Almost daily diary!

Thursday, March 19, 2009

A phone call

My (ex) Mother in Law rang tonight, which was strange, because she rarely rings, especially midweek. Husband is away, so I couldn't hand her over to him. She is 86 and always ailing (though I suspect she will live for a long while yet!!) and for that reason, she has not been told that our marriage is over, though she will have to know sooner or later, and I am pleased that it is not I who will have to break the news.

It felt strange talking to her. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and I remember, as we drove away from her house in December, thinking that I would never visit her there again. That was even before I voiced my opinions, about ending our marriage, to Husband.

She is blissfully unaware that things are different and we had a lovely chat, or rather she nattered on, and I listened. I did so happily, she felt lonely and I was happy to be there for her. However it did feel strange. I was half thinking, whilst she was talking, how the rest of that side of the family have disowned me and would never ring to talk to me again.

She asked me where Husband was. I realised I had absolutely no idea, so I had to lie and say I'd forgotten what he'd said. In truth I didn't ask and he didn't volunteer the information. He rang to say goodnight to the children tonight. They both 'field' his calls now, I didn't speak to him.

After I put the phone down I texted him in case he wanted to call her back. I have no idea if he did.


Steve said...

This kind of interaction is quite poignant - given her age and condition your MIL is almost a child in this but one that is kept in blissful ignorance. Must put you as in a weird position to talk to her, as you say, almost leading a double life. But there is no point burdening her until you have to.

Elizabeth said...

Interesting how we form relationships with people which endure in spite of alterations with others.
I really bonded with both my son and daughter's first long-time significant others.
It was hard not to see them any more.
Thinking of you.

Kitty said...

My kids know exactly what time their dad will be calling, so they pick the phone up. If I pick it up, he sounds so surprised, as though I shouldn't be picking up my own phone in my own home. Stupid arse.

It's nice that you were able to 'be there' for your MiL. Even when you and he are separated there is no law to say you still can't be there to listen to her, should you still want to.

Take care. x

the eternal worrier said...

It’s sad that the other side of the family has disowned you (but sometimes predictable). I’m still good friends with my Ex-ish family but LW had the same experience as you. Maybe it’s a woman thing (sorry if that sounds sexist, it’s not meant to be) because you instigated the break up. LW did the same thing. Is it viewed ok for the man to do the breaking up but not the wife!? That’s wrong but sadly also predictable. Hope this comment didn’t offend. x

Rose said...

Suburbia, This shows what a caring person you are--you realized she was lonely and needed someone to listen, no matter that she will be your ex-MIL soon. Husband should be telling her what's going on! It's not fair to put you in an awkward situation like this.

Suburbia said...

Steve, I am, very much, leading a double life. Part of it is very good!

Elizabeth, if everyone can be civilised, then it is nice to keep in touch.

Thanks Kitty, it makes it 'difficult' for them doesn't it?

EW, I'm not offended at in the least, I always like to get your comments.
I think you are right too, in my case anyway.

Rose, I didn't really feel awkward. It felt a bit like turning back the clock, but I didn't mind. I know my mum feels very awkward about phoning here, which is sad.

Maggie May said...

That must be awful for you having to pretend. In view of her age & health you are probably being kind to keep it from her for now but your *husband* must tell her the truth when he feels he can. its not up to you. Glad to hear that things seem to be settling into some pattern now.

Not Waving but Drowning said...

I'm with Maggie on this. It puts an extra burden on you in that although you might enjoy your conversations, you'll need to keep fielding her questions until she actually finds out.


The Dotterel said...

Ted Hughes wrote a poem called 'Do Not Pick Up the Telephone'. Don't know if it was about his MiL, but he knew about its tyranny as well as usefulness.

nick said...

An awkward situation. As you say, all you can do is act innocent until husband (or whoever) breaks the news to her.

Jennysmith said...

Oh Sub, its almost like a double life now. No, its not your job to tell her. Its funny tho' it didn't get back to her as the rest of His family seem to know.

Hope you have a good weekend sweetie. Thinking of you xxxx

scargosun said...

Terrible for you to have to pretend but what a good heart that you have to lend her your ear for a little bit. I am going to remember this when I get a phone call from someone who is difficult to talk to .

Dori said...

I, on the other hand, wouldn't mind being disowned by my MIL. The Husband wouldn't mind being disowned by her either, for that matter! Seems strange that no one has bothered to tell her what's going on. But if she does later on disown you--it was nice to have that last pleasant conversation.

Akelamalu said...

Maybe when your MIL finds out she will still telephone you. My son and DIL split up nearly four years ago but I still treat here like my DIL because that's what she is. She's never done me any harm and I love her. :)

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Isn't it strange and surreal.

I hope it is as easy a transition for you as it can be.


Scarlett & Viaggiatore