Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, March 17, 2015

Here again so soon?

Tonight I should be writing my 'learning journal' - yep, homework from my counseling course - every week I have to journal about the day, it is, perhaps, the reason why I don't write here very much any more and, like this blog, it shows huge personal growth since September when I started it.

I look back - a bit of a speciality of mine(!) - and realise how far I have come in 12 months - more so since September, but perhaps it all started with the short course I enrolled on last April?

It's been a huge emotional roller coaster of a ride, and though I think I'm through the worst now I often get a little tearful during the sessions and a bit more of me is revealed, raw and hurting, bits I have kept for some time.

Yet we all have these bits and the wonderful journey that I have travelled has helped me recognise and acknowledge them and begin, only just begin, to move on. So although I've been learning about counselling others, I have learnt far more about myself - but that is to be expected from these sorts of courses, or so I've been told.

I look back now with self knowledge that has been hard fought for and wonder if I'd have made different choices if I'd been aware - in the past - of what drives me? But in the same instant I am grateful for constantly moving forward and I have no regrets - how lucky is that?!

So the household carries on in its shambolic fashion; Tall Girl has around 40 days left of her education and has stalled a little. 14 years of hating school; getting her through the last few days is proving a challenge!

Small Sprog is upstairs in his room, on Skype, or something similar, singing to a load of girls from who knows where? I can hear him, his rendition of Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody left a lot to be desired! As he screams to a halt somewhere around the Beelzebub bit I shout up the stairs for him to stop before he wakes the baby two doors down - he has a lovely voice but his pub singer impression is not his finest moment. It's taken him 2 hours to do his math homework in all the chaos that is his room, somehow he seems to be doing well at school!

The cat is still with us, in body if not in mind - he has dementia and mostly is quite lost but we do our best and he hangs on determinedly to this life rather than moving on to the next with dignity.

And on we go, rubbing along together, life is good, really very good in fact and time is precious; my babies are not babies anymore but beautiful big bright beings who light up my life and make me a lot of work all at the same time. Here we are, 5 years in, we have found our normality and it's better than I imagined.

Today I am grateful


Maggie May said...

Good for you, with the counselling. A friend of mine tells me that it was a very painful process for her when she was learning. Now she is wearing from it.
All the best....... Maggie x

Steve said...

Glad to read this. Hugs to you all.

Working Mum said...

Well done on the counselling course. I did the short, 8 week introduction course years ago and found that gruelling enough. I hope you go on to help other people with your new skills.

Rose said...

It's hard to believe Tall Girl is almost finished with her schooling, and Small Sprog is entertaining girls with his impressions--it seems like only yesterday you were writing about youngsters! Looking into ourselves is often painful, but it does help us to grow. I'm glad your journey is moving on in a positive direction!

nick said...

Becoming more self-aware can be hard and can be unsettling but it's also rewarding. It's good that you're moving forward with no regrets.

SS must have quite a voice if he's liable to wake the neighbours' baby!

Anonymous said...

Good to see you are still blogging after all these years (2007?). Hope all is well in your life?

Kevin (Eternal Worrier)

Liz Hinds said...

I'm so glad your normality has been found and found to be satisfactory. I'm not sure if Small Sprog would ever come under the heading of normal though. Both your children are total delights and a credit to you.

Suburbia said...

Thanks a lot Liz :)

How are you Kevin?

Yes Nick - it was not his finest moment!

I know Rose - time flies much too quickly

Good to see you again Working Mum

Thanks so much Steve :)

It's been hard Maggie, but worth it!