Despite feeling lost, this weekend was not as bad as I'd feared. Things often aren't though are they, but that knowledge doesn't always help?
Sunday was as successful as Saturday. The children and I had a peaceful morning, even though Husband did join us at the breakfast table. By 11.30 we were on the road and the day went beautifully to plan. Loads of time for Small Sprog to enjoy the hands on stuff at the Science Museum, and then a beautiful tea with one of my oldest friends. By the time we arrived home it was Small Sprogs bedtime, he was exhausted. We had all enjoyed our day (though his excitedness had caused some interesting behaviour!) and I had survived the weekend almost Husband free, despite his being constantly at home.
Today is the first day of advent, though I'm not particularly religious, I do enjoy its regularity, predictability, and its rhythms. Yesterday Tall Girl announced that she was looking forward to Christmas this year. Gosh, at least she is not worried about it being 'normal' as I am. She says she is looking forward to buying people gifts. Gosh, at last the message of giving being better than receiving, has sunk in! She is growing up.
I, on the other hand, am trying hard to make everything special, without showing that circumstances are miles away from how they should be. For a couple of days now, advent calendars have been primed and ready to go, some present buying has occurred and I am falling into the festive spirit by default.
Husband and his family have never really been the sort of people who have celebrated Christmas in a big way. His sister and her husband tend to hide away until it's all over and Husband tends to think about it the day before, moaning about the build up and the festivities before hand with annoying regularity and breathing a sigh of relief when it is all over. So it has always been my task, and indeed pleasure, to perform the rituals and traditions that my mum passed down to me. The making of cakes with a stir and a wish. Making festive decorations and food. Decorating the house, finding festive things to do, singing Christmas songs and reading Christmassy stories. It has always been part of our family Christmas.
This year it is harder, and I am itching to forge new traditions for the three of us, ones that will become part of our memories of Christmas together, when Husbands dark cloud has departed. But as always I am impatient, I must wait, sit it out until the time comes. I will still be their 'memory maker' as Saz says , it will just take time.