So, we are sitting at the dinner table, we are half way through our meal and the previous conversation has come to a natural end when Small Sprog pipes up 'Can I have a duckling?' Tall Girl and I cast a glance towards each other and, gently spluttering, I try not decorate the dining table with the meatballs which I am suddenly unable to swallow! I remind him that only last week he wanted a puffer fish; I sent him away to do research. After that he wanted a bearded dragon - this was a definite 'no' as I had a sudden vision of it scampering across my bed in the middle of the night; then he wanted a gecko -these are cute but I reminded him that the cat would probably eat it as much as look at it and so we came to an impasse.
Right now we are all in the sitting room; Small Sprog is shooting things on his Xbox (sound turned down, phew), Tall Girl is making the final touches to her Art coursework. We have worked our way through some musical greats on youtube - things that I am surprised they know all the words to - and whilst singing along, very loudly, Small Sprog breaks off on occasion to shout at an alien or two. I wonder if this is normal? I have to admit that, despite the noise, I'd rather we were all in one room than dispersed in separate rooms on different screens.
Small Sprog had a panic attack last week. It brought back horrible memories (probably for both of us) and though I am not one for praying, I think I may have sent out a little wish that it was a one off and not the onset of his full on anxiety.
I think our weekend went well towards putting an end to his distress. We spent Friday night with my partner and his 2 youngest. The children, actually I should say young people, (and I cross my fingers whilst writing this) get along like they've known each other for years, they didn't really need us adults around!
I'm still not sure how the last year has worked - I feel like it's too good to be true and that it will all be taken from me in a moment and that that moment is only around the corner. Weird how we sometimes can't let ourselves be happy - do you do that too?
7 comments:
SS certainly has some unusual ideas for pets! I love dragons myself but as you say, a dragon wouldn't last long with a cat on the prowl.
I often have that "too good to be true" feeling. I guess most of us do. But I'm sure you're on a roll that'll last for quite a while yet. Enjoy!
Quite often I can't allow myself to be really happy as something always seems to take it away from me...... over & over again. Bad luck or pessimism??????
Hoping your contentment lasts and lasts and lasts!
Maggie x
For a moment there I thought that he wanted duckling for breakfast! Hope the panic attack was a on-off and your happiness continues, without you having to worry about it x
We had a menagerie of different pets as my children were growing up, but a bearded dragon is one they never asked for! Some advice--with a cat, never decide to get a hamster; I won't go into detail.
Sounds like all is going well with you!
Projection…
Living in the moment has been a perennial problem for me in life. That moment, just then, that was it – all three of you there, happy and well and all ok. It will pass – it always does life goes up, down and occasionally straightlines but it can never stay the same for long.
I have a friend who I met in recovery – lovely lovely man. He is about 6ft 6in and about 25 stone. Huge guy, belly rolling laughter type. He aptly advised me on this some years ago with this superb visualisation which I hope you’ll pardon me for sharing with you. You’ll have to imagine his acting out this advice…
If you are standing with one leg in yesterday and the other leg in tomorrow. What are you doing? *non-plussed confused look from yours truly* PISSING all over today!... Sadly the written word doesn’t capture his guffawing laughter at my perplexed face on hearing this gem of advice for the first time.
I try to savour the golden moments when they happen these days if only for a few moments.
Letting ourselves be happy is the true key to actually being happy!
Enjoy it however long it lasts. But may it be forever.
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