Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Anyway, yesterday I spent a lovely lunchtime with Liz from 'Finding life hard'. It was great to see her and strange at the same time. How often do you meet someone for the first time, yet know so much about them, much of it quite personal? She was just as I expected, quietly spoken, kind and caring. I enjoyed meeting her very much, and it made me think again, how keeping this online diary has affected my life in so many ways. Thank you Liz.
Other news: This week, at work, I have to dress up as a dwarf (as in 'Snow White and the'.....) It won't be easy being a dwarf at 5' 10'' and a bit. It is the same day I have a solicitors appointment to start the ball rolling regarding a divorce. Do you think I need to take a change of clothes to work?!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
On Friday night I fed curry to some of my close girlfriends, well they fed themselves obviously, I just cooked it! It turned out to be a much later night than I thought it would be, with just a little more wine consumed than would have been sensible. I reveled in the pleasure of being in a room full of close friends.
Mum turned up yesterday lunchtime. She came armed with flowers from her garden and some leftover cake! We had plenty of time to sit around and chat, which was good, mostly because she wasn't in a worrying mood. She will only come now if I can guarantee that Husband will not be here. She won't phone here either. I can't quite get the reason for that out of her, but it seems a shame.
She babysat the children last night, so that I could go out, which was kind of her and a rather lovely evening for me.
And today? Well, mum has gone, and the children's friends have just called for them, so they have both gone out to play. I'm pleasingly home alone. Husband will be home this evening and the feeling of freedom will disipate slowly throughout the afternoon, but for now I shall make the most of my time. I think I shall take my book into the garden and relax in the sun. You can bet the moment I sit down, though, that the children will be back and wanting food!
How was your weekend?
Thursday, March 26, 2009
The waiting room was almost full and my heart sank. Small Sprog is not good at waiting. I had no need to worry though. We had no hope of being the center of attention today, that honour was going to go to another mother, the mummy of 3 boys !
Her eldest, who was probably about 9, was sitting on the floor trying to do, what looked like, homework. He was being quiet and good. His brother, perhaps about 7, had a colouring book and a huge tub of felt tip pens (gosh, she must pack for every occasion, I thought) However he was not happy. He wanted to write not draw. "Use the back of the colouring book" said The Patient Mother. "Noooooo" came the reply. He wanted to have 'proper paper' like his brother.
While she was fielding this situation the youngest brother, who was sitting on her lap, was shouting "It doesn't work, it doesn't work!" At the top of his voice and brandishing his Nintendo dangerously in front of his mothers face, his legs kicking furiously and only missing oldest brothers nose by a hairs breadth.
"Use the back of the colouring book" She quietly repeated as middle son scowled at her. She tried to sooth youngest son. The 7 year old then took matters into his own hands and ripped a sheet of paper from his eldest brothers homework book! "Mummmm!" Shouted older brother, and so on......
I couldn't help but stare incredulously, I tried really hard not to, I mean, well, we've all been there; Grumpy children, tired and end of dayish, small room and ages to wait. And I wasn't staring with disapproval, no not at all, it was fascinating! The Patient Mother had a serene, almost saintly, look about her, I was agog. She was unruffled and cool as a cucumber. How did she mange it? As mothers, at one time or another, it has happened to us all and I have to say, I don't think people had ever stared at me, in a similar situation, for my serene looks and saintliness!!
Sadly, not long after we sat down, she was called to room 2. She picked up youngest son with one arm and rammed things in a bag with the other, at the same time she asked middle son to put all his pens away and older son to pick up his homework, whilst simultaneously herding all three boys towards the treatment room door. She managed admirably. In fact she ought to have had a medal for her stress free performance. How did she do it?
Suddenly, I realised my jaw had dropped open. I closed it rapidly, just as Small Sprog began to wail "Mummm, I'm bored!"
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
For quite a while now I have been sleeping in the attic room, here in suburbia. I am happy up there, it is light, airy and spacious, although it is damn chilly sometimes. However over the last few weeks, the mornings have been getting lighter and the birds have been getting noisier. Now I quite like most birds, most of them.....except Wood Pigeons (and Collared Doves).
Lets take Wood Pigeons, nasty things, nasty habits and even nastier is their incessant noise. When I was little my mum told me that they say "My toe hurts Betty". It was quite funny when I was young. However it is the sort of phrase, that when you know it, you can't forget. So now, here I am, years later, being woken up in the morning by bloody Wood Pigeons complaining about their toes. Not just them, but the Doves have a shortened version. Apparently they have no friend called Betty.
They wear boots too. You can hear them. They thump across the roof, just above my head at 5.30 in the morning, with absolutely NO consideration for those that may still be sleeping. You can tell by the pace that they are running, I mean, for goodness sake, they have wings! What is the point of running if you have wings? Stupid birds.
And then there's the constant copulation (them obviously, not me) and the way they feed their babies. Have you ever seen them do that? The babies just thrust their scrawny little heads down the adults throat. Ewww! They really are nasty birds!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
However today I lost count of how many teachers I saw with Tall Girl. It was all a bit of a 'bun fight' and I could have done with sharpening my elbows a bit before arriving because the hot seating took skill and judgment, but if all else failed then elbows would have done just fine! Obviously we had appointment times, however some teachers didn't have enough slots, so they encouraged you to 'fit in any gaps'. Easier said than done in a hall full of similarly minded doting parents!
Anyway, to cut a very long evening short, all was well and we saw more teachers than we had appointments for. They were all very positive and lovely people. I was so pleased to see how much respect they had for Tall Girl, which obviously leads to a mutual response. Their positive feed back to us and to her made us all feel very proud. She is a very shy person and doesn't have a lot of confidence in her abilities (damn dyslexia) she needed the boost of being publicly praised for her work. However all her teachers commented that her target for next term must be to put up her hand.
As we walked out of school towards the car, I mused that if I could get a very long stick down the sleeve of her school jumper tomorrow morning, (providing she could get on the bus in that condition) then she would successfully reach all her targets in one day, leading to a huge achievement and maybe even some sort of award ceremony!
Needless to say, she didn't find it funny.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
How was your Mothers Day?
Friday, March 20, 2009
We gathered in Single Mothers kitchen on arrival and proceeded to discuss a plethora of subjects, ranging from spots (our own), underarm hair (our children's), hormones (most of us), waxing( V's other methods), to washing(clothes), adolescence(our off springs), laying patios(well there were workmen in the garden), laying turf(they was quite fit), and furry willies (you have to have seen the e mail to appreciate that one, thank you Kitty!)
Single Mother of Two filled the kettle and then opened the cake box.
"Mmmmmmm" we all chorused!
"It's rhubarb and custard Swiss roll" She trilled
"Ooooh!" Everyone replied
"Not just any Swiss roll then?!"
We stared at it for a while.
After she poured the tea, we 'retired' to the comfy chairs and the sofa. Single mum offered the cake. We all took a slice each and bit into it in unison.
These are the noises of appreciation of the perfection that is a sunny afternoon with tea and cake and good friends.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
It felt strange talking to her. I haven't seen her since Christmas, and I remember, as we drove away from her house in December, thinking that I would never visit her there again. That was even before I voiced my opinions, about ending our marriage, to Husband.
She is blissfully unaware that things are different and we had a lovely chat, or rather she nattered on, and I listened. I did so happily, she felt lonely and I was happy to be there for her. However it did feel strange. I was half thinking, whilst she was talking, how the rest of that side of the family have disowned me and would never ring to talk to me again.
She asked me where Husband was. I realised I had absolutely no idea, so I had to lie and say I'd forgotten what he'd said. In truth I didn't ask and he didn't volunteer the information. He rang to say goodnight to the children tonight. They both 'field' his calls now, I didn't speak to him.
After I put the phone down I texted him in case he wanted to call her back. I have no idea if he did.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
He is in a chatty mood. I need him to clean his teeth and get his shoes on, ready for school. He is in the mood to sit there until his legs go numb!
"Nothing you will ever have to worry about my sweet" I giggle "You could poo for England!" I'm sure he poos out more than goes in, if you know what I mean!
"But I heard you telling Tall Girl she might get constipated"
"Yes, that's because she eats junk and doesn't drink enough" I retort "One day we'll turn up at the bus stop to pick her up and there will just be a pile of dust on the pavement because she's completely dehydrated!" At least that would cure the constipation, I thought to myself!
"Oh, just hurry up"!!!!!!
Monday, March 16, 2009
It has been a beautiful spring day here today and I have savoured it all. It seems such a very long time since the sun shone its warmth on to my skin, there is so much to look forward to. I do hope it will be a good summer.
PS. What noise do goats make? (live ones obviously, cooked ones are fairly quiet!)
Do they bleat, baa or something else entirely?
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Perhaps that is why I completely 'lost it' tonight. I became very angry and shouted at Husband, he shouted too. I surprised myself at how much anger just spilt over, I don't know where it came from, years worth of it I guess. I don't usually do that sort of thing, though of late it seems to spring up too easily. Small Sprog was in earshot, though not in the same room. I am ashamed of myself, he was very hurt to hear us. He said he didn't love mummy or daddy anymore. The mediation woman said that would happen, that the children would feel anger about their parents splitting up. I cuddled him, told him I loved him and that none of it was his fault. He said if we split up he would run away, he is trying his best to make everything right in the way that he wants it to be. I suggested to him that sometimes, when parents live separately, they are much happier and don't argue anymore, I'm not sure he understood. Then I left him to play, that is what he wanted. Husband went out.
At tea time Tall Girl was back. I explained to her what had happened, that we argued and Small Sprog got upset, though he was indignant that I told her, but I wanted her to know the score, I'm not sure what they share together. By this time Small Sprog was back to his normal self again and so was I. But it is all under the surface, always there, for me and possibly him too. I settled down to play a little Mario Kart and some Starwars with him, (very badly!) then, before long, it was bedtime. We read together in bed and laughed a bit. Did that make up for the hurt? It has been another emotional roller coaster of a day.
Although I missed my bloggyversary this month I have not overlooked the fact that one year ago today, I ‘met’ a special bloggy friend through a comment about ‘the Appliance of Science’ (washing machines)! You know who you are; it has been an interesting and pleasurable journey so far.
Monday, March 09, 2009
Something has changed, lots of things have changed, but I think the most important thing is the fact that I am no longer reliving the past, but am looking forward to the future, sometimes with trepidation, but looking forward nevertheless, whatever it brings.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Later in the morning he walked into the bathroom while I was just getting out of the shower. I hastily wrapped my towel around myself and scowled "What?" I was indignant, gone are the days when we all waltzed in and out of each others spaces unannounced. I wanted to say - what do you think you are doing? I am not yours any more, keep away - but it took me by surprise. Next time I will have the words ready, next time.
Thursday, March 05, 2009
This week Small Sprog lamented his age! He said he didn't want to grow up, he likes the age he is now. I remember, when I was younger, feeling that I never wanted to get any older. I wanted everything thing to always stay the same, so I understand how he feels, but I have the knowledge that big things will change in his life at some point soon, and I wonder to myself how he will cope.
On the other hand Tall Girl has just become a 'woman', if you get my drift! A whole new part of her life ahead of her and she seems to be taking it all in her stride. (Now I understand what all the tears were about at the beginning of the week!)
I was talking to a work colleague today, who is going through a rough patch with her children. We came to a conclusion that when you are little, younger, you believe that eventually life will be perfect. As time goes on, you realise that the perfect bits are interspersed with difficult bits, but that this is just how things are.
Life has dealt me quite a complicated hand right now, and it is full of huge problems but also some very good things that I thought would never cross my path again. I am grateful. This is life, the rough and the smooth, I just seem to be experiencing them both together at the moment!
PS, take no notice of the photo, it is to prove I can do buses AND tractors (BS5)!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
Tall Girl endures a 45 minute bus journey to school and back every day. It has become a happy part of her routine (after a bit of a rough start) and there have been some lovely friendships made along the way. However the bus, itself, is not entirely the best bus in the world!
Apparently it has no heating, the seats are damp, there is moss growing on the inside of the windows and there are never enough seats (it also has no ears to speak of!). I have tried to speak to her on her mobile, several times, while she has been on this journey. It is almost impossible to hear anything at all, the whole bus is always in constant up roar, and they seem to have regular food fights upstairs. For all this excitement and luxury the bus costs me £20 a week.
Today she reported that the bus stopped abruptly on the main road, almost ricocheting them through the front window. Tall Girl thought they had hit something. The driver (who is so huge, it is a miracle that he fits into the bus at all) loped out and lifted up the bonnet (can you call it a bonnet when it is on a bus? Is the engine in the back? She didn't say, and being of the female variety, that sort of information is not at my finger tips!) Anyway, apparently he fiddled around a bit and eventually they were on their way again. Much booing ensued I think!
When I picked her up from the bus stop today we followed the poor old crippled thing down the hill. It's a dirty old bus. It has a very unkempt appearance, it's blue and yellow livery strips, look retouched by hand, and the whole thing appears to list gently to the right. I wonder, briefly, how old it actually is, if buses need MOT's and whether, given the opportunity, it would take itself quietly off to a little bus scrap yard somewhere by the sea for a well earned retirement.
OMG, I have just blogged about buses! Well I guess it has been a very trying day.
Monday, March 02, 2009
Tomorrow morning Husband and I have a counseling/mediation appointment (the imminent prospect bringing on the rapid disappearance of a small bar of chocolate just now!). It will be interesting to see how that goes. I am hoping that it will help him come to terms with the current situation and that it may bring about some progress. Perhaps.
Right now I am attempting to arrange more pleasant things to keep me going over the next week or so.
Sunday, March 01, 2009
However a family outing was not avoided altogether. Sunday dawned bright and blue, so we went out for a walk together. The walk has the added bonus of a cafe at the end, which also acts as a sweetener for the children! We haven't walked this way for a long time. It seemed strange to all be together at the weekend, it has been 4 weeks since we have been so. The day was beautiful, there was lots to be thankful for but I felt a little numb and apart from things. My head was full of things I couldn't discuss with the children, I felt an outsider in my own territory.
At the cafe the children were particularly difficult with each other. Small Sprog wanted things he couldn't have (I could identify with that one!) and sulked a bit. Husband nagged Tall Girl and she sulked too! Were they picking up on my mood, or was it just that sort of day? I longed to be somewhere else, I felt trapped and I found it hard to concentrate on the present.
By the time we arrived home again there was still quite a bit of afternoon left. How slowly the day had passed. The nit children were out on their bikes, so the children were delighted to join them. That, of course left just Husband and myself in the house together. We are strangers together, skirting about each other, marking time. I felt that I was wasting time actually, just waiting for it to pass until the weekend was over. How mad is that?
So, I pulled myself together and made cake! I remember that my mum always baked when she needed something to cheer herself up. It sort of works, well, at least it passed the time, and the house smells wonderful!
What did you do to pass the time this weekend?