Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

Today in court

It took no time at all to navigate through the morning traffic to get to court this morning. I was early. Waiting is always the most painful part of a stressful situation. I sat in the car and waited, to distracted to read. Friends texted and called, the thought that people cared made me cry, how silly is that?

Getting into the court building was like entering an airport, bag searches and metal detectors, queues. The man in front of me kept fishing things from his pockets, going through the metal detector, setting it off and then emptying more things from various pieces of attire. I wondered what he didn't understand about 'emptying pockets' in the first place. Eventually he was relieved of a small pen knife which he had to leave behind the security barrier. At least being a spectator had taken my mind off the proceedings. As I ascended the marble stairs I looked back to see Husband waiting in the queue for security.

We never intended to go to court. We had done all we could to avoid it in fact. We had been brought to court today by a judge who wouldn't sign our consent order.

In September we agreed terms, not equal, but almost. I wanted it over and wasn't prepared to spend more money and time quibbling through the courts. The solicitors drew up the agreement and sent it to the judge to approve. He sent it back saying it was not a fair split, no pension rights. Twice we returned it, assuring the judge it was what we wanted. During this time, months of it, my lease was getting close to the end of it's time. It became more urgent to get a settlement.

In the court room today the judge provided no preamble. As soon as we were seated he proclaimed that he was not going to pass the order. I put my head in my hands, Husband looked pale. The judge repeated this several times, both solicitors trying to say that we were all in agreement but no, he was not here' to rubber stamp' the order we had agreed on.

I was waiting for him to speak to me. He did not. All of a sudden I could hold back no more. Don't ask me what I said, I can't remember now, but it was heartfelt, said through tears and said with conviction. We had agreed, nothing would change my mind. Whatever I said, it convinced him. He signed it, we were free. Almost.

Fifteen minutes in court, seemed like a lifetime. As we left the room the  whole thing seemed very surreal. I turned to husband and we hugged. We had both suffered the stress and tension. He turns 60 next year, his pensions will ensure he can have a reasonable lifestyle while his children grow up. It is important, to us both.

'I was going to text you this morning' He said in my ear 'Parsnip' I laughed, and cried together. It was a joke, from long ago, that's the trouble with knowing the same person for a long time. We have so much history.
'You ok?' I ask
'Need a drink' he says.
Our solicitors look on amused. You'd probably not have guessed, as an outsider, that we had just ended our marriage, the decree absolute only weeks away...



15 comments:

Louba said...

Sounds like a difficult day but I'm so pleased for you that it went amicably and you are nearing the end of the process. Hugs

Steve said...

So glad that a real end is now in sight... and good for you for speaking up: a moment to be proud of.

Looking for Blue Sky said...

So sorry that it turned into a difficult day, but very impressed that you are able to hug your ex-husband, that must be great for your kids to see x

Maggie May said...

You went through a bad time but at least you know that the end of it is near and as a bonus you felt that you could hug your ex (probably with relief!) But it is good to keep on the right side of him.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Miss Sadie said...

I'm glad you survived. The judge was trying to make sure things were settled fairly, and that one or the other of you doesn't get the short end of a stick.

Glad that you could take things in hand and moved them along. Gutsy you!

Best wishes for what comes next.

Saz said...

oh Sub, I'm a mess in tears for you for him, for the kids and yes for me....

have been in a mess all day really....my own thoughts nagging..scary
and I thought of you all day...

I so want to avoid all this, and need to draw a line, and know l will walk with nothing...just to avoid more pain...

but how can you live, when under this cloud, day by day...trying to push the crowding thought, worries and fears away...always away


luv saz xxx

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

Well done!
Hope tis brings some relief and a new era for you both to move on and be there for the kids.
After losing my ex in the accident last year - I do appreciate that there will always be good memories - no matter what - and I hope you can also be friends now
:)

Rose said...

I'm so glad this is over for you and now you can move on with your life. I hope it makes it easier for you to find a new home, too. I also think it's great that you and your husband could hug and share a laugh--it's hard to just erase the good memories you once shared with him.

Akelamalu said...

So traumatic but at least it's over now.

nick said...

Well, the judge obviously wanted to be scrupulously fair, but at the end of the day it's what the two of you are agreed on that matters. Very glad it's all resolved and you can get on with the rest of your life. Does this mean you'll now get that much-needed settlement?

Suburbia said...

Yes Nick, have it now :-)

Maggie, it was relief

Starnitesky said...

This must have been hard for you but it is now over and you can get on with your life. I hope you will be able to find another house and then you can be settled.

nick said...

Which means you'll now get the cash you need to buy a house?

Suburbia said...

Yes!

Liz said...

Good for you. So glad it's over.