Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


Quite a while ago I remember thinking that lots of people I knew were going through traumatic times. They were troubled by family problems, illness, death, financial worries and so on. I can remember, at the time, counting my blessings and thinking how lucky we were, yet knowing deep down, that a time would come when there would be troubling things in our lives. I always expected the problems to come from the older generation, illness and poor health of parents seem to get more common as ones children grow up and need less attention. I can remember thinking all this, a few years ago, never imagining that it would be me that initiated the 'Bad Thing'.

While thinking about this I also remembered, few summers ago, how Husband commented on a father holidaying with his two children.
"How sad" he said.
"What is?" I had replied
"He is on holiday with his children alone. He must be divorced"
I remember looking on and thinking that perhaps the mother was just working or doing other things and that the holiday was more of a happy event than Husband had assumed. I also remember thinking that Husband talked as though he was taking a glimpse of his future, before our future had become completely apparent to me. Perhaps he did realise how things were here, deep down, even before I voiced my opinions.

And now he has just come home from a brief spell away with our two children. A holiday taken with himself as sole carer. The children seem to have had a happy time, was he as sad as he thought he would be a few summers ago? I have no idea.


Maggie May said...

It is strange how these things unfold. Just as well we haven't any idea what is ahead of us or we might not be able to cope.
I am pleased you are coping Suburbia and also that *husband* seems to be,also. Glad the children are happy and accepting things.
They usually pull through, being resilient.

Have just got home from my short break and was amused the word verification is *sunapot*!
I need to get on the garden I think!

nick said...

He wouldn't be human not to feel sad, given that he assumed the relationship would continue and he must still be quite shocked at the way things have gone.

Steve said...

We cannot be responsible for the feelings of others - only our own as they are burden enough. He may have had a good time with the kids and come away thinking that life needn't be all bad. Let's hope so, eh?

Anonymous said...

Looking back, it's easy to see a glimpse of the future. How brave of you to live your truth.

Akelamalu said...

Maybe he didn't even think about it?

Elizabeth said...

A thoughtful and poigniant post.......
But so glad the children enjoyed the time with their father.

Jennysmith said...

Its hard to say, sweetie, all i can say is the divorced fathers i know who have days away with their children seem quite happy.

That was Just your Husband's perception of things at the time, not everyone elses'.

Take care sweetie xxxx

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Very poignant. Maybe he was sad, although sometimes the energy you get from children makes it hard to be so, and this will help you all through.

the eternal worrier said...

It’s so strange how we remember things said years ago or events that meant nothing at the time but now ring true. Life is weird. I wonder if he remembers saying that to you?

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

if only..we knew then....poignant and yes sad. But this is life and we do move on one or the other.

now dont get maudlin' babe!

presious said...

Thank you for visiting and commenting on my blog, Suburbia. Yes, I agree with. My moments aren't too severe. I've manage to get them under a little better control. It seemed I was going crazy at one point. Due to the economy, I have no medical coverage so I did some research on natural supplements. I found a few that seem to work quite well. I only take a few. I am not one who adds too much to my body.

Blogging helps more than I thought it would. I've only been blogging for a few months. My daughter suggested it to me. I really enjoy it. It seems very supportive.

Thank you again. Love your blog, especially the rainy day picture :).

presious said...

As for your husband and the kids, things can get much better. I have been since 1996 with four kids that were 7, 5, 3 and 5 months at the time. We are all doing great now.

It has taken time. THe first 5 years were painful. We still respected each other even through the process. It took him a while to trust me again as his friend. I knew him (still know him) so I handled him gently because of his pain. Took me for granted, did not realize it till it was all over....too late.

Kids are now 21, 19, 17 & 14. They now see what I saw. I have learned more about myself through them. I listen to them and I learn to improve myself as a mother, as a person.

Time will heal

Rose said...

We never know what the future might hold; often the things we worry about don't materialize, while other traumatic events seemingly pop up out of nowhere. The main thing is that the children were happy and are adjusting to a different situation. And how about you? I hope you had a good Easter weekend.

Brett said...

You write beautifully

Suburbia said...

Thank you Brett, so do you and I wish I had your tallent with a camera.

Hi Rose, thank you I did have a happy Easter break.

Welcome Presious, and thank you. Does being taken for granted come with being married do you think? It has made me rethink my relationship totally.

Hi Saz, not maudlin babe!

Hi Worrier, thanks for your perspective.

Hi Reasons, I hadn't thought of that.

Thanks Jen and Elizabeth :)

Hi, Akelamalu, I hope he didn't.

Thanks Hulla :)

Hi Steve, you are right, but I forget that I am only responsible for my own feelings, thanks.And yes, I hope he did.

Yes Nick, theres a lot of animosity there, but I guess I should expect that.

Hi Maggie, school hols are great aren't they?! Hope you had a good time :)

Anonymous said...

The important thing is that the children had a good time so don't beat yourself up.

Grown ups can cope.


Furtheron said...

Things to be grateful for today... I am married - still... which is a quite a miracle at times. And my kids still talk to me, more expletives than I'd like at times, sometimes necessarily slower than I'd like as they explain the complications in their lives but still they talk to me...

Kitty said...

I see fathers and children too - sometimes I wonder if they are having their 'contact' time, or perhaps they're just giving 'mum' an hour to herself? Appearances can be deceptive - even families which look happy, can be falling apart inside.


Dulwich Divorcee said...

It is very sad - but at the same time, the children probably get more of him now than before. That's certainly the case with my Mr X