Tuesday afternoon was spent walking with a friend and her son who is Small Sprogs best mate. For much of the way Tall Girl walked with us, i pod stuffed in her ears, but completely up to date with our conversation in every way! However, on the way home she broke into a trot to catch up with the boys, so my friend, Mother of Two Boys, and I could chat in a more unguarded fashion.
She expressed complete surprise at my current home situation, though she has been aware of it since January. We haven't spoken much about things before. "You were the perfect couple" she said a few times, trying to make sense of the situation.
It is a while since anyone has said this too me, and it always takes me a back. Were we? I guess at some point in time we must have been, but it still seems funny that people should have that opinion of our lives. What is the basis of their judgment? I want to ask, who is ever perfect?
When this happens I start to question myself. Was it really that good? Have I completely lost my senses? And as I dwell on the last 15 years of my life, it seems that I have grown up and changed more than I could ever have expected to, and yes, it may have looked that good from the outside, it may have even been that good from the inside, for a while. But now there is nothing left, no connectedness, and from where I am standing it is a very bleak landscape indeed. Goodness me, how things have changed, and how right I am to have made the decision to leave.
I can see her struggling with the idea. She has been married for just as long and it's never been an easy relationship. Perhaps my circumstance makes people uneasy about their own relationship. If ''The Perfect Couple'' can become disenchanted, then what's around the corner for anyone else?
But do you know what? There is no perfect. What they saw was not the reality, and for all the arguments and tough times that Mother of Two Boys has come through, their relationship is far more real than mine ever was, they connect, they touch and they still care about each other.
And as for what is around the corner, well, does any one of us ever know the answer to that one?
So now that you think you know all about me, you should know just one more thing. During the turmoil that has become my married life over the last few months, I have met someone else who has become very important. I just thought I should let you know.