I'm trying not to blog today! You can see that my will power has won out against all odds can't you? I am trying not to blog because I feel miserable! Feeling miserable is not good. I woke up this morning feeling that everything ahead is insurmountable, there is so much to get on with, but all of it is out of my reach and seemingly out of my power.......
Last night I was feeding Small Sprog some supper. "Would you like some Malt Loaf?" I asked him. "BUTTER-ON-IT" the whole family shouted!
This has become a family phrase, brought about by something on a home video. A video of Tall Girl when she was about a year old, or perhaps 18 months and not so tall. She had a passion for Malt Loaf. Husband was filming her, one tea time, when I passed her a slice of Malt Loaf. She was sitting in her high chair, and I, trying to juggle the usual tea time stuff, forgot to butter it. "BUTTER-ON-IT!" She screamed at the top of her voice, all caught on camera for posterity. She was so little, but so cross that I had had the audacity to pass it to her unbuttered, that the whole phrase, said so indignantly, made us all explode with laughter.
We probably would never have remembered that moment in time unless we had 'caught' it on film. It is only the re watching of it, over the years that followed, that has made it 'stick' in our heads and made it a family saying.
The video camera didn't last long. There is not much film of Small Sprog past the age of about 3. I wonder what gems he came up with over the years that we have missed or forgotten? Although in the last year, having written this diary, there are lots of things I have recorded of his, that I would not remember now, if I had not written them down.
............As I was duly buttering his fourth slice, at supper time last night, I thought about the baby videos. Precious memories, along with photographs of happy times and captured milestones. They will all have to be split up, those happy memories on film and paper, split up, divided between us, cleaved apart, broken. Perhaps it is not the material that is bothering me today, but the significance of it, I am sad.