Almost daily diary!

Friday, April 30, 2010

Playing the game...

We went to mediation this week. I have been dreading it, the final one and so much at stake. This was our last chance to agree on a settlement without going to court. We reached an impasse. Husband says he might as well go to court and I think he would rather pay the solicitors than me. He is insisting he can't afford to buy me out, he is still offering me less than half. That offer was on the table well over six months ago, nothing has changed. I don't know what to do

There is a chance he is bluffing. I need to wait, play the game...

Yet I had hoped that today would be the end of it. That today I could walk away and know where I was financially, plan my future, our future and finally, finally, be divorced. Because not until after the finances are settled, can I get that little bit of paper that says I'm free. It wasn't until I realised today that we are still so far from that moment, that I really realised how important it is for me to have that closure.

He will always be in my life, because we have two lovely children and we need to be civil and see each other for their sakes, but to be free and independent, even though I will be totally broke, that is something I really want badly. If we go to court it could be another year coming. Can I really let that happen?


12 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Oh what a **** he is! I would fight it out, but that's just me. You must do what's best for you and the children, but whatever happens I just hope he gets his just desserts. x

nick said...

It'll obviously cost a lot more to go to court. I've no relevant experience at all, but maybe your solicitor could write to him pointing out the advantages of settling through mediation and the disadvantages of taking the court route?

Maggie May said...

Oh dear, this does seem to go on & on.
Isn't there a law that everything has to be divided?
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Kitty said...

As you know, I dreaded Court. It was the thing I most wanted to avoid. The stress was awful, I cannot lie, but I'm so glad we did it. There is a sense of finality in a Judge being the one to say 'right ... this is what's happening ...' and telling you both.

Like I said, I was dreading Court, but I was the one who came out of there with my head held high. It will be the same for you.

xx

scargosun said...

I am so sorry that it did not go well. I hope that you are able to move past this bump so that you can feel your freedom. :)

Steve said...

Tempting as it is to accept a quick resolution I think you'd be wise to gird your loins for the long haul. Don't settle for less unless you really have to otherwise the regret and chagrin will all be hanging over you long after the emotional intensity of the current situation have died away. If it's going to be done do it properly and go for the most advantage that you can. For the sake of your future as much as your kids'.

Furtheron said...

Not good...

the eternal worrier is: said...

I feel for you. I went for divorce for the same reason as you... it properly sets out an end.

Rose said...

So sorry this is dragging on and on for you, Suburbia. If Husband thought about it rationally, he'd realize he's going to spend a lot more on solicitors than coming to an equal settlement with you. But don't give in! You deserve your fair share.

Carol said...

I have to say that I agree with Steve!! If he can't afford to buy you out then he should sell the house and split the proceeds with you!

I know you want it to be over but don't be tempted to accept something less than you should...my Mum did and she still regrets it!

The most important thing is that you have your own space, your kids round you and you don't have to face him everyday! Hold on to the positive and ride it out.

*hugs*

C x

Working Mum said...

I agree with Kitty and Steve. You will regret it if you give in and a judge will decide what is right and your husband will have to stick to it. Wishing you the strength to cope with this ordeal; I'm sure it will be worth it for you and your children in the long run. WM x

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Suburbia,

It will come and it will go, and while you are waiting it will seem like forever because you want it so much; but it will be done so fast, and then someday soon it will all me a distant memory that almost never crosses your mind.

~HUGE HUGS~
XOXO

Scarlett & Viaggiatore