Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

The Memory Maker

This was in my mail this morning. It was sent from here, a blogger who I've not met before but who found me. In days like these, small kindnesses mean so much. Thank you Rob-bear.

Despite feeling lost, this weekend was not as bad as I'd feared. Things often aren't though are they, but that knowledge doesn't always help?

Sunday was as successful as Saturday. The children and I had a peaceful morning, even though Husband did join us at the breakfast table. By 11.30 we were on the road and the day went beautifully to plan. Loads of time for Small Sprog to enjoy the hands on stuff at the Science Museum, and then a beautiful tea with one of my oldest friends. By the time we arrived home it was Small Sprogs bedtime, he was exhausted. We had all enjoyed our day (though his excitedness had caused some interesting behaviour!) and I had survived the weekend almost Husband free, despite his being constantly at home.

Today is the first day of advent, though I'm not particularly religious, I do enjoy its regularity, predictability, and its rhythms. Yesterday Tall Girl announced that she was looking forward to Christmas this year. Gosh, at least she is not worried about it being 'normal' as I am. She says she is looking forward to buying people gifts. Gosh, at last the message of giving being better than receiving, has sunk in! She is growing up.

I, on the other hand, am trying hard to make everything special, without showing that circumstances are miles away from how they should be. For a couple of days now, advent calendars have been primed and ready to go, some present buying has occurred and I am falling into the festive spirit by default.

Husband and his family have never really been the sort of people who have celebrated Christmas in a big way. His sister and her husband tend to hide away until it's all over and Husband tends to think about it the day before, moaning about the build up and the festivities before hand with annoying regularity and breathing a sigh of relief when it is all over. So it has always been my task, and indeed pleasure, to perform the rituals and traditions that my mum passed down to me. The making of cakes with a stir and a wish. Making festive decorations and food. Decorating the house, finding festive things to do, singing Christmas songs and reading Christmassy stories. It has always been part of our family Christmas.

This year it is harder, and I am itching to forge new traditions for the three of us, ones that will become part of our memories of Christmas together, when Husbands dark cloud has departed. But as always I am impatient, I must wait, sit it out until the time comes. I will still be their 'memory maker' as Saz says , it will just take time.


The Dotterel said...

You know, I like Advent too, almost more than Christmas. If you don't enjoy the slow build up as December wears on, then the day itself soon passes. Unfortunately, no-one celebrates Christmas for twelve days any longer. Mores the pity!

nick said...

Sorry, can't get the image, all I get is a small cross which takes me to the Googlemail sign-in....

Must admit I find Christmas rather tedious myself, though I try not to spoil other people's fun! If you're making the most of it and husband is making the least of it, that's very off-putting. He could at least try to enter into the spirit of it for the children's sake. Hopefully next Christmas you'll be able to do things your way without his long face.

BS5 Blogger said...

Christmassy stories in bed or on the sofa sounds delightful!

You will be a fime memory maker, I am sure!

Steve said...

When times are bad the goodness is still there... remembering that has helped me capture and make the most of every pleasure available to me even during bad times.

Fat, frumpy and fifty... said...

love the festive will be fine cos thats the type of girl you are...

my bah humbug arrived today on cue....but l soldier on regardless...
I wish l lived near you and then we could drink ourselves silly on boxing day.....

xoxox Saz x

Suburbia said...

SAZ, sounds perfect, wish we were closer too.

Thanks Steve, that sounds heartfelt, but a good thing to remember.

BS5 :)

Yes Nick, I am impatient for next year, but fear I will be on the breadline then.

Dotterel, the build up is such fun especially when children are involved :)

Maggie May said...

I'm afraid the image is not available to me on my blog so I don't know what it is. Will call back later to see if it is visible.
I am struggling with Christmas this year but hope to make a mad dash and get things organised.
I like Tall Girl's priorities. You have obviously done something right..... bringing her up to want to give rather than receive.
Glad you are getting some enjoyment with the children. Your time will come.

Nuts in May

Rose said...

I'm so glad the weekend went better than you expected! I used to dread Christmas because it was such an extremely busy time for me both at work and at home--and, yes, I did all the gift-buying and decorating, too. Now that the children are grown and I'm retired, I can enjoy every bit of it. I say go ahead and start some new traditions this year!

Jennysmith said...

Yes, advent is more exciting somehow Sounded like you had a lovely Sunday, Sub. You are in my thoughts and prayers. xxx

French Fancy said...

I couldn't see what Rob had sent you but I know his blog well and I can imagine it was some comforting thing or other - he is a very wise bear, is Rob.

I like the snow falling in the background here

and for my third unrelated comment - I'm thinking of you and hoping this time next year will see you in a lovely place without all this trouble around you, with both kids cuddling up..

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Nah, you won't be on the breadline - the courts will make him contribute towards his kids, no matter what he threatens. Next year you will be breathing easy, happy, excited and free to truly enjoy yourselves. Keep the faith in how good a mother you are and how your kids are going to be so supportive because you have brought them up with good values. It seems like an endless purgatory while you wait but God it is worth it in the end. The first morning you wake up in your own home is priceless. Happy festive season.

Letty said...

you are doing fine, in very difficult and emotional circumstances.

I used to worry that I was not "creating" enough good memories for my three, especially Christmas time.

I needn't have worried, it seems on talking to them now as adults, well the youngest is 21 now, they all remember their childhood with fond memories and laughter, and love.

Everything takes time, right enough.

It is just we are not, as humans, very patient.

Let it all wash over you, and keep the faith! Things will get better.

Letty x

Marvin -The Hollow Hound said...

oh I could not see it either, sorry I was busy reading then realised I could not see "it".

A Memory Maker - I like that phrase!

Although in my experience, memories, sparkley ones especially, just happen.

I wish you happiness. Happiness is such a funny thing, you can't see it, or touch it, but you know when you have it.

Letty x