Almost daily diary!

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Children

Every other Thursday evening, Husband comes round to pick up the children's stuff for the weekend. He usually comes around 6pm, takes the bag, chats to the children and then goes again. I dread it. The whole event hangs over me for the few hours between coming home with Small Sprog and when husband arrives. I find myself getting agitated and wondering why, then I remember again that his visit is imminent.

It is usually civilised, no worry there, though so much hangs between us unsaid, I guess it is best that way. Yet I still feel uneasy. Perhaps the Thursday visit just brings the inevitable Friday departure of the children a little nearer?

This weekend he has the children. We do a weekend on and weekend off rotation. By luck, for him, he has managed to get all the bank holiday weekends this year. As it's the school holidays he's taking some holiday to be with them after the weekend.

I feel really close to Small Sprog right now, more so than ever, and don't want to loose him for the weekend. Tall Girl spends more time with her Dad than Small Sprog. She protects her father, and me too, but sometimes I find it hard. I feel sometimes I loose her. She used to be all mine. Now she is not. She comes home different. She bosses her brother around, takes my place. It takes time for us all to adjust to each other when she returns.

I will say goodbye to them tomorrow morning and then not see them again until Wednesday evening. Then we will have to re adjust to being together again.

Yet all the time I know it is the same for husband. And although I resent him having them for so much of their precious week off, I know that I have them for more of the time.

Doesn't stop me not wanting to let them go though.

14 comments:

the eternal worrier is: said...

They’ll be home before you know it, try not to worry so much. x

Maggie May said...

Make sure that you don't wish your time away. Life is too short. Really.
I think everyone will adjust to this new life because it IS everyones life now.
You are in a better place than you were.......
Maggie X

Nuts in May

BS5 Blogger said...

Your humility and wider thoughtfulness is always greater than expected! Wow.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

They are very lucky to have you, lady, and all of you will adjust to this new configuration in the months to come.

Find something positive and constructive to do with the time you are alone; give yourself projects and personal goals. Spend time with friends and time all for yourself, too.

It will work out.

XOXOXO
Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Rob-bear said...

It takes time to adjust to change; the bigger the change, the more time that one needs.

All four of you are adjusting, with different outcomes.

Blessings in the "adjustment period."

Steve said...

All the more painful because so new, I suspect... hopefully in time all this will settle down into an easy routine (if indeed it ever can be easy); I guess everybody is just adjusting to their new positions.

nick said...

The constant toing and froing must be very hard to adjust to, but I guess that's the way it has to be right now. As Scarlett says, enjoy the time on your own and do things that boost your confidence and help you plan for the future.

Furtheron said...

Hopefully this will soon just be "part of the norm" of life not a big difficult event. And remember that the kids spending time with him is important for them :-)

Chic Mama said...

Oh I know that horrible feeling you are talking about.....it's like a black veil hanging around every time I have to see him. I surround myself in a strange bubble and don't even look at him but shake!
I only have to deal with this infrequently and I cannot imagine having to be away from the children for so long....and it looks as though I never will. I hope you have your man with you at these times and lots of plans. XX

Mean Mom said...

I would find it difficult, too, but it is a good thing that the children still see their father regularly. I have noticed from some of my sons' friends and past girlfriends, that some children develop problems when their parents split up and they seemingly are not even considered. Be proud that you have been able to come to this arrangement. Spoil yourself a bit while they are away!

saz said...

sub, one never wants to let them go...
my daughter hasnt been in touch, nor returned my texts in 4 wks, she is away to london today for 3 days lady gaga gig...l feel l lost her and husband together, no doubt she will return at some point...she may feel guilty having made her decision t be with him, a sit was pivotal to me and son leaving the home for the greater good..

my son is at Evolution festival this weekend staying with friends, whose parents are secretly texting me for reassurance, he is only 15...

a family friend is visiting later today after his two day stint with Larry..l feel crap and apprehensive, wondering what l will find out ....and in part missing the 'family'....l shall be my entertaining best, when really this time could be under duvet time....but someone u there is not allowing me to wallow...

l took half term off...habit of course, but now no one needs me....

thinking of you ..

saz x

Rose said...

It's understandable you don't want them to leave, but you'll adjust eventually. And this will give you some much needed time for yourself as well. As for Tall Girl, just remember she's a teenager now, so all these changes may not be due entirely to spending time with her father. As I remember, dealing with teenage daughters was much more trying than dealing with teenage sons:) Glad your meetings with Husband are civilized, though.

French Fancy said...

Well it's only right that their dad has them as well, I'm sure you'd be very upset if he did not want to see them. Having said that I do realise that this new routine will take some getting used to. Just think of all the lovely 'me' time you can have now.

Kitty said...

After my split, I thought I'd 'lost' my daughter. She had always been a mummy's girl, but suddenly wasn't anymore. It took about 2 years, before I started feeling she was 'back' and now - almost 4 years on, she is completely my girl again. Give yourselves time. x