Almost daily diary!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

How it affects the children...

Small Sprog is not so small these days, though he will always be my youngest and closest I guess, in some way. However, despite all his fun and bravado he has deep worries. Just before going to school last Friday he looked worried.
'I don't want to go to Daddys' He states. I am taken aback. He is seeing all his relatives from 'that' side of the family at the weekend and he will have fun.
'Can I stay here and go to Daddys in the morning?' He asks.

I am so tempted, I miss him when he's away, but ...

'Why don't you want to go to Daddys? I ask
'I get nightmares there'
'But you sleep in the room you have had for as long as you can remember, you are safe there'
'But I like it here' He says. I am pleased our new house feels like home, but what should I do?

I give him the biggest hug.

He reassures me that he wants to see daddy, it's just the bed times he doesn't like.

I feel I have let him down by sending him. I have always told him he must be honest and if he doesn't like any family arrangements, then we will sort it out differently. And then, there I am, sending him off to school, knowing that his Dad will pick him up and have him for the weekend.

My head tells me I have to send him. It is too last minute to change. His dad has the overnight bag, wants to see him, etc. etc.

Did I let him down? I hope not.


13 comments:

Saz said...

mention it to your ex??? is that possible...l'm sure youve considered it from every angle...

saz x

Maggie May said...

I'm sure you didn't let him down but maybe you should tell his dad how he feels. Maybe there is something about bed time that makes him realise you are not there & makes him miss you.
Can Tall Girl sit with him for a bit? Or have a word with him or her dad?
Hope he forgets about it soon.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Suburbia said...

Yep, we had a long conversation about it. We always are able to communicate amicably when it is to do with the children which is thankful. It was hard to say to Ex (nearly!) though, with out sounding as though he was lacking. He was alright about it, so I guess I did ok!

:-)

Steve said...

Not at all. As the commentators have said above, his father needs to get on board with this and help work through the anxieties that are causing this. The fact your boy can confide in you tells me you're a long way from ever letting him down.

Elizabeth said...

Poor you, poor Small Sprog

Hugs needed all around.

BS5 Blogger said...

I am blessed to know you, and I know that you aren't capable of letting him down x

nick said...

The big question seems to be why he is getting nightmares. What is there about Daddy's house or his bedroom or whatever that causes them? Perhaps you should question him more closely about the nightmares and what they're about.

Casdok said...

Glad you have been able to talk to your Ex about it and hopefully things will be better for Small Sprog. So no you didnt let him down :)

Furtheron said...

You did the right thing.

If it gets too bad going forward then you need to readdress... hopefully it'll be something that passes quickly

Hullaballoo said...

This stuff is never easy, you just become more practised at dealing with it. You are a loving and wonderful mother and that is so important. Great that you can communicate amicably with your ex, for everyone's sake. Sending hugs too xxxxxxx.

Akelamalu said...

I think you should tell his Dad so that he can speak to small boy about what is bothering him about bedtime at his house. You haven't let him down, you love him. x

Rose said...

It's good that you spoke to your ex about it. It's probably more to do with the breaking of routine than anything for Small Sprog. I think you did the right thing--sometimes we do have to push our children into doing something they don't want just to see that they can manage a difficult situation.

Kitty said...

How did it go? No.1 hasn't stayed the night at her dad's place for months. Everyone told me that in the end the kids make up their own minds ... they were right. x