Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Malt Loaf

I'm trying not to blog today! You can see that my will power has won out against all odds can't you? I am trying not to blog because I feel miserable! Feeling miserable is not good. I woke up this morning feeling that everything ahead is insurmountable, there is so much to get on with, but all of it is out of my reach and seemingly out of my power.......

Last night I was feeding Small Sprog some supper. "Would you like some Malt Loaf?" I asked him. "BUTTER-ON-IT" the whole family shouted!

This has become a family phrase, brought about by something on a home video. A video of Tall Girl when she was about a year old, or perhaps 18 months and not so tall. She had a passion for Malt Loaf. Husband was filming her, one tea time, when I passed her a slice of Malt Loaf. She was sitting in her high chair, and I, trying to juggle the usual tea time stuff, forgot to butter it. "BUTTER-ON-IT!" She screamed at the top of her voice, all caught on camera for posterity. She was so little, but so cross that I had had the audacity to pass it to her unbuttered, that the whole phrase, said so indignantly, made us all explode with laughter.

We probably would never have remembered that moment in time unless we had 'caught' it on film. It is only the re watching of it, over the years that followed, that has made it 'stick' in our heads and made it a family saying. 

The video camera didn't last long. There is not much film of Small Sprog past the age of about 3. I wonder what gems he came up with over the years that we have missed or forgotten? Although in the last year, having written this diary, there are lots of things I have recorded of his, that I would not remember now, if I had not written them down.

............As I was duly buttering his fourth slice, at supper time last night, I thought about the baby videos. Precious memories, along with photographs of happy times and captured milestones. They will all have to be split up, those happy memories on film and paper, split up, divided between us, cleaved apart, broken. Perhaps it is not the material that is bothering me today, but the significance of it, I am sad.


Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Breathe my love breathe!

They will not have you be split do not fret.

There is a magic lead, which you can use from your video recoder, playing the your pc or laptop and you can burn them onto dvd's...

I'm about to do this in a week or two; having moved I came across a shit load of old small tapes...

fretnot sub!

Maggie May said...

Aw....... now I'm a bit sad too!
I guess we all have to try & live day by day, cos we would'nt be able to cope, any of us, if we knew what was in store.
Anyway, maybe that IS the time to blog when you are sad, cos we are all here to cheer you up.
((hugs)) X

Anonymous said...

I hopped here from Liz's blog... not much help but I am sad too today... sending hugs and virtual chocolate.

i will add that I have friends who have been where you are now and it does get bettter and you be feel happy again.

Reasons to be Cheerful 1,2,3 said...

Now if I lived next door I'd be over like a shot with good waggy finger advice, hugs, tea and sympathy. But I am not, so I send you my heartfelt wishes across cyperspace and will keep the fingers crossed that this feeling soon passes. Take care x

Elizabeth said...

Tall girl is wise.
Malt Loaf is very good with butter on.
Sending virtual hugs over to you through cyber space.
Yes, get the home movies put on DVD NOW!

Jennysmith said...

My poor Suburbia, i suppose its useless saying face it then when it comes to it.

Yes, i often quote things the children used to say as toddlers ie 'Aitrose instead of Waitrose - well, you get the picture - and i get a feeling in the pit of my stomach of how much time has gone by - sob!

Please don't worry sweetie. And your poor foot - yes, we should match them up and take turns. xxxx

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

Hi Suburbia, long time no read of your blog, for Aussie Reasons.

I am sorry you are feeling sad today, it is inevitable I guess, given the situation you are in. However, my advice, for what it is worth, is not to look at the whole picture. Just take Baby Steps towards the future. One step at a time.

Easy for me to say I know, but sometimes "the whole picture" does seem pretty insurmountable.

I am only just catching up, jet lag has laid me low I am afraid, but after walking the dog, I will have another read of your blog with a cup of coffee on return. I wish I had videos of my three when they were young, no videos back then, or if there were, the cameras were far too expensive, unlike nowadays.

God, I feel like the Ancient One writing like this, I am only talking about the past 20 or so years......

Funny how children's sayings become part of the tapestry of family life isn't it?

Letty ;0)

Rose said...

Suburbia, I wish I could give you a big hug right now! I would be feeling much the same way as you right now, but there are bound to be the bad days--you just have to look ahead to a better future.

Dividing up the furniture is one thing, but dividing up meaningful, scentimental possessions is something else altogether. Your commenters have great suggestions that I hadn't even thought of--of course, you can copy the videos, the same with photos. And you don't have to divide up memories!

nick said...

Even if you can clone the memories, it's still sad. But moving forward always leaves a tinge of sadness behind it, I guess.

I was totally addicted to malt loaf at one time, couldn't get enough of it. With plenty of butter, natch.

Liz said...

It's true, that bit about video cameras. We started to video everything the children did - but then forgot about it. You're right that blogging will be a wonderful record.

Chocolate. Or malt loaf. Thickly buttered. That's what you need. And a big cuddle from (someone).

It will be okay.

And now you've reminded me that we have a malt loaf (called that in the recipe although it doesn't contain malt) in the freezer. And I just bought some butter. Mmm, think it's time for a defrost so we can have some with BUTTER-ON-IT!

Furtheron said...

I can't emphatise from a position of any knowledge since luckily to date I've not had to go through what you are facing.

However one thing, I do regret is that we missed a lot of memories being etched like this as we didn't take as many photos etc. to what we should have... esp of my daughter - she always moans there are loads of baby photos of my son who is 5 years older than her but relatively few of her.

We have got a video of his first birthday / Christmas though which was excellent embarrasment material at his 18th birthday party last year... :-)

Kitty said...

Your computer is your friend, and will rescue you! You take copies! You scan pictures in, you transfer videos to DVDs, it is all done and will be tidy and ok. You know how I know.

I know it's hard to hear, but it's 'appropriate' that you feel the things you're feeling. It means you're 'dealing with it'; which also means it can't come and bite you on the bum at a later date.

Take care. x

Suburbia said...

Kitty, thank you, you make me feel 'normal'! And I am hoping not to be 'bitten on the bum' at a later date, I truly am.

A special bloggy friend e mailed me today, this is one thing she wrote: 'You have such great blogging friends! When they say to take one day at a time, it may sound trite, but it's so true. Better days are ahead, if not tomorrow, then the next day.'
She is right, I have made some great friends. I have been here all day today, on and off, and every time I 'check in' there is another supportive comment to read. Thank you all so much. I am feeling much better this evening :)

Akelamalu said...

We have some Cine8 film of the boys when they were little that MWM keeps promising to put on DVD (he has the equipment bought specially for this very purpose). Photo/film memories of your children when they're young are so precious aren't they?

Steve said...

Memories are never split up or divided in the way that we fear - rather they've shared and duplicated and possessed wholly by everyone involved. They can never be taken away and the current situation in no way detracts or lessens the worth of your happy times in the past... hopefully happy times in the future will enable you to embrace your memories of the past once again without any sense of regret.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

hope you are feeling better Suburbia!

been thinking of you since I last commented.

Letty ;0)

this is my patch said...

Your post has got me thinking about memories from the past. This 'ill bring a smile to your face! As kids we called battenburg cake 'rattentrot' and sythentic cream 'sympathetic cream'. You don't always need memories down on record, a lot sticks in the mind by itself, never to be forgotten! x

Elise said...


You know you're only splitting the material things don't you? The memories are all yours and you can cherish and keep them forever.

It's hard not to be sad, but I do hope you'll cheer up soon xx

Brett said...

Being off work and not able to do my normal stuff i've being ploughing through old boxes of photos too, great fun but a little sad at times

Dori said...

There's a lot going on, isn't there, in that head of yours? I'm so sorry you have all of this to muck through--but you will.

Just curious, why do all of the photographs and like need to be split? Make copies of the videos, digital photos...each can have your own. Just a thought. Though I'm sure there items that simply can't be copied.