Almost daily diary!

Friday, November 28, 2008


Sometimes things mull over in your mind for a while, or for ages. You look at them from lots of different angles and feel as if there is lots of time to make a decision, or you put off making the decision. Sometimes you need to talk about the whole idea but it's hard to choose anyone to tell. Tell someone too close and you end up involving them, someone too far away and you risk the decision being once removed.

I met a friend for lunch today. She is not a very close friend, but we always get on well. She is a very independent woman. I hadn't planned to share my thoughts with her at all, but all of a sudden I heard myself voicing thoughts that have been with me for most of this year, on and off. It was funny to say the words, it made it more real, more scary. She didn't seem surprised and, like a good friend, she gave no leading advice, but I was glad to have said it. It may be a long time before I say it again or act on it. I may never act.

So what did I say?

"I don't think that I shall stay married forever"

It seems inconsequential now that I've written it down.


Molly said...

But saying it out loud probably removes some of the enormity of just thinking it to yourself. Funny, way before you got to the punch line, I knew what it was going to be....BTW, I did your meme [questions] a while back. I love friends that I can trust with what's on my mind....

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

oh, this is quite traumatic.

Not sure what to say.

I don't know your situation, but if you are happy - I hope you do stay married forever.

I know exactly what you mean about speaking and telling someone who is not a close friend, things about yourself.

Talking is always good, and sometimes we need a bit of "space" between 'friends' to be able to be more honest about our lives and relationships.

It helps to talk. I have been there.

I think you are very brave to have even voiced this sentence.

Going to bed now with very deep thoughts...........

Take care, life is a labyrinth, with no directions.

I am not sure whether to write "I hope you never act on it" or "I hope you do"

Life will pan out, and you will find your answer. I hope it is the right one.

Letty. ;0) One bit of advice, don't think too deeply, life is too short, live for today, yesterday has gone, and tomorrow has not happened.

Take your joy in today. For this is all we have.


"He who binds to himself a joy. Does the wing├Ęd life destroy;. But he who kisses the joy as it flies. Lives in eternity's sunrise"

A quote from William Blake, and one of my favourites.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

and it is not inconsequential.

Suburbia said...

Letty , it is the 'life's too short' thought that will force me to act one day. Thank you for your thoughtful comment, I appreciate it very much.

Maggie May said...

Not sure how to respond to this.
I think we all feel like that sometimes......
Sleep on it.

Sometimes it is better to talk to someone that you're not too close to. Probably better to talk than to bottle things up. That's why blogging is good for you.

the mother of this lot said...

I'm possibly not the best one to advise here.....I'll just sneak out and come back when things are back to food shopping and bladders....

jenny smith said...

Who knows what will happen in the future, suburbia, you could be prophetic, you could not. but don't feel bad about saying it.


scargosun said...

I don't think deep thougts are ever inconsequential. Voicing them can make them seem more real or less scary. I guess you have to figure out which one this one was.

Kitty said...

IU remember the day I made a similar statement.

For what it's worth, once I'd said it once, it wasn't so difficult to say it again. And again. And again.

You are an aware and brave woman.

Take care of yourself. x

Rose said...

Suburbia, I had a suspicion before I even got to the very end. It does help to have a good friend to talk to, though, doesn't it? And someone not too close sometimes is good for such important feelings. Sometimes just voicing these thoughts aloud helps us to take action or decide not to. I've been there, too; I just decided the "other grass" wasn't any greener.

Hadriana's Treasures said...

I think if you are talking about may mean something. I was with someone for a marriage length of time (10 years - we were not married plus there were no children) but it wasn't until I talked about my feelings to a good friend...that....

It took me a year (and more to untangle things).

Whatever you decide I wish you well. I'm sure, whichever way, you'll make the right decision. Hx

Working mum said...

I wondered if you meant remain married out of choice or not? There are many different reasons to worry about that one: death, unfaithfulness, unhappiness.

The first two are out of our control, but the third .......

Try very hard to find a way to be married and happy. I can't begin to tell you that problems children have at school when parents split - makes me determined to never give up on marriage.

Hugs, WM x

Ladybird World Mother said...

Oh, suburbia. Sit tight. Talk. Think. Count your blessings.
Marriage is damned hard. Bit like a garden, it needs a load of work and only looks nice once in a while...
And thats a good one.
but its a damned good place to grow children.
Loads of love. By the way, you are one of the brave ones.

nick said...

I think sometimes a feeling keeps simmering until it gets so important you just have to blurt it out to the first person who comes along. And if it's something important, you'll keep on chewing at it until sooner or later a clear decision will emerge.

Elizabeth said...

This is a not inconsquential at all.
Something chills me a little about it.
Don't know what to say but keeping you in my thoughts.
Being married is horribly hard.............
Staying married is harder.
Don't know your actual situation........
Hug the kids a lot.

cheshire wife said...

I am not sure what to suggest. There are so many things that come into the equation but I think that you have to do what is best for those concerned.

Akelamalu said...

I truly hope that doesn't mean you are unhappy in your marriage? I couldn't think of anything worse :(

cheshire wife said...

I left a comment earlier which strangely isn't here. Never mind I probably forgot to press the publish button!

I remember now that I came to the conclusion that I was not going to get married, then I met my husband. So I would not read too much into your thoughts.

BS5 Blogger said...

Thoughtfully thinking of you...

Be peaceful with you thoughts.

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

If you are thinking about this, then there are reasons behind it. Only you know what is not working in your relationship that these thoughts are surfacing. It took me many years of being aware of the issue before I could act on it. The fall out on the family was very hard for some time, years, afterwards. However, I do nto regret giving the relationship time, or the final decision to end it.
Perhaps in hindsight, the comment my ex husband made might be of interest. He apologised for the way he had treated me. He said if he had known it was going to cost him his family, he would have tried to be different. Perhaps if I had made him more aware of how I felt, we could have tried counselling before the point of no return.

The death of a relationship is not anger, it is indifference. If you care at all about your husband, make the effort to stand up now and ask for change.

Thoughts are with you.

Suburbia said...

Nick thank you, I think you are right and I appreciate you comment.

Working Mum, I am here, still, and probably for a long time yet to come, because of my lovely children.

Thanks to all of you for commenting :)

quiltmom said...

Moment in Suburbia,
All of us have doubts and challenges that we face when we live with other people- and when we don't live with others too.
All relationships have ebbs and flows - the trick is not to let the other person drift too far from you. Being your own person is important and so is being one of the two people really in the relationship.

Voicing our fears and ideas aloud sometimes makes one stop and think about where those thoughts are coming from; and what things that one may be needing that is not feeling quite right now..
In time I am sure that you will find your way through it - whatever way that is suppose to be that will make you and your loved ones in sync.. or that is best for everyone concerned.


the eternal worrier said...

Sounds like a ‘Did I think that in my head, or did I say it out load,’ moment.

Strawberry Jam Anne said...

I felt a chill when I finally read what it was you had said - didn't see it coming. I do hope you aren't unhappy and were just vocalising some thoughts that come to mind from time to time and that so many of us have I believe. You obviously needed to say it aloud and hope that it helped you.

Take care.

A x

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

It must be weighing in the back of your mind for you to say it to her, since she is not really of any consequence to you.

If it IS in the back of your mind this way, then it will happen, eventually.

Prepare now.

I wonder... what do you want, that you do not have now? Why do you want to change it?
I know this change. Sometimes it is absolutely the best thing you could ever do for yourself.

Do what is right for you, and for the kids. But remember, the kids will be gone not too long from now, and you will still be where you are, if you do not change it.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore