"Fed up" I replied
You would have thought I would have learnt by now. I have made many 'notes to self' about it, DO NOT ring mother when fed up!
It's hard to break the habit though. When I was younger, I often turned to her for support, now I am aware she is judging me, not really understanding, and then worrying about me worrying!
"When you write your Christmas cards" She says, her voice on a high note, under the deluded impression that talking about Christmas might cheer me up. "When you write your Christmas cards..."
What?! I want to shout, Christmas, CHRISTMAS? I nearly drop the phone! How can she expect me to even be thinking of Christmas yet? I am trying to ignore it for as long as possible this year, the whole fortnight of festivities, all here together in the house, well, it's just unthinkable. Yet I know it will come about, and it will have to be negotiated. At the moment I can only think about one thing at a time, and Christmas cards are way down the list, believe me.
"When you write your Christmas cards to Auntie Never-was and Uncle Not-relateds, do you think you can sign them ambiguously?"
"Well, I haven't told them you see, about your divorce. I'll tell them when it's all over, I don't want to bother them with it now"
Oh for goodness sake is on the tip of my tongue!
For a start, Auntie Never-was and Uncle Not-related and their various clones are all long standing friends of my mothers and nothing very much to do with me. We have exchanged cards for as long as I can remember, and it is only 'tradition' that keeps them on the card list, year after year. They all became Aunties and Uncles when I was old enough to speak my first words and it was impolite to use Christian names when you were little, all that time ago. I'm sure you have some of them somewhere yourself? A dying generation of un-relateds. Thank goodness my children will never have any of them, just first names here!
She doesn't want to bother them with it? I can feel my patience dwindling. "What do you want me to write then?" I retort through gritted teeth.
"Instead of using all your names" She suggested "How about 'from all of us' that would cover a multitude"
The phrase reeled off her tongue in a trice, an instant solution! It was then that I realised that she had had it all planned out! I had been 'Tangoed'! All she was waiting for was my call. The most pressing item on her agenda for the day was 'Suburbias Embarrassing Situation'! Harrumph!
Do you think you can you just pass me that unopened packet of Christmas Cheer please? Now what was that phrase again?