Almost daily diary!

Monday, September 05, 2011

Just meant to be?

I went back to the Old Family Home this afternoon, the children are with their father until Wednesday and I needed to check some stuff with Tall Girl. I had come from the supermarket and was dying for a wee! Sitting on the downstairs loo I thought about how long it had been since I last sat there. Over 2 years was my conclusion. It's not often you can revisit a house so intimately once you've moved out...

Anyway, before we sat down to discuss school, Ex husband made us cups of tea and produced cake. "Banana, or lemon cake?" He pronounced. "I made the banana cake" He added. I opted for that one, it looked delicious.

We sat for quite sometime, discussing school and children; when to get dyslexic centre sessions, who to do the next assessment, Small Sprogs adventure at the weekend to see the Gorilla Trail, looking at photos, talking about the future. I guess I am lucky that we can do that, all of us together (although Small Sprog made a quick exit to play with one of the Nit Children; no point in aimless talk when there are larks to be had!)

As I drove home I realised how far we've come. I still get on with Ex husband as well as we ever did before things went wrong. It always underlines my initial feelings...that we should have just stayed 'just friends'. But then we'd not have our lovely children. May be some things are just meant to be.

Recently I have been gardening. A new house also means a band new garden. I have found designing and planting my new garden an unexpected pleasure. I even enjoy mowing the lawn. I had never done that job before. Our marriage followed 'traditional' roles. I remember Ex husband used to spend what seemed like whole summers in the garden. I was never very interested then. While he was in the garden on a Sunday morning, I often used to bake cakes. Ex husband would never have done that job either.

And now look at us. I can't get enough of being in the garden and he is baking banana cake, very delicious it was too. So how come we couldn't see though all the mundane chores and dull life we had made for ourselves before? Why were we so locked into our own worlds?

I constantly reflect. It is impossible not to, with two children to look after. Still no regrets, I love my new life. I love my freedom and my autonomy even though I know it is selfish. Maybe I was never made for married life? Yet there is always the thought that I should have made more effort to make it work. Should I? For the children's sake? We'll never know now.


17 comments:

Tattie Weasle said...

As you say some things are just menat to be...

Looking for Blue Sky said...

I may have said it before but I love your civilised relationship with your ex. x

Maggie May said...

Glad things have reached an amiable state and you can all get together for meetings like that.

I also love gardening but for obvious reasons I cannot do so much now.It is really exciting to plan a new garden.

My son and family also seem happier apart. He often says that he thinks that marriage is not for him and my daughter says the same thing. Maybe there is a new generation of people who feel this way.It is easier for people to split than when I was young and a woman would have absolutely no where to go! As long as the human race doesn't die out!
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Rob-bear said...

Glad you had such a good working weekend. And it is interesting how things change in our lives, when there are new responsibilities and new opportunities.

Towanda said...

I don't think living alone is selfish personally. Some of us just simply do so much better without a partner. Instead of fighting to get my way, I just have it my way because I want it so. And no, I don't think that is selfish because then I have the energy to do others things not centered on me. My two cents that you didn't ask for. :)

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

I think we get into our roles and then into a rut.... and then don't bother to think of doing it differently. Having a family probably makes it happen too. I am working on not letting it happen again but feel echoes of it occasionally.

And yes, we had reached that stage before my ex husband was killed last year - it was a difficult time because of the echoes of the past and remaining friendship. I am quite sure that if it happened to you, you would still grieve for the time you had together and the loss of a friend. Well done on getting there after all the issues....

Steve said...

No regrets is the key. And you gain that not by not making painful decisions but by making the best of every decision you do make.

Dicky said...

No regrets Sub! Sometimes things just don't work out out between people. You seem to have a good relationship with your ex. I used to spend time wondering why we split up and maybe if things had been different. Now I wonder to myself "how did we stay together sooooo long?"

Lovely post as always. x

Rose said...

I'm so glad that you and Ex have a friendly relationship now; that not only makes life better for you, but definitely for the children. Life is full of so many "what if's," you can't look back and have regrets. You seem so happy now so surely you made the right decision.

I don't think my husband could ever make a banana cake:)

Akelamalu said...

It's great that you can sit down and talk now.

No point in dwelling on the past, you've all got new horizons now - just enjoy. x

Furtheron said...

don't regret... no point...

you are very lucky to be able to sit and talk through that stuff all together - too many times it ends up where couples can barely be in the county as each other let alone the same room - you are lucky really

nick said...

I'm sure you made plenty of effort to make the marriage work, but if it lacked something essential any amount of effort wasn't going to change anything. Intriguing that you are now swopping roles and both enjoying things you used to steer away from.

Clare Dunn said...

"What if's" are seldom productive. When you look back, look back with fondness at the best parts, and let the rest go.

The choices we make make us who we are, and from the sound of your post, you are someone very special.

Thank you for dropping in on my blog, and for your sweet comment. I hope that (thank you, Maggie!) we can be friends.

xoxoxo, cd

BS5 Blogger said...

I don't think there's much second guessing to be done. You have lovely, confident children and a fine new lawn mower! xx

Liz said...

I think it's amazing that you've reached this point where you can write in such genuinely friendly terms about ex-husband. It's sad you spent so long trapped but as you say you have the children and look how far you've both come. Maybe in time you will be able to regard your marriage as a necessary evil. I don't mean that as badly as it sounds but I can't think of a better phrase! (I've been ironing all afternoon and am brain dead.)

Starnitesky said...

I am so glad to read you are able to now be friends with your ex, it certainly makes things easier especially as the children go there regularly. Well done, you have come a long way, it was all worth it.

Kitty said...

I think sometimes things aren't meant to be 'forever' things. They're just what's 'right' for a while, and then they're not right anymore. It's great that you and he can talk like that - I wish I could have that with my ex. x