choose when it really matters? We make choices, rash decisions, go with the flow...

When I was 13 I thought I would be famous! Who doesn't at 13? I thought that when I got to 40 my life would be over. Give me a pill, I thought, what could be worse than getting old, grey, loosing your looks, loosing your marbles? It never really occurred to me to have a plan, well, not for longer than the normal teenage attention span anyway.

So as I find myself at the age when my former self would have had me euthanaised, things are looking a little different. And yet I still make the same mistakes, and am still uncertain...




15 comments:

Chic Mama said...

Sorry you feel that way, look after yourself. x

The Dotterel said...

You know Sub, another way of looking at it is it's that very fact that makes life so interesting and exciting...

I'm not the man I thought I would be twenty, thirty years ago!

Probably a good thing.

nick said...

I didn't think that was sad, just a realisation of a new way of looking at things once you've reached a certain age. I understand you, I'm still drifting from one thing to another at the age of 63, still making silly mistakes, and I've never been able to hatch a Grand Plan. Even people who do have Grand Plans can find them scuppered by unexpected turns of event and they have to hatch Grand Plan Mark Two.

Maggie May said...

I'm sorry that you feel like this at the moment.
I think that life is full of ups & downs & rarely goes smoothly all the time.

Our family seems to have *repeated mistake syndrome.* Hope yours doesn't.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Steve said...

None of us ever really know how life is going to turn out and while there is one second remaining to us we still can never know. I actually think that's a good thing. Sometimes it pays not to know. But the bad times never lat forever and that is always a source of comfort.

Furtheron said...

Oh yes... I jumped out of bed at about 4 and half as a I started school and said...

"Mummy - I'm going to be a nightmare teenager pretty much realising too late I've screwed up my A-levels, I'm going to flunk out of one college course, try to get a job and get onto another... I'll then become a software engineer, a database administrator, project manager, protfolio manager, support director and then a service delivery manager. I'll get married in my early 20s to a girl I'll meet at school and we'll have a boy and girl. Oh yes I'll also be a raging alcoholic for 25 years of my life before just starting to turn it around before you die... oh yes and I'll always feel cheated that Dad died so young."

Maybe that isn't quiet how it went :-) What happend to the dreams of being a pilot, a guitarist, an MP (yes I know I was a twit then!), etc.

Regarding the driven, the successful... I've seen a few of them fall from grace and they seem to fall a long way with few people around to catch them at all. Also try having a conversation with many of them about value... value of relationships, people, family etc. some may have that but here's a true story....

Guy I worked with set up his own company and some other ventures, all over the place doing deals and this and that, FSTE 100 directorships beckoned etc. He split up from his wife, leaving 2 boys behind. I saw him and said "Really sorry about that." He said (and this truely is the quote) "Oh I'm feel much better now I've jestisoned those blockers"

Holly Shit - his own boys and a wife of many years... a blocker to his career and advancement... what a tosser! Sorry to swear on your blog but I've hardly spoken to him since

French Fancy said...

Whatever is going on right now that is making you feel nostalgic and looking at things in a retrospective way, just remember - everything changes. You will feel good some days and rubbish on others.

Sometimes when we get what we wish for we find out that it is not what we thought it was going to be.

Rose said...

Unless I missed something here, Suburbia, I didn't find this sad at all, but just a thoughtful look at life. I'm older than you, but I still make silly mistakes at time and I still don't know just what the future holds. At 13, I knew I wanted to be a teacher...but I also wanted to be famous:) I guess I can say half of my goals were achieved.

If we could look into the future, I'm sure we would make some different choices, but then life wouldn't be nearly as interesting.

Carol said...

No-one can totally predict 100% how their life is going to turn out!! Blimey, when I think back to my teenage years and what I considered to be important I'm horrified!!

Having too much of a plan doesn't allow us to take advantage of new opportunities...go with the flow that's what I say...Oh, and make decisions that feel right to you!! All you can do is do what you think is right for you at the time....

C x

Akelamalu said...

If one knew exactly how things would pan out there would be no sadness but then there'd be no excitement either would there?

Jennysmith said...

You've been through such a big change, Sub, you're bound to have doubts and question life.

Yes, I wanted to be famous when i was 13 too! Took piano lessons so i could play in a band! Gave up after grade 1. And planned to die when i was 30, 'cos that seemd so old!

xxxxx

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Beginnings are rocky... keep going.

You are just on your way to another bend in the road.

Wonderfully put... though... "..a happy accident, a twist of fate, a cruel joke, a miracle" I wonder the same thing. And we keep going.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

scargosun said...

Wow. I was just catching up. This post sounded a little blue. I am sending sunny vibes your way. :)

Fab, feisty and fifty... said...

uncertain for sure....losing my marbles, for sure.....famous? nah! do l have a plan? if l do l'll keep it to myself, self preservation....but yeah!!


can we do it....whatever IT is??? Yes WE CAN!!!

Suburbia said...

Thanks Firtheron, and the rest of you, you brighten my day and make me feel 'normal'!