Today I am aching for my children, though they are still here with me, tucked up in their snugly beds. I can feel my heart strings starting to tighten, because the day after tomorrow they are off on a camping trip, with their dad, for the weekend.
He has taken them away a lot recently and I have felt ok about it, but this time seems so much worse. I guess I'm feeling this way because it is the first camping trip of the year, they have not been camping without me yet, and I want to be with them. I want to be with them to make sure they are warm at night, to make sure they are not frightened of the dark, and to make sure they are safe when playing wild and free. I know he can do this, I am just finding it hard to relinquish my responsibility.
Small Sprog wants me to go too. He doesn't understand, and I have realised that I do need to explain things to him more. It is finding the right moment that is tricky. Tall Girl asked if she could do some cooking with me this weekend. She had forgotten that she would be away. I would have liked to have cooked with her.
I have come to realise that there is only ever enough time in the world when I'm alone, and then I don't need it.
Update: Thank you for all your comments. By a twist of fate, I have the whole day to spend on the sofa today with Small Sprog! He has been sick a few times, so can't go to school and is still feeling washed out. I hate it when he is ill, but I can't help thinking how nice it is to have time to snuggle on the sofa with him today with nothing else to do!
Hopefully he will be well enough to camp later this weekend, he does enjoy the freedom of it. And I will enjoy my weekend doing other things, it's just the letting go that's hard.