Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Moving on

I looked at my Tall Girl today, and she is so very tall; 14 years old next month.

I remember being 14, and all the worries and excitement of living new experiences. Everything then was very vividly indeed, life was brightly coloured and jagged with anticipation, like a Picasso painting, the world was waiting, it was all there, but nothing was quite in the right place.

And then I look at my Small Sprog, who is no longer small; in his last year of Junior School, yet still so very young to me. Sometimes I feel pity for him without meaning to. I don't want to pity him, yet he still seems so vulnerable in the big world around him.

I remember dreading telling him that his world was about to cave in around him and that everything was going to change. I had this awful image of his beautiful smile turning to tears forever. He was always such a happy child on the surface, born generous and smiling.

And then I looked at how far we have come, how far I have come. Two years ago we were living a different life, two years ago my lovely daughter was a pre-teen, we lived a boringly normal life and I was lost to myself.

Yet now I am strong, independent and free, if you ever can be truly free, especially with two demanding children. But I feel free. I have things to look forward to, a whole life to look forward to, my life and those who tangle along with me through it are all so very cherished. These days I have 'plans'! And the plans that I make, we make as a family unit, are not dismissed or put aside. I feel alive.

My Small Sprog smiles still, he has not lost the joy of living, though he has moments of distress, and he holds me tight and tells me he loves me. Always he declares he loves me more than I love him, no matter how much I protest!

My pre-teen is a fully blown teenager and full of teenage habits, yet she is strong and beautiful and has endured the last four weeks in plaster admirably and with, mostly, good humour. She is maturing.

Adjustments have taken place and a new reality exists, one that is so far from the previous reality that sometimes I have to pinch myself to see if it really is true. How did I get here? How did I make such a massive change in my life, our lives? I almost can't quite remember.

13 comments:

Robyn said...

Lovely to read your uplifting outlook towards your family life.
Children keep you thinking and wanting the best.

Saz said...

yes you did!! Yes you can! and yes you will...still, grow and learn and yearn, be happy and enjoy...

you are inspiring...it's hard but we grow inspite of it all...

helluva journey....we are on our way!! and a tingle of excitement, itches and grows...


luv saz x

yawn...trying to stay up and watch the first chilean miner come upwards!!! one man has his wife and mistress waiting for him, they just discovered eachother...he may want to go back down!!

Steve said...

Although sometimes it feels hard, the most comforting thing about life is that is always carries on regardless and drags is along with it... and we, despite our protests and initial fear and pain, slowly adjust and life becomes not just normal again but also good. You've earnt your current happiness.

nick said...

I'm glad things are now looking more positive after so much pain and uncertainty. As you say, you have a whole life to look forward to and so much still to enjoy. Touching that SS always says he loves you more than you love him!

Louba said...

Glad things are going well :) Making the sort of changes you have is always going to be tough, sometimes when you least expect it. Keep making plans and loving the fact that you have lots of choice!

Rose said...

Suburbia, it's wonderful to read this and sense the positive feelings you have about your life right now. You've worked hard and endured so much to get to this point--enjoy! The fact that your children are doing so well and have adjusted to the changes in their lives is a tribute to you and how you have handled it all, as well.

Maggie May said...

Well done all of you for getting to the stage where you feel you are definitely moving on.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Maggie May said...

Well done all of you for getting to the stage where you feel you are definitely moving on.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

BS5 Blogger said...

What a joyous, happy post. It's been such fun to know SS and TG these months. You know she'll grow talker than you in 2011!

Your happiness is lovely to see.

Akelamalu said...

Just goes to prove that life does indeed 'go on'! I'm happy for you that everything's turned out well. :)

Liz said...

The adventure of your life is only just beginning! Enjoy the ride!

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

I absolutely love that you are in such a different, better place in your life. The changes will continue to come, and in all your years, you will keep looking back to marvel at the way it all has gone.

*HUGE HUGS*

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Casdok said...

All sounds so very positive :)