Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

The Dilema


Over the last month or so I have been applying for jobs, around 16 in total. I have been called to interview twice, both were the 'better' jobs.

The first interview was stressful and long winded. It was the first one I had been to for 5 years, I was not surprised when I did not secure the position. However to get and interview from 85 applicants was something I suppose.

Last Friday I was called to another interview, 60 applicants for that one, better odds! I really need the hours, especially as I have heard nothing from husband since he said he was cutting us off financially the other week, the solicitor seems to have gone quiet too.

Anyway, I was supposed to receive a call tomorrow to let me know if I was successful. When my phone rang this evening I was not expecting the call. 'You were so good at interview' she said 'we knew we had to have you' Good to hear I guess but...

The position is full time. I need the hours. But this also means I will never be able to pick Small Sprog up from school again. He'll cope I hear you say but ...

Husband has always said he wanted the children 50% of the time, every other full week. The main reason I was able to keep them with me was that I worked school hours and it was agreed that this was a major factor in caring for them. He could not be there after school, I got to keep them.I don't want to lose them.

So, if I accept the much needed job, 37 hours when my current position has been cut to just 11 from September, does it mean I lose my children? If I decline the job, I cannot afford to live.

Money does not buy happiness. Practical or emotional stability?

Tomorrow is my day off. If I take the job, I may only have one and a half days left in my current position. It all seems surreal. It all seems wrong. I have a bad feeling. Or am I just feeling like that because my life will change so much. I have not worked full time since Tall Girl was born. 

Affordable living or my children with me most of the time? A stark choice which I need to make now.

20 comments:

the eternal worrier: said...

Changing job is always a bit traumatic but I’m sure you can get through it after everything else over the last 2 years – go Sub! By the way surely this must be the first comment on this post?

Suburbia said...

How did you do that so quickly?!

Maggie May said...

I think you will have to take it, Sub.
Congratulations on being picked out of so many. That was absolutely marvellous.
I really hope that the children can stay with you. Surely they will be getting near to the age of choosing for themselves.
Hoping that SS doesn't have to go far to school by himself. I am sure he is at an age where he will cope.
Life is so complicated, isn't it?
You would think that their father would want to make their life easier, not harder. After all, he is supposed to love them.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Dori said...

I've always been one to advise going with that "gut feeling"...I'm also wrong a lot of the time.

Seems like there will be a lot of soul searching tomorrow...maybe a few phone calls to quiet solicitors? Regardless...hugs! You'll get through this as well.

BS5 Blogger said...

Love and thoughts from this side of Bristol! X

Steve said...

Does the school have an after-school club or some mind of creche facility? What about any of his friends mums - could they look after him for an hour to two each day for a small fee?

Carol said...

You do what you have to do to survive. I would have thought that you could argue that husbands position left you with no choice but to take the job. I would put a call into your solicitor! Another suggestion....they clearly want you for the job so why not ask (there is no harm in asking) whether they would be willing for you to start earlier and perhaps work through lunch so that your still working the required hours but you get to leave early for the kids. I'm sure there is someone that would take them in and give them some breakfast so you could get to work early! Just a thought! (Out of curiosity, what does husband plan to do his 50% of the time?)

Anyway, congratulations on getting the job offer! That is no easy task in this day and age so make sure you give yourself a pat on the back for doing so well!

C x

nick said...

My feeling is go for the job, if they're keen to have you and jobs are so hard to get and you really need the cash. There must be a way of sorting out the childcare issues so you aren't losing out too much there. I'll restrain myself from further comments on husband's behaviour.

Jennysmith said...

Poor sweetie, wish I knew what to advise.

Am rooting for you at this difficult time. xxx

Kitty said...

I think you need to go to Court. I know it's stressful and expensive, but your ex can't just dole out 'stuff' like that. If you have a Court Order, then it's all sorted and he can no longer manipulate you nor the situation. I doubt very much whether he would 'get' 50% of their time either.

Thinking of you. :) x

Rose said...

Congratulations on the job offer! I know it's a hard decision to make, but I think taking the job is your only choice. You'll find a way to work it out so that Small Sprog is taken care of after school--perhaps he can go to a friend's house or there is an after-school program he could attend. I wouldn't worry about Husband's claim on the children--when he threatened to cut off funds he gave you no choice but to work full-time.

Lakeland Jo said...

I maybe missing something (not unusual) but I thought it was illegal these days to just 'withdraw' financial support from your kids.... ??? Am I just being the supreme innocent?
Take the job and see what transpires and well done for getting it- dont' lose sight of that :)

Furtheron said...

Take the job.

Yes the childcare and time etc will be an issue - but one I'm sure you'll work through with the kids.

You shouldn't lose sight of that comment. 'You were so good at interview' she said 'we knew we had to have you'

Take the job :-)

Liz said...

What a horrendous decision. I hope today has been a good one for you and that you've been able to reach a decision that you are if not happy at least accepting of.

Unlike the rest of your commentators I can't bring myself to say take the job.

Expat mum said...

I would say take the job because -

- even if you only do it for a while, it makes you much more marketable for future jobs, and
- you can still argue that it's too disruptive for children to switch places of abode every other week. Most specialists in that area will say that children need one home and it's not ideal to shuffle them around.

Rob-bear said...

Rotten, miserable situation. But I think Carol is right: in the here and now, you have to do what you have to do, just to survive — fed and clothe the kids (and yourself) and keep a roof over all your heads. And rattle your Solicitor's chain. Frequently!

I hope something works for you.

Jean said...

Take it and see how it goes. If it works out you will be better off. If it doesn't, you can quit and look for something else.
If you say no, you can't change your mind and ask for it back later.

mrsnesbitt said...

I missed this - what desision you take will be the best one and your children will know this. Believe me my mum was in a similar position when I was 5 and her marriage collapsed. We went through hard times but close times. (((HUGS)))

Starnitesky said...

My children are now grown up and I once asked them how it was having a mother that worked. They just said it was OK but you were tired all the time. We all survived. You must make the decision which feels right for you all.

Saz said...

take it girl....and you won;t lose your children...how could you? So you will have someone collect them from school or you negotiate your hours to be flexible....you can always ask...

dont forget to sign up to csa and every possible benefit going....they dont treat you like a leper anymore, believe me...lve done it all....you dont have to dress down, or take off your jewellery and make up to appear less than yo are...its called 'entitlement'....and our taxes paid over the years makes everyone able to apply...
go for it....

it will empower you, you will be taking more ocntrol and have more power...

honest, it works, breathe and do...

you know where l am...

saz x