Almost daily diary!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

In which I am a bad mother...

I have spent roughly two hours cleaning Tall Girls stinky pre-teen bedroom this morning, I have cleaned, dusted, tidied, organised and hoovered. It looks and smells much sweeter now.

I cajoled her into the shower sometime later, and feeling that my work was done, came downstairs for a welcome cup of tea. Oh the joy of having a messy teenager!

After pottering around downstairs for a while I decided to go and have another look at my mornings work, sometimes it is satisfying to survey the scene. However there were already clothes on the floor together with her towel and PJ's. Should I get her back upstairs to put it all away? I didn't have the strength.

As I picked up her towel I noticed her mobile phone was underneath. I looked at it a moment. Just one little look?

Now I have to explain, and think I may have done before, that when I was about her age I kept a diary, a very personal one, full of teen angst and boyfriends, until my step father took it and read it. It led to endless arguments and accusations, everything was held against me. I never kept a diary again, until now. So, knowing how it feels to be violated like that, I have always vowed never to do such a thing. But as I saw her phone I hesitated. Just one little look?

Sometimes I leave my phone lying around, though mostly it is close by. I rarely delete texts, unless my phone is full. Most of them are from the same sender, my other life. Some of them say...

Just one little look? I couldn't help myself. I picked up her phone, selected messages, then 'In box' and scrolled down. Jack. Jack. Jack.... All from the same sender. I select one to read.
"Be on line in 10. Ly" I caught my breath, smiled and put down her phone. It felt so familiar. It is so strange. She is a dark horse. I am still smiling inside.


14 comments:

Maggie May said...

Its very human, Suburbia very human.

Nuts in May

gaelikaa said...

Oh, I'd be exactly the same. You just can't help it really!

Chic Mama said...

I think we've been living mirrored lives.....I used to keep a diary and reluctantly had to stay with my father who I barely knew every summer. In my diary I had my deepest thoughts and feelings, then he read it. I've never been able to write at all ( i was good at stories) since until now as well. I wonder how many of us there are. I have to admit to peeping at my son's phone too - twice. The guilt feeling is worse than the pleasure for me though. :0)

Steve said...

Unlike Pandora's box one little peek can't hurt - as long as it's kept to that - just to make sure they're safe...

BS5 Blogger said...

I think you've done the right thing there to be safe and Motherly and not at all a bad Mum!

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

Yes, I have done similar small things way back, and no, you just cannot help it, it is beyond human temptation methinks!

All three of mine are Dark Horses.....

Youngest Son - his room has always been a hell hole, he moved out over a year ago, and I haven't had the heart or enthusiasm to change it. And when he comes back (which he does regularly) to stay, he seems thankful, that all his chaos is in the places where he left it!

Letty ;0D xx

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

ooooh.. my parents read my diary too.... the interrogation went on for hours. In fact, I have a phobia about "two door cars" and being trapped in the back on the top of a local volcano....
and no, so far, i have not had cause to read my (now adult) children's stuff.. been tempted. I would have if I felt there was something to worry about.
However, when I too was getting texts from a past significant man I was dating at one stage, my daughter did read my phone! I only knew because my son told me - she has never mentioned it - but it certainly broadened her education!
Might pay you to delete a few texts!

Elizabeth said...

I read one page of one of my daughter;s diaries at the same age
and vowed never to do so again
too painful all around...

Rose said...

It's hard to resist; as Steve says, you are just being a protective mother.

Sorry I haven't been around the past few days; I apparently caught some flu germs while substituting earlier this week and have spent the last two days on the couch. It's good to be able to sit at the computer again and catch up on all of Small Sprog's antics--I have a feeling he and my oldest grandson (age 10) would get along famously:)

Akelamalu said...

It's very difficult not to look. :(

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

It is hard not to look as you might not like what you find! I had my diary looked at by a friend's mum and it was hell. She was too ready with her hands when she chastised her daughter my best friend. I had written how much I disliked her mother for making my friend sob - silly teenage loyalty but I couldn't tell anyone about her abuse of her daughter so writing about it was my safety valve. I never kept a diary again after that. This woman wasn't my mother so she had no right to look in my diary because she might have been worried about me, she was just a nasty sneak. You are not a bad mother, you were momentarily tempted to make sure she was safe and after a small peek, let your curiosity go! That's willpower!

nick said...

You naughty person. But haven't we all done it, sometimes the temptation is just too much. As long as you didn't discover anything too shocking or private, no harm done.

this is my patch said...

I think it would be more worrying if your daughter hid her mobile. At least she leaves it in sight, and has nothing serious to hide. x

Furtheron said...

Mrs F has the same problem... this has now led to my daughter carrying her phone everywhere