Almost daily diary!

Saturday, July 04, 2009

Weekend Blues

I feel a bit jittery today. It could be lack of sleep, but I think it's more a state of mind. This weekend is stretching far ahead of me and I can't get to grips with it! When I feel like this the only remedy is the company of friends, only that is like running away from myself. Today I am trying to be strong and not run away. Anyway, I have to be here for my lovely Small Sprog.

I have had a happy morning with my children and now Tall Girl has gone out to do more face painting at a church hall and Small Sprog has one of his best friends here to play. I feel quite alone.

Now, I like being alone when I am by myself in the house. Does that sound strange? What I mean is, when I am here by myself, I can choose to be here or go out, I feel free. I can do what I like and there are no demands. But Husband is home this weekend, out at the moment, I have no idea where and home at some point, I have no idea when. I have to be at home for Small Sprog and his friend, but really I want to be out. I don't feel in control, I am at the mercy of others! So can you see why I feel a little jittery?

It's at these times when I have to reign in the 'fight or flight' response in myself. I absolutely hate feeling constrained in any situation. Feeling jittery is a result of this I think. There are lots of chores I could be doing but, at the moment, I feel totally immobile. In a minute I am going to force myself to do some cleaning, that might make me feel better.........


23 comments:

Rose said...

Scrubbing and vacuuming sounds like the perfect cure for those jitters:)

MissKris said...

Hmmmm...I have no idea how old you are but could some of it be perimenopausal? I began having signs when I was in my mid-30s tho mine dragged on for YEARS and there was no end to it until my hysterectomy last year. But the jitters, interrupted sleep, NO sleep, irritability, high anxiety...all symptoms and none of them fun to deal with. Plus you've had a lot on your plate with your personal life as well as the upset with your Mum's health which, I'm happy to hear, seems to be stabilized at least at the moment. Dear Suburbia, hang in there, girl!

lakeviewer said...

Funny how husbands never get this way; they never feel trapped by their responsibilities.
Even if they felt this way, they would not admit it.

Suburbia said...

Misskris I remember feeling like this in my teens, it is part of my make up I think. Well I hope it is!!!!

the eternal worrier said...

Hey Sub... don’t do housework. Get a blanket and a good book and go and read in the local park (if you have one???!!) Little Sprog on the swings. Sorry I’m having an odd weekend too Lol. x

Carol said...

When I feel a bit like that I force myself to go and do something (even if I don't feel like it!!). I put on some 'happy' music and sing along whilst I'm doing the cleaning...that usually helps lift my spirits.

Keep your chin up...this situation won't last forever!!

C x

Maggie May said...

I understand COMPLETELY. You can feel really alone even in company...... if its the wrong company. And you can be at peace with yourself on your own unless isolation is forced on you. All to do with the circumstances & being able to choose what you want.
I like to be in control of things too.
I was feeling very down because of the mess of altering our kitchen (it would have to be seen to be believed) and my brother called unexpectedly. He was shocked to see the state of the house but we had a good laugh about all sorts of things and it did me the world of good.
Husband thought I'd taken leave of my senses!

nick said...

A few household chores often calm me down wonderfully. I find listening to music is good too. Won't it be great when you don't have to even think about husband's wherabouts?

Jennysmith said...

So glad it was good news, sweetie. You could be feeling the after effects of that hanging over you.

Or you could be so ready for a new start that your present situation is hard to cope with.

Here for you whatever xxxx

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

I call that my, ' I cannot settle to anything kinda day.' My term for that is 'FRAZZLED', cotton wool head and really jangling.

My Mum and her contempories used to quietly state about a female friend, ' It's her nerves you know.' I bet they do that about me...

Steve said...

It's a bit like a siege mentality I suppose - waiting for others to make their moves and their decisions. It would make me jittery too. Hope you managed to get some time to yourself in the end.

Lakeland Jo said...

nothing worse than feeling strung out like that. Good idea to keep busy. I find Kalms ( herbal) very good.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

My immobility was always a concern to me.... until I went to counselling.. and they pointed out that we have fight, flight or freeze mode.
Rabbit n a headlight.
If you can't fight, (he is too strong) and you can't run... (where, leave the kids???) there is a natural tendency to freeze.
It made me feel immeasurably better....I was normal.
It also gave me the strength to realise I was not going to remain frozen!
On the counsellors advice I told him in front of her that I no longer loved him, there was no future for us and we had to separate physically. He cried, but he left the house that week. He said later that he had needed to hear that as up until then he thought I would snap out of it, apologise and things would return to normal. Yes - it is what I had always done in the past to keep the peace - but I no longer cared to do it.
Your turn....

:)

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

ps
http://www.stuff.co.nz/life-style/2566295/How-fighting-damages-your-kids

Dori said...

Catching up a little here...
Great news on your mom! Though I remember when my mom had a biopsy done on a breast lump--and she didn't say a word about any of it until it came back benign. My sister and I both were so mad at her for holding back--we felt like we had been cheated out of the opportunity to provide our support and prayers. Now here I am not sharing my own current health issues simply because there's nothing anyone can do about it without knowing the pending results. And I understand why she did what she did.

I hate the feeling of being trapped--regardless of the situation. But, good lord...cleaning? That's a bit drastic, don't you think?!

Anonymous said...

I really wish that I did'nt understand this but i do.
take care.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

I am so sorry - I have been a long time away from blogging and your blog too.

No wonder you feel jittery, you don't feel secure.

When I don't feel secure, I am jittery too.

Feeling out of control is a terrible feeling.

My thoughts are with you Suburbia, I have no wise words, other than hang on in there.

It cannot possibly stay like this forever.

Although probably it feels like it at the moment.

And yes, children grow up, find their own friends etc and their own interests, but you have brought them up well, and like me, and mine, they will come back to you.

I promise.

I have been there, and it is true.

your friend, Letty xxxxx

Anonymous said...

och, don't listen to the menopause stuff, I sailed through mine, not one symptom. And I have suffered depression (mostly post natal), and always thought I would "suffer" .........but not a hot flush, not a bad mood............a perfect time.

So don't get side tracked by people telling you it is pre menopausal.

It is just life, it deals good, it deals bad, but just ride on through it.

The sun will shine for you soon!

your friend, Letty xxxx

Liz said...

I do hope you didn't resort to cleaning! A good book with chocolate is always a better idea.

The Dotterel said...

Or how about cleaning a good book with some chocolate? ... only trying to help!

Furtheron said...

I wish I could have found the words you have... jittery, hemmed in etc. then immobile because of it...

Describes how I feel a lot of the time at work at the moment. Luckily for me it is just that work - I'm very fortunate that my home situation is not a problem

Suburbia said...

Sorry you feel like that , Furtheron, it's not a nice way to be :(

Akelamalu said...

I know that feeling. I usually clear out cupboards and drawer when I feel like that, it seems to cure it.

Hope you're feeling better today?