Almost daily diary!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Looking back, Looking forwards

Gosh, seems ages since I wrote anything here, I miss it, and am not sure how I ever really got the time to write every day?

It is Wednesday already and I am simultaneously looking forward to this coming weekend and looking fondly back at the last.

Last weekend I went to a Charity Ball. We had a fab time, it was a 'Start of Summer' Ball and so aptly named. The evening was warm and sultry on arrival. We ate, drank and danced, and as I lay down outside in my posh frock at around midnight and looked up to the stars (I did not end up lying down by' accident'!) I realise how far I'd come in this last year or so. Goodness me how strange life an be.

Two years ago I was living my suburban life, expecting nothing more, trying to accept the way life had become. It felt like hard work, with little rewards. Yet how can I say that, as if the children are not a reward in themselves? However I am blessed and cursed at the same time with a mind that both looks forwards, and looks back, too much thinking...

And when I looked forwards, those two years ago, I saw the children growing, leaving, leaving and then nothing. Nothing left. Empty days spent doing things, little things that were solitary and still, that were too old for me, made me old. I saw my old age, brought on by being married to someone so much older than myself. I felt that I was missing my 'middle age', and had slipped into a perceived retirement, easy but bereft of love and closeness.

If someone had told me then, that two years hence I would be lying down in a ball gown, head in the lap of my lover on a warm and sultry May evening I would have looked in astonishment. 'That is not my life' I would have said, 'No, you are wrong, that is not how it will be for me'...

So today I am looking back to last weekend, still enjoying it's pleasure and also forward to the next which looks full of pleasantly happy and comfortable things.

I am lucky, blessed and thankful.


13 comments:

Steve said...

Good for you - may you have thousands of such happy days ahead of you! :-)

Jennysmith said...

Making me jealous again, Sub! How lovely, never been to a ball - ever. Sounds like something out of a fairy tale xxxx

Akelamalu said...

I'm glad things have worked out for you. :)

nick said...

You sound so much more cheerful and optimistic now than you were a few months ago. Long may it continue. I hope you are now discovering your missing middle age!

Elizabeth said...

HOORAY!!
you actually did it
escaped from Suburbia!

scargosun said...

Such a great mental pic! So glad you are happy!

Mean Mom said...

I am so glad for you. It's great to look forward to the rest of your life. Enjoy yourself!

Maggie May said...

I have nade up my mind that from now in I will only do things that I really want to do. Life is too short for drudgery.
Enjoy what you have and look back on it with pleasure.
Maggie X

Nuts in May

Rose said...

Sounds like a wonderful weekend, and you must have felt like Cinderella at the ball!

Lakeland Jo said...

Lovely positive post

the eternal worrier is: said...

I thought your post was going to get all steamy when I read “head in the lap of my lover” (Sorry, my mind is unclean). I’m so glad things are working out for you. The feeling of being in love with someone is what you gone through all this for. xx

saz said...

well said and yes incredible really.

saz x.

this is my patch said...

It's time for a new beginning. x