Almost daily diary!

Sunday, March 08, 2009

Kitties always land on their feet.

I am fairly ashamed of myself for getting so low yesterday! During this strange journey, I have managed to keep fairly positive, but yesterday it all crumbled. I am worried that I was not a good mother yesterday, though Tall Girl and I had a little retail therapy and later both Small Sprog and Tall girl and I did some drawing and stuff together. But when I woke up on Saturday morning, it felt that the weekend would last forever (and I remember times when I would have given anything for that to be so), I couldn't drag myself out of that feeling and tears came too easily. It is a bit like wading through mud. Each step has to be thought about and planned, things to fill the time, things to make sure Husband and I can avoid each other.

Later in the morning he walked into the bathroom while I was just getting out of the shower. I hastily wrapped my towel around myself and scowled "What?" I was indignant, gone are the days when we all waltzed in and out of each others spaces unannounced. I wanted to say - what do you think you are doing? I am not yours any more, keep away - but it took me by surprise. Next time I will have the words ready, next time.

Thank you for all your kind words yesterday. They kept me going! Also special thanks to Dori, who pointed out that kitties always land on their feet. I shall keep that thought close.


Rose said...

With all that you have gone through and are going through, it's understandable to feel down at times. I think you have done remarkably all things considered!

I'm off for a short trip to Chicago with my best friend; you could use a girls' day out, too:)

A Woman Of No Importance said...

Burbs, I am sorry to come so late to this difficult 'party', but I just wanted to ask whether you have tried relationship counselling - Sometimes that sort of thing helps folk to come to terms with moving on in relationships, and closure in others? I have friends for whom it has worked, and at the same time, I appreciate it's not an easy step to take - I think you can just seek help yourself, if he doesn't wish to?

All my best to you, Fhina x

Letty Again said...

when the time has arrived to keep yourself covered in front of husband.....this is the time to begin a new life.

kitties do fall on their feet.

life begins again, have hope.

it doesn't rain forever.

Letty ;0)))))))))))

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

I'm breathing for you too have to get up and ready for the day..who else will?

Maggie May said...

It is only to be expected that you will have down times with what you are going through. You can't go through this without hurting.
You are a good mother, you know that.
Perfect saying that kittens always land on their feet. wish I had thought of it.

Answered your query about May Day on my post! Next time you are over my way!

BS5 Blogger said...


I don't think you should be anywhere near the word 'ashamed'.

I hope you have a happier Monday, Sub'.

BS5 x

Fi from Four Paws and Whiskers said...

It may be the right thing to do, but that does not mean you get a free ride.
Glad you are mainly ok with it all...

Steve said...

Glad you're feeling better today. When the sads come sometimes all you can do is roll with them until they pass...

the eternal worrier said...

Hey don’t feel ashamed. All the odd feelings and situations just keep coming for a while. Just as you get used to one odd situation another pops up. Bumping into the ex getting out of the shower is a classic moment. We go from not caring if they see us naked to cringing at the thought of any personal or intimate contact. Keep your spirits all takes time.

Mean Mom said...

Sorry that you're feeling a bit low at times. I suppose it's bound to happen, at the moment. Hope things improve for you!

Kitty said...

I'm sure you won't be surprised when I tell you I've been there, done that. And was met with hurtful words when I commented that I was no longer comfortable with such a situation. I think your reaction speaks volumes about how much you've 'moved on' inside yourself. I'm sure you don't even realise it yourself.

Be kind to yourself. You'll get there.


Jennysmith said...

Gosh, Sub, you have heaped such a load of guilt on yourself. Reading thru your posts I think you're an amazing mother. And even more so now for stickin by your decision. Not taking the easy option of drifting back into an indifferent marriage.

Weekends really won't seem so long in the future. you trust me don't you

And cheesy as it sounds, you are surrounded by people who love you (including here) xxxxx

nick said...

What part of "keeping ourselves to ourselves" does he not understand?

Hullaballoo said...

It's muddy, soupy, exhausting times like this, when just getting through the day is a victory in itself.


Akelamalu said...

It must be so hard, I feel for you I really do. :(

cheshire wife said...

Keep writing. I am sure that it will help.

Suburbia said...

I could Rose, it's a shame you are not nearer.

Fhina, trying that, hopeing against hope it will enable us to move on and help me extract myself.

Thanks Letty, Saz Mean Mom and Maggie :)

Thanks BS5, it was very much happier thank you.

Steve, it is hard to remember to 'roll with them' at the time, but thanks for reminding me.

Thanks EW, looking forward to your part 4, a happy ending?

Kitty, you are right, it seems to be taking forever but really I have changed so much already. I will try to be patient.

Aww, Jen, thanks :)