Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Looking back, looking forward...

Last Christmas was not one of the best in the world, it was the culmination of a whole year of living in the same house but apart. It was hard, a strain, but it happened none the less and we all survived it. A whole year ago. I keep getting flash backs of it. My world was much smaller then and I spent a lot of time in my room. I can remember wondering, where I would be and what I would be doing at Christmas and New Year the following year, for these are our markers in time. And all of a sudden, here I am, here we are.

Are we nearly 'there' yet? Well almost, not quite but almost. The next three months will be a challenge but I have plans and I can see them more clearly now. 

Two years ago, when I suddenly knew what had to be done, it seemed such a massive task. There are 2 things that I remember from back then. The first is the feeling of being immersed in my work one day therefore forgetting about the massive thing I was about to do, and then coming out of work and the whole enormity of it hitting me, almost physically, with a stomach wrenching terror. The second thing is Small Sprogs smile. 

He always smiled, and I imagined how, once I started to put my plans into motion, his smile might disappear forever. I still worry about his smile... 

However I have faired well so far, fingers crossed. We are very very lucky. I followed my plan, and it's worked out better than I could have imagined. And as for Small Sprog, he couldn't wait for Christmas, he bounced with excitement and he is still smiling, a lot.


9 comments:

Elizabeth said...

I remember it all so heart-stoppingly well.....
You were right to do what you did
but I quite understand how difficult it was

wishing you all well
in 2011

Furtheron said...

his smile won't go away I'm sure

Hullaballoo said...

Beautiful, courageous, wonderful mother. You are often in my thoughts. Go well in 2011 and let me share in your journey. Much love to you.

*~Christine~* said...

Hey there. Came across your blog through Louba's blog. I like it and am now following. I hope your New Year is amazing, and that 2011 brings you blessings you can't even fathom :]


http://thesilverlining122.blogspot.com/

Louba said...

As long as he has you to look up to he'll keep smiling :) Glad things are going well for you. Hugs L

Rob-bear said...

A whole year on, and you're still alive! And you're still you; maybe even more "you" than you were before.

And Small Sprog still smiles. Good sign!

Congratulations, and best wishes.

Steve said...

Wishing you all lots of smiles for the New Year and all the years ahead...

Maggie May said...

Glad you are in the place you want to be and I wish you every success in the New Year.
SS's smile will pull you through.
Maggie X

PS Word ver is NUTTUMET !!!!!!

Nuts in May

Kitty said...

You did good, girl. Just keep on being you, and the kids will be fine. You'll see.

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones. I hope 2011 turns out to be fantastic for you all. :) xx