Almost daily diary!

Friday, July 24, 2009

Moving on

At 10.20pm on Tuesday night I realised it was dark. I realised that those wonderful long summer evenings, that I spend all winter looking forward to, are on the wain. Where did they go? Have I wasted them? (There are a few that I know I have not.)

I had felt a bit chilly all day, despite spending much of it in the kitchen cooking and cold in bed later. On Wednesday I searched out my slippers and put an extra cover on the end of the bed. What happened to the promise of a lovely summer? I am still waiting. I don't want summer to end before it's really begun, I don't want the seasons to move forwards, I don't like the dark.

Husband has been away all week and isn't due home until Sunday night, I am off on holiday with my children on Monday, so the timing is impeccable, well almost, wish I was going on Sunday night! The benefits of him being away are many; I have, at last, felt comfortable, relaxed and free in my own home, we can eat at any time, I have entertained friends in the evening, I can go for a wee in the night without 'covering up', I don't need to hide my mail, and so much more! The children don't seem to have missed him.

While I was ironing today, listening to some tunes that brought back memories, I wondered when exactly I stopped looking forward to Husband coming through the door at the end of the working day? When did he stop noticing me? When did I stop smiling at him in the morning?When did he start dismissing my opinions? When did we stop enjoying each other?

Is it inevitable in a relationship where you devote most of your time to bringing up your children? Was it inevitable anyway? Should I have worked harder?

No regrets, just unanswered questions.

20 comments:

Maggie May said...

That seems a very positive post, Suburbia.
Pleased that you seem to have accepted the situation (as the children undoubtably have) and that you are moving forward.
Have a wonderful holiday.

Studentmum said...

"When did we stop enjoying each other?Is it inevitable in a relationship where you devote most of your time to bringing up your children? Was it inevitable anyway? Should I have worked harder?"


I have come to believe it's inevitable.

mumplustwo said...

Hello Suburbia! I have been reading & reading & READING your lovely blog (non-stop for the last several hours, since dropping my two gorgeous girls off at Ex-Husband & Much Younger Fiancee's great big house near the river) and OH! ... there is just so much to say. I absolutely & completely understand where you are at, having been there and done it all myself (several years ago) and I want you to know: you are going to be FINE. It's terribly scary, that feeling of not being in control, not knowing what the future holds, not knowing where you and your darlings will be this time next year... but you are clearly a Strong Woman and whatever life throws at you, you will cope.

Take it one day at a time and trust your instincts. If you are happy, Small Sprog and Tall Girl will be happy, too. If you have to move (I did, also having lived in a house that I felt no affinity to) it won't be the end of the world. There's a lot to be said for making a fresh start. So what if it's smaller?... if it's all YOURS and if it's filled with love and laughter(which it surely will be) you and Small Sprog & Tall Girl will be just fine. All strength to you. x

the eternal worrier said...

I don’t think it’s inevitable... it just happens to some of us sometimes. LW lives with me but spends huge amounts of time each day with her son at her Dads. She owns half the house but to stop the upheaval of moving her son she goes there each morning for when he gets up and each evening to make his tea and at the weekends. She hates it when his Dad comes back and usually leaves to come back here as soon as he’s home, so although I’m a man I sort of know what you’re talking about. Have a lovely holiday with the kids and enjoy. x

Steve said...

It's a cliche but unanswered questions are fine - being brave enough just to ask the questions in the first place is the most important thing.

Chic Mama said...

Wow, I really feel for you having to share the house still with your husband....made me feel quite sad. I can't imagine how you are doing that, i get worked up enough just with my husband coming to the front door.
I know exactly how you feel too...I used to get excited when H was due home from work. What went wrong?

Enjoy your holiday.

nick said...

It's good that you're feeling so comfortable and relaxed while husband is away. I hope that will soon be a permanent feeling and not one limited by his coming and going. I don't think working harder would have made any difference. If a relationship goes sour it's usually because of a deep-rooted disharmony that's not going to change.

Carol said...

People change as they grow older...if your lucky then you will change together and if your not then the changes will cause you to drift apart!! You have not done anything wrong...working harder would probably not have made any difference. Hold onto the happiness you have when he's not around and focus on the fact that, at some point, you will feel like that every day!!

Have a wonderful holiday

C x

Elizabeth said...

Hope you have a perfectly wonderful holiday with the children.
Hugs.

lakeviewer said...

People need different things from each other as they grow older.
There will be a time when you will accept this without guilt or regret.

There is no magic formula; some relationships just don't work.

Dori said...

For myself I have to believe that it is not inevitable...but I believe for some it is.

Have a most wonderful holiday!!

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

I hope it isn't inevitable. It would be a shame to enter another relationship thinking that, and I'm sure you will meet someone oneday. As for not working hard enough, it doesn't sound that way at all. It can be good for you, let your heart be light!

mrsnesbitt said...

Positive and peaceful! xxx

Rose said...

Life is full of unanswered questions, but the brave ones, like you, move on in spite of them. Glad you had such a good week and enjoy your holiday with TG and SS!

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

oh just wishing you a wonderful and relaxing holiday with your children Suburbia.

I have no answers to your very searching questions on this post.

To be honest, one day you will, or may have already, found love, real love, you won't perhaps need to ask these questions.

As always my good thoughts are with you, I have been a bad blogger just lately, family stuff has kept me occupied, but my thoughts are with you.

And my good wishes for your future.

Your friend,

Letty ;0D Little Girl With a Curl.
oh god signed in as the dog again, well my thoughts are still with you!

MissKris said...

I appreciated your comments on my Obsolete Marriage entry very much. As I told another reader who emailed me privately, there are many legitimate reasons to end marriages...in her case, abuse. I agree with that 100%. What I was generally referring to was the easy-way-out couples...that bothers me. I must say, 35 years down the line, I still look forward to Dear Hubby's truck pulling up at the end of the day. I have the coffee on and waiting for him. I know I'm one of the very lucky ones, and I'm very thankful.

Jennysmith said...

don't start blaming yourself, Sub. You didn't do anything wrong.

I always notice that August gets wintery. Its wierd. But not July. But you're right - nights are drawing in.

Where are you going on holiday?

xxx

Working Mum said...

I hope it's not inevitable.

Just been catching up with your last few posts. Looks like it could be time for a new start, even for the children. Perhaps a new home will be good for all of you.

Enjoy your holiday.

Furtheron said...

"When did we stop enjoying each other?Is it inevitable in a relationship where you devote most of your time to bringing up your children? Was it inevitable anyway? Should I have worked harder?"
I have to believe it isn't inevitable since I'm still with Mrs F 24 years on, and yes it isn't like it was but we're still great friends and that is probably the main thing.

Also I see others who have been married a long time and see that they are fine so... for me I don't think it is inevitable or maybe just some of us are lucky.

dulwich divorcee said...

MMm, I remember asking myself all those questions, Suburbia ...sometimes it's very nice knowing you're not going to hear that key in the door and feel that dread ...difficult times but sounds like you are definitely doing all the right things x