Almost daily diary!

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

House or Home

The Estate Agent came round yesterday to value the house, a process necessary for the divorce proceedings. This is the second agent to come. Apparently prices are rising around here because of supply and demand. The agent I saw today usually has around 30 to 40 houses on his books, currently he has 12 and houses are selling quickly. Things may start to move faster than I have anticipated. Once on the market it may only take weeks to sell, I had assumed much longer. When things finally get moving, it will be quite a shock to the system.

However I still don't know if we have to sell the house yet, I still don't know if we, the children and I, will be 'allowed' to stay here or if we will have to sell the property for a settlement. The latter is more likely.

I don't really know what I want to happen, which is good really as I have no say in any of it. I have never been very fond of this house. It was never a place that I wanted to live, but at the time it was reasonable and big enough, so we bought it. However if my children and I can stay here it gives them a great stability when all else around them is changing. That is a good reason to stay. But for me, I would love a new start. Somewhere to call my own, though it would never be anywhere near as big or 'suburban', it seems a long time since anything has been my own. I want to make a happy home, though I can do that here too can't I? But this house will never feel like mine, it has never really felt like home.


nick said...

I guess you'd be better off moving to a new home which really feels like it belongs to you and the children. As you say, the present house will never feel like yours because there'll be the constant reminders of your husband living there. And if you never wanted to live there in the first place, that's another good reason for finding a new house you're more positive about.

Maggie May said...

If you can hang on you will get more for the house. Things will open up over the next year or two.
Many women are allowed to stay until the youngest is of age. However if you hate it then that is a different thing altogether.
Shame to uproot the children from school though.

Elizabeth said...

Maybe somewhere new and smaller and cosy would be good, but I quite understand your feelings for the children's sake.
Maybe it's better if fate hands you the cards.
Thinking of you .

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Whatever happens, you will make it work and you will make it wonderful. I can feel it in my waters ;-)

Steve said...

Seems to me that, given your ambivalence, you'd be as well to go with flow and take the path of least resistance... see what develops; keep all your options open.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Keep your chin up, lady.

Home is where you and the children are... wherever that may be, in a way.
I know it's quite different to live in a place that is truly yours, that is a sanctuary for your heart and soul as well as your body.

You will be there soon.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore

~JarieLyn~ said...

I think starting over also means moving out of your house. If you make it more like an adventure, the children will be just fine. Anyway, stability isn't about living in the same house, it's about being with each other and always knowing that the love is what creates stability. Emotional stability anyways. Sell the house and move into something that feels like YOUR space. Good luck. The children will feel the stability then.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

Hey Suburbia, my thoughts, as always, are with you.

A house, should not just be a house, it shoud be a home. You are so right.

You should have a new start.

I don't expect you to comment, life is too short, but just browse through my recent three posts about "The House On Hungry Hill" on my blog.

You need somewhere to call home and somewhere which feels like home. A real home. No matter how small, it must feel like home!

Letty x

the eternal worrier said...

That’s sad that you feel that way about your home. Do the children know yet? I’ve always thought of the flat that I rent as more of a hotel than a home so I sort of know where you’re coming from...maybe. x

Lakeland Jo said...

I hope it all works out for you and that you and your lovely kids get a happy and settled outcome

Ladybird World Mother said...

Haven't visited you for an age... trying to catch up on your life through old posts.
I hope that you can find a happy home wherever you end up... and if its the one you're in now, to make the changes to it that will make it yours. Sure you will! x

Suburbia said...

Thanks everyone.

Maggie, if we move, I will still keep my children at the same schools no matter what, I have promised them that :)

JarieLyn I hadn't thought of it like that, thank you for your kind words.

EW, I think you know it all too well because you're ahead of me! My children know that we are splitting up, but because it is all unfolding so slowly, I'm not sure they think that it is really going to happen. I think, maybe, that they think it will all just blow over.

Letty, I have read the first one already :)

lakeviewer said...

Oh my! You're are under so much stress; and so much change. Good luck to you and your children.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Surely YOU do have a say? NO!

Who then does? Who makes this decision. I thought, that the home of the children and mother, is maintained by the spouse and/or state to maintain the stability for the children. What do I know?

I just always think of the greater good, as I am a scaredy cat... I cheat, I think I havent your courage.

Suburbia said...

Saz, courage? Gosh I think I'm very selfish to put myself before my childrens happiness and stability. You are far more sensible.

Carol said...

I think a new start is exactly what you need!! You need a home, a safe's exciting moving to a new house and the kids will probably love choosing paint and stuff for their new rooms!!

Just been catching up on your blog...I do hope you bought all the jeans!!

C x

Furtheron said...

You may well be lucky - a friend of ours lost his Mum and Dad very close together earlier in the year, very sad.

He put their house on the market and nothing. He reduced the price when advised etc. but was simply expecting a long long wait. They suddenly last month a host of viewings and a quick sale which completes tomorrow - he was amazed. I've heard similar I think the market has turned for some reason - probably reports that prices are begining to rise so those that were waiting are getting in now before it does rise too far.

Up to you on the move on or stay put - who knows. I've seen some of this in my brother's situation and I don't know what is the right answer frankly.

Rose said...

Suburbia, I understand your reluctance to move and uproot the children. But a house and a home are not the same thing. If it makes more sense financially to move, I would do it. The new house would be a symbol of your new life and new beginnings. If the children are still in the same schools and still in proximity of their friends, they will be fine and will probably think it's fun to have a new house.

Good luck in your decision; I'm glad to see, though, that things are finally starting to move along.

Akelamalu said...

A new house and a new start may be just the thing the children need. Have you asked them? Anyway, I hope everything turns out good for you all. :)

dulwich divorcee said...

We moved house and country and the children bedded down and now love it here - I adore my new house and it's the first time I've ever been able to have the light fittings I want - lovely fake chandeliers, yum! Definitely some silver linings for us x