Almost daily diary!

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Merry Christmas Bloggy mates!

I don't think I've ever managed to post on Christmas Day but that's probably got something to do with never having spent Christmas Day alone before!

It was a challenge. At first, a few months ago, I was devastated at the prospect of not being with the children for Christmas. However I have pulled myself together and got over it! I had invites, but decided to 'sit it out' here, just me and the cat. It felt like a sort of a challenge that had to be met.

My best friend wrote to me earlier this week and said I could turn up any time to join her and her huge family Christmas, she knows me well and knew better than I did the potential for negative thoughts to pervade the day.

However, I am proud and pleased to say I have had a wonderful day alone- well almost -the cat left a parcel of vomit under the kitchen table for me - so good of him to share - and then off we went into the day! It's not been very Christmassy but then I have done that twice already this week, once with mum yesterday - usual routine - and also Monday with the children - a new event but felt like Christmas Day and we had a brilliant time. And then yesterday I spent with a new family, how odd life can be.

So now I know why I had be here alone. I had to prove to myself that I could. No negative thoughts have penetrated my internal well being and peace, I needed this, I can do it and it's great. I was going to write that I don't know how I found the strength but perhaps that's not really true. I have been taking a counselling certificate course since September. It has been an amazing journey - a huge emotional rollercoaster, but an extraordinary journey all the same and it has given me the strenght I think, to know myself and to at last be peaceful.

This year has been amazing. Most of it, sadly, not documented here but the growth and change have been enormous - the last leg of the journey that I started when I left the family home - metamorphosis complete? No, just a bit more of the exciting journey travelled.

I am so very grateful for the strength to keep forging forwards. I am grateful for the love of close ones. For the amazing opportunities I have had this year and grabbed with both hands - things that this time last year, I had never dreamed of.

And this is why life is such an amazing adventure, you never know what is around the corner, and although it could be good or bad - the best bit is the living. While writing here I looked up a few dates, it was here that I started this road to change. It felt right then and it still feels right now - no matter that the children are with their dad and I am alone, regrets - absolutely none. Prospects -huge. Peace and fulfilment - abundant for now. And a partner - yes of course, who'd have thought it?

Merry Christmas 
Who did you spend yours with?


Maggie May said...

Merry Christmas!
I'm really pleased that things are working out well for you.
Spent Christmas Day with my daughter and grandsons and of course, Harry. We had a good day and Harry said it was the best Christmas ever.......
Granddaughters were with their Mum this time round.

Sorry you had to spend it alone, but as you said, it was a learning curve which we will all have to overcome at some point. It is a good feeling when you overcome something that seemed scary.
Anyway, you had good times before hand.

Maggie x

Steve said...

Glad you had a great Christmas... long may the goodness follow you into the New Year.

Rose said...

Merry Christmas, Suburbia! Sorry you had to spend Christmas alone, but it sounds like you made the best of the day. My husband and I spent the day alone, too, butthe kids and grandkids were here Christmas Eve until late--our family tradition--so a day of relaxing felt good. Glad to hear you are doing well and feeling so upbeat--wishing you another great year ahead!

Looking for Blue Sky said...

Well done! I expected to have to spend Christmas alone at some point, but it hasn't happened yet, and I always had plans, just in case. I spent Christmas Day with my children, but no adult company, apart from my 22 year old and my friends on Facebook. But many days are like that, and I'm getting used to it, and sometimes I even resent interruptions from the rest of the world!

Liz Hinds said...

That was brave - and wise. You've come a long way, baby (I'm sure those are the lyrics of a song by someone or other ...)

Here's to a truly excellent, extravagant and exciting 2015! xx

nick said...

That's great that you spent a very happy Christmas Day alone without feeling that you were missing out or you were some kind of freak. I've spent Christmas on my own a few times and it wasn't so bad. Spending too much time with relatives you don't get on with can be much worse. I hope you have a really great 2015 with as many exciting opportunities as you had in 2014.

auntiegwen said...

Glad you had a good one, here's to exciting times in 2015 x

Rob said...

Well, aren't you just the courageous soul. Well done, Mom! Christmas on your own.

I hope 2015 is a wonderful year for both of us, and your kids, too.

Blessings and Bear hugs!