Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

The visit

My Brother in Law visited today. He listened well and it was an amicable meeting. He says he wishes he'd realised the extent of things here and that, if he had, maybe he could have helped to make things better, which is sweet of him but I think probably not possible. Everyone is so shocked. It's funny how good we get at pretending.

Obviously I am the one who has lived with this impending saga in my head for sometime now, so it is hard for me to understand other peoples shock and confusion. For me, this is the beginning of a new phase, for others it is a sad ending.

Other people are distressed. I have to keep reminding myself that I have been distressed and this is how I am attempting to solve it. Causing it to others is not a nice thing to do but if it is mine or theirs then there seems little choice. Is that selfish? I know it will get worse before it gets better.

22 comments:

Hullaballoo said...

Ride the storm and you will find the resilience and mettle you need. I am there with you.

xx

Akelamalu said...

No you're not selfish, you have to do what you have to do for your sanity.

I remember the sadness and hurt I felt when my son's marriage broke up though so I can understand how your family feel. :(

nick said...

Announcing something that seems inevitable to you but comes as a complete surprise to others (as you say because of a long period of pretending) often causes shock and distress in others, because it suddenly shatters all their expectations and stereotypes. Quite normal and nothing to feel selfish about. It's up to them to work through their emotional disturbance.

BS5 Blogger said...

Keep flying positively and look after number one is the best I could say; not like it was a thirty second decision just when you got out of bed today! Glad to hear your visitor was civil and respectful.

scargosun said...

You have had a little time to get used to it so you moved beyond the initial distressment. I hope others soon will as well. Thinking about you! I made a special trip out from underneath my work pile to check in on you. :)

Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

I have been thinking of you too, today.

You have to do what is right for yourself and not feel guilty.

I am glad the meeting went well. Relatives are going to be distressed because it is all new to them.

However, it is your life, and you must make the decisions.

Which to be honest, I am sure are the right ones, because ever since I began reading your blog - I kinda knew things were not right between you and husband.

Sorry hope I am not being to up front there.

Life can only get better imho - pretence is exhausting and time wasting.

Remember my motto - "Life Is Too Short".

lotsoflove,
Letty ;0))))))))) Who really does feel for you.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

You are on track and seem to have an old head on your young shoulders...of course everyone else is sad because they dont walk in your shoes babe...you may lose some pals along the way and thats just the way it is....

you keep on the road and you will get to where you are going to...

FFF x

Maggie May said...

I am pleased that the meeting with your brother in law went well.
It will be a shock for the others but only for a while till they get used to it.
No you are not selfish. You have a right to happiness and have obviously given the matter great thought.
I am sure things will smooth out, though I don't suppose there is an easy way if you are going to split. keep trekking!

Kitty said...

It does come as a surprise to others, doesn't it? But then that just goes to show how 'hidden' you kept your unhappiness. I don't know about you, but in my case it made me wonder at the perhaps unspoken unhappinesses of my friends and family too.

I'm pleased it was an amicable meeting. Hopefully you can remain friends.

x

Rose said...

I'm glad your meeting with Brother-in-law went well. Of course, other people are shocked, because you kept up a good front. They'll get over it, and their reactions don't really matter. What's important is that you do what is best for you. Hang in there.

Molly said...

You shouldn't not do what is right for you [a decision not reached lightly]just because it might make others uncomfortable! You are the one living with the problem.....

Ms Wiz said...

I think it's true that we keep uhappiness so well hidden that when we speak out everyone is shocked. Its like they feel they should have noticed and feel guilty. At my unhappiest my husband was planning our kitchen & spent every waking moment thinking about that while I was silently breaking up. (his lack of communication & denial of problems was & still is an issue!) He was shocked when I wanted to go to relate Relate.

It was kind of your BIL to be concerned but in the end its really not his business. Which sounds harsh and I don't mean it to be unkind. You are definitely not selfish.

Lindsay said...

Glad the meeting went off well. I am sure you are receiving support from your side of the family. Good luck and hope you can feel more at peace soon.

Tawny said...

Keep moving forward slowly and you will be fine, it will be a shock to others but rather selfishly, that is their problem. You will come through this stronger and wiser than before.

Ladybird World Mother said...

Agree with Kitty... so easy to hide how we really are, and then go on to amaze people, when we say how we really Are feeling. Hope you are OK. Just keep on doing the next thing as well as you can..or able to at that point. XXXX

Mean Mom said...

I think that I was probably in my 20s, before I realised that not every married couple lived happily, or happily ever after. I must have had my head buried in too much cheap fiction, I think.

Life is rarely neat and tidy, but deep down, most of us wish that it was, which is one of the reasons why people don't want to face up to your decision. It won't be easy, but it would be damaging to live a lie. There would be consequences. You've made a good start and are standing firm!

Elizabeth said...

So difficult trying to explain things to others.
But reading between the lines of your blog for several months we could see this was coming.
Yes, you do deserve a joyful life.
Anyway, I keep thinking of you.
All best wishes.

word verification:
glumped

make of that what you will........

Working mum said...

Glad he listened and was understanding. It is a shock when you find out your friends and family have been living with unhappiness, but it is nobody's business what you do about it but yours.

cheshire wife said...

It is your life. You need to do what is best for you. I do not think that you are being selfish. You are entitled to be happy.

Jennysmith said...

Sorry sweetie, i thought i already put a comment on here.

am thinking of you ,S, and don't listen to your out-laws. thats the trouble when they get involved. xxxxx

Liz said...

The only people who matter are your children, your husband and you. What anyone else thinks is relevant.

I'm glad your b-i-l was understanding.

swile67 said...

No, you are not selfish! And yes, it will get worse before it gets better but in the end your spirit that has been forced into hiding will come alive again and soar! Keep pressing on!