Almost daily diary!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Feeling Blue


Delphinium in my garden
It was my birthday last Wednesday. I awoke to the sun streaming through the curtains and a familiar warm lump by my feet; Stinky cats favourite place to spend the night. He looks at me and I know he is thinking instantly of his breakfast. We walk downstairs together, he does that familiar weaving in and out of your legs thing that cats do, sometimes I wonder if he's plotting my demise, but then who would feed him his favourite food?
I flick on the kettle and feed him hastily before he yowls the house down. I take my breakfast out into the garden and sit in the sun for a precious few minutes before I need to get ready for work. Stinky cat joins me, rolling around in the beginnings of the heat of the morning. It feels strangely quiet, the children aren't home until the afternoon and Lovely Man is working away...and Mum is not talking to me...
Birthday lunch

At lunchtime, after work, I eat in the garden again, Stinky cat follows me like a dog - I am never sure if it is just 'cupboard love'. I relish the last hour of quiet yet I have a small ache somewhere inside me; I check my emails every 30 minutes in case she sends a Happy Birthday message like she usually does on my birthday...it does not arrive.
In my garden
After picking the children up from school we follow our normal routine; I make sandwiches for the next day and dinner for the evening. Lovely Man returns, we eat and go to bed. Every now and again I remember it is my birthday and then I realise why the small ache is still there.
Sleep takes a while and my eyes fill with tears. It wasn't the day I'd planned, though maybe that's because I didn't really plan anything and I have learnt over the years that if you want to have a good time then you definitely have to organise it first and not just expect it to happen around you but I didn't have my heart in it this week. I could have suggested we go out or do something fun after school but actually I just felt a bit flat.


21 comments:

Scargosun said...

I am very sorry that it was not a good day for you. I for one am very glad that you have birthdays b/c it means that you were born and now I know you through your lovely blog. I know it's not a lot but I wish you a very happy day today and hope that you do lots of fun things this weekend. :)

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I'm sorry that your birthday was a bit flat, and I agree with you that sometimes we have to make our own plans, and if others remember our birthday, then that is a bonus xx

Tattie Weasle said...

Sometimes it happens that way. I'm sorry it was flat. I wish the very best for the coming year, you never know quite what is coming round the corner -something wonderful I am sure! Happy (a bit belated) birthday!!!

Dicky Carter said...

Don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes we feel flat - its just the way it is. Happy belated birthday by the way. Your lunch looks lovely and is one of my favourites.

Dicky Carter said...

Hi Sub, I tried to post a comment and not sure if it worked. Happy belated birthday. :)

Steve said...

Make sure you do something nice at the weekend, that's my advice. Happy birthday.

Rob-bear said...

Sometimes even with good planning, we end up feeling "a bit flat." Sorry you didn't hear from your mom; that's a real disappointment. Perhaps you and Lovely Man can do something special on the weekend, with or without the youngsters. Maybe there will even be sunshine instead of rain.

nick said...

Sorry to hear that. Just one of those things, I guess. Sometimes birthdays are wonderful, sometimes they're as flat as a pancake. But I'm sure there'll be plenty of very happy times during the next year....

Furtheron said...

Belated happy birthday - sometimes I think the hype around these things leads to unrealistic expectations and therefore disappointment. Shame though

Suburbia said...

I think it is the fact that I didn't hear from my mother on my birthday which has made me feel sad.

Suburbia said...

If I'd heard from
Mum I'd have had a different feeling about the day I guess,

Suburbia said...

Thank you :-)

Suburbia said...

Oh that's so lovely :-)
Thank you

Suburbia said...

Thank you :-)

Suburbia said...

Mine too
And thanks :-)

Irene said...

I think you must plan something special for your birthfay. It's not really a day to let go by unnoticed. xox

Maggie May said...

Sorry that I somehow or other missed this post. However, here I am now.

I'm sorry about the way your mother is treating you. Who knows whats going on in her mind.

If I were you, I'd celebrate your Birthday again by doing something special with Lovely Man at a later date.
I often think pets understand us better.

Maggie X
Nuts in May

Akelamalu said...

How sad that your mother didn't send you a birthday greeting of some sort. I'm sorry your birthday wasn't a happier day for you. To make up let me sing for you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR SUBURBIA
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOUUUUUUU!

NitWit1 said...

I wish you a very Happy Belated Birthday and hope that by the next one some parts of your life have changed for the better, or you have dealt with them wherein you find peace.

Rose said...

I'm so sorry your birthday wasn't the happiest...I've had a few of those as well, and agree that sometimes we need to plan something special for ourselves because others don't always come through. But I'm most sorry about your mother's ignoring you; that just isn't right. I agree with Maggie May that you need to plan a special late celebration for yourself.

Liz said...

Did my last comment (or better named epistle) work? I'll try again in case.
How unkind of your mum not to contact you. I'm sure if it had been the other way round you would have sent her greetings. I hope she is thinking on it and regretting it now.
I will make your non-birthday special by NOT singing, but know that very warm wishes come your way for when Lovely Man makes it up to you with the special secret surprise he is planning.