Almost daily diary!

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Fathers Day

About 4 days ago I bought 2 cards for 2 fathers both, in some way or another, belonging to me (fathers not cards!).

Every year I scan the offerings in the shops; "Best Dad in the world", "You're a Star", "Do you remember when I was young?", all totally inappropriate to send to either of them, I end up buying two blank cards, one funny (for step father), one with cats on (for natural father, who has passed on his cat loving genes to me) Blank cards, in the end, were the only option, with Happy Fathers Day, scrawled in my own large handwritten letters. My natural father left when I was eight years old, it was almost 30 years before we saw each other again, I like him, and we are quite similar, but he's not really like a dad to me, I guess he's never really had the chances. Step father... well there's bits about it dotted around this blog...save to say some step fathers cannot be trusted with little girls. Anyway neither of them have really ever been 'proper' parents, which makes it quite difficult -not just to choose a card but -to understand what it's like to actually have a relationship with a male parent. It's difficult to understand my own children's relationship with their father and on dreary evenings like this evening, I feel quite sad that I will never know what it's like to be loved by 2 parents at the same time. In order to feel what it's like I live vicariously through friends and Lovely Man and from this end it looks very safe and secure, and I am glad I can see how it should be.

I am writing this at a time when I have also had an upset with the only real parent I have had (almost) constantly in my life and when there's no brothers and sisters around either (I am an only child) it feels kinda lonely.

I received an email today from her saying that she won't be reading any more of my emails before she goes on holiday - next weekend- which means she has no intention of being in touch on my birthday, which is the middle of next week. Our emails have been fairly blunt over the last week and she says she doesn't want to be upset before her holiday. And there was I thinking that my imminent birthday may bring about a change, it's been a very long time since she's not acknowledged my birthday.

Meanwhile the children have spent the weekend with their father. Small Sprog carefully made a lovely card before leaving here on Friday and Tall Girl winged it by taking a blank one from the cupboard to decorate at some point prior to the event! Somehow too I have bought -and concealed for them in their overnight bag - presents for both children to give to him this weekend, some things never change, and he will not suspect of course. I hope he has enjoyed his children this weekend, I think, perhaps, that he has.

What does Fathers Day mean to you?


14 comments:

Steve said...

Father's Day this year was rather overshadowed by two new kittens in the household... but actually that was perfectly OK!

Mummy Plum said...

My own father is a man of few words. I have no idea if he appreciated the card or chocolates or not, but it would have felt wrong not to mark the occasion.

For my husband, who is Dad to a 3 year old, he was presented with a homemade card and keyring (done at nursery) and some more chocolates. I think he was unimpressed with the keyring. (A scrawl on perspex in permanent marker!) but enjoyed the chocs. He was king for the day; had a lie in, got treated to a meal out, watched the footie with a beer and I think he had a lovely day. At this stage, I have to make the 'fuss' as my boy is too little, but as he gets older I do hope he makes the effort. I think it's nice to be appreciated.

I think it's lovely you made an effort on your kids behalf so they could give something to their Dad.

BS5 Blogger said...

Sweet and poignant post, my lovely Suburbia x

Furtheron said...

In all honesty I think it a bit of marketing fluff to boost sales...

However this year, I got three cards, 2 from my daughter for some reason and thoughtful presents (Amazon wish list is a great idea!)...

However my wife said as I thanked her almost as I have ritually over the last 22 years on that day and she said "Don't thank me they did all this on their own"...

Now that alone was priceless. Especially for me, I can never claim to have been a good or model parent. There was a point 8 years ago when both of them could have said "We never want you in our lives again" and I couldn't have blamed them. The fact I am today and they do care about me is frankly worth all the tea in China as my poor old sadly missed father might have said

Maggie May said...

I didn't have a close relationship with my father & I feel I have missed out on what (I perceive) as other girls having a loving relationship with theirs. All I can say is that he was *distant* even though he lived in the same house all my single life. I now think he might have been Asperger's.

Father's Day goes through me a bit now, because I know that my grandsons lost their father nearly 4 yrs ago and they still haven't got over it. I was almost reduced to tears this weekend when I saw that Dean, my youngest grandson had sent the card that he had made at school to Granddad. That meant so much. The older one asked to visit the grave.

I'm really sorry about your mother. Theres always something to spoil everything.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Maggie May said...

I hope you managed to enjoy your Birthday in spite of the frostiness with your mother. Wish I had known when it was before........
Maggie X

Nuts in May

NitWit1 said...

Happy Belated Birthday!.

I do not know my biological father even though I know most of my biological family. My bio. mother was forced to surrender me for adoption. A lovely couple who had waited for children 10 years adoped me as a two week old infant in the middle of the Depression. Although strict and conservative, they loved me warts and old. In fact I often thought I was a Daddy's girl. I raled at the strict discipline, but I was, and am, a strong willed person. kinda like a horse, hard to break.

Suburbia said...

Furtheron, I think it's lovely that you thanked your wife for organising the children. Does this mean I have to wait until TG is 22 before I can take a back seat?!

Maggie and NitWit, my birthday is in 2 days time- thanks for the wishes :-)

Maggie- I'm so glad your grandson gave his card to Harry. It must be so difficult at school for him in this situation. We had a girl who lost her mother and the teacher made sure the class didn't make cards at all., which I think was really good. Children that want to can usually rustle up something at home.

nick said...

Father's Day never meant much to me. Even when my father was alive (he died in 1988) we were perpetually at loggerheads so he never got any Father's Day cards or gifts from me. And as you know I have no children so I don't get anything myself! Not that it matters much in the great scheme of things....

Lin at Sandpiper's Place said...

Hi Suburbia, Thanks for visiting my blog and leaving your nice note (last winter!) I'm so bad about keeping in touch. I'd like to wish you a belated Happy Birthday. I hope you enjoyed it. This was kind of a sad post. I hope you're feeling happier today! Have a wonderful summer.
:)

Carol said...

My Dad and I don't do Father's Day or Birthdays or Christmas actually! I don't remember us ever talking about it...it just kinda happened. He left when I was 12 and I didn't see him much during my teenage years...I used to ask him for expensive gifts for birthdays and christmas because then I could say 'Look what my Dad got me'...I don't know if that was part of it *shrugs*. We get on really well now and Skype quite often but we don't get together very often...I guess it's complicated!

Hope things between you and your Mum improve and that you have a totally fabulous birthday!

*Hugs* and Happy Birthday

C x

Liz said...

Oh gosh, you and me both, sub.

You and your mum have fallen out? Surely she won't ignore your birthday? Oh, is it today? or yesterday? Hope Lovely Man and children made it very special for you.

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

feeling a bit blue myself tonight for various reasons, so cos my one and only is watching the boring old football decided to catch up on my blog reading.

As an only child i can totally sympathise with you.....no one else realises just how hard it is to be the only child unless they are one themselves.

Sorry I have been so absent from both blogging and commenting, real life has been busy....and my blog life has taken second place.

I hope things look up for you soon in the parent stakes. Sometimes I think Philip Larkin was quite right.......

by the way loved your jubilee photos on the canal.

oh and Fathers day means nothing here. My kids all adore their dad, but no cards, one phone call from one child.......but I know when we all get together they love him!!

Letty xx

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Father's Day sounds quite sad for you, I really hope things picked up mid week for 'our' birthday :) Yes we're both on the same day, and every year I forget. Hope you had a good one xx