Almost daily diary!

Monday, February 25, 2013

Sometimes

Of late I have felt the hamster wheel of life catching up with me. Perhaps, now that I work 4 days a week, instead of half that, I am finally feeling the pinch. Perhaps it is the GCSE's getting to me, God knows I could take them for her (Tall Girl) with all the prep I help her with, or perhaps there is no escape from suburbia?

I am not unhappy here. I love my home and my children very much. I love them here with me and always regret their time away with ex husband but I also, once they're gone, relish the child free time.

I am lucky, I have 'it all' in a way. And as I sit here now, tap tapping on the laptop, with the cat draped over both wrists attempting to give me repetitive strain injury, I can't help wondering what life might have been like had I not left Acacia Avenue. Are things very different? Do I still keep the house running? Yes, and work twice as many hours too! Did I get the freedom I craved for? Perhaps...but I am happy here. Yes, I am, even when I'm alone.

15 comments:

Irene said...

Your state of mind is the most important thing. That's how you will always know if you've made the right choices. xox

Maggie May said...

It seems like there's never a perfect solution to anything and we often find ourselves having to compromise on some things. Maybe that is the way it will always be!
Anyway .. keep the wheel turning. I'm just getting ready to jump into mine!
Maggie x

Nuts in May

Carol said...

Things never quite work out like we plan! I think the main this is that, when you sat down and really thought about it, you are happy. Not many people can say that!

I'm happy that your happy! You've been through the mill (and then some) so it's good that you've come out the other side and that you are in a good place :-)

C x

Suburbia said...

Thanks Carlo, that's lovely :-)

Suburbia said...

Yes Maggie I read that your wheel is ready and waiting! Try a low gear at first my friend!

Suburbia said...

Good to hear from you Irene and thank you

Suburbia said...

Oops! Carol :-0

Dicky Carter said...

I think the best thing Sub; it to not wonder about what may have been.

Carol said...

Hahaha, don't worry...I wrote 'this' instead of 'thing' but didn't notice so when I read the comment back today I realised that it didn't actually make that much sense!

C x

nick said...

What Dicky said - don't worry about the may have beens, just enjoy the present moment. I think you made the decisions you had to make, and you've changed your life for the better, even if it's not always obvious.

Furtheron said...

You can only make the most of now - you never live in the past or the future only the now, the present. If you really don't like the now - change the future course... but I think you know that you really are in a good place...

It doesn't change - my son just finished his Masters finals - and I was just as nervous on the results... however I couldn't help on revision fro Quantum theory!!! LOL!

My own hamster wheel hasn't been running the way I'm fully happy with so soon... new wheel :-)

Rob-bear said...

I hope your experience of life on the hamster wheel soon comes to an end. But the rest seem so very good.

There is, I understand, a Welsh word "cynefin." It is the place you feel that you ought to live. It sounds like you have discovered yours!

Blessings and Bear hugs! (Now, back to hibernation.)

Starnitesky said...

I'm glad your happy, you have survived a long journey and have done so well!

Rose said...

I've been on that "hamster wheel" for the past two weeks; thank goodness, I just jumped off:) I think it's only natural to wonder "what if," but you're happy, "even when alone," and that's the most important thing.

DD's Diary said...

So glad to hear that. You sound very serene x