Almost daily diary!

Friday, April 09, 2010

In the park

It is late. Small Sprog has been chastised for whinging on about opening the present he knows is waiting for him at home. He has spent the whole day at his grannys whinging about going home to open it. Even when we sit in the park; in the beautiful warm sunshine, which has been much too long coming this spring, and eat his favourite ice lolly, he is whinging.

"Remember the words of the song" I say to him "About living for today because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow?" We have had this talk before, I want them to learn what it has taken me so long to realise. Living for the moment, enjoying each minute. Although, now I come to think of it, I have not been that good at it over this last week myself. He nods soberly and licks his multicoloured lolly.

As I am saying the words I realise myself how precious that moment is. Both my children with me happily eating ice cream, Mum at my side doing the same. A sunny day, no work, no school, health and happiness. I look at Mum. She has slowed recently, she does too much some days, it takes it out of her, and she worries for me too, I know that doesn't help. She is a precious constant in my life, though we grumble about each other on occasions. One day we will not be us 4, but I can't say that to Small Sprog now as he jolts me out of my melancholy with "Can we go home now!"

Sleepily, in the back of the car, Small Sprog mutters one more thing about his waiting gift before we arrive home. "Do you know what my best present would be?"
"No" I reply, equally weary.
"A happy family"
"Mummy and Daddy together you mean?"
"Yes" says Small Sprog

He will never get that present now. Hoping is a very sad thing on occasions.

14 comments:

Steve said...

Wishing for happy times together is natural. But realizing that people can be happier apart is a big developmental step for anyone. I'm sure he will make it in his own time.

BS5 Blogger said...

Thinking of you....

Furtheron said...

Ouch!

Hopefully he will quickly adapt and accept what is the new reality of his world.

Time takes time as they say

Fab, feisty and fifty... said...

a soislogist recently told me, eveyr child no matter what age 4 or 40 always wishes for this..take heart its natural and not aimed at you nor judgemental...just a hope from the shild within us all...

l too wat a perfect ending but it aint gonna happen...



saz x

Kitty said...

Hope and disappointment are two sides of the same coin - if you dare to have one, you're always going to meet the other at some point or another.

Of course Small Sprog would like a 'happy family' again ... but as you know, it wasn't happy. He just hasn't worked that bit out yet. He'll get there.

x

French Fancy said...

Oh how you must have crumbled inside when he said this. And it does show that whatever disharmony there was between you and the husband, the children (well SS obviously, I don't know about TG) did not pick up on it too much.

scargosun said...

I love that he can tell you that without worrying that he is saying the wrong thing. I still wish for the same at 37 since my Dad passed. It doesn't go away but it gets easier to bear. :) Keep your hope. No hope is worse.

Akelamalu said...

Everything is so simple in a child's mind. If only it were that simple. x

Maggie May said...

I'm a great believer in living for the present.

Nuts in May

nick said...

Perhaps he thinks that if he keeps on wanting it to happen, it will happen. And he thinks all you have to do is kiss and make up. How hard it is for kids to understand. But as others have said, he will work it all out in his own good time.

Rose said...

I think we all long for that perfect, ideal world, and we often romanticize the past, forgetting the bad parts. Small Sprog's reaction is only normal; don't take it to heart. Just enjoy those precious moments with them.

Carol said...

It will take time but one day he will realise that he has a happy family...one in which his Mum and Dad live seperately!!

My Mum and Dad split when I was 12 and I went through a stage of wanting them back together till I realised that they were both happier apart...

It will happen!!

*hugs*

C x

Liz said...

That must have wrung your heart. But I'm so glad that you're finding happiness in the now.

this is my patch said...

Oh, poor Small Sprog. I hope the other present helped substitute in some way. x