Almost daily diary!

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Looking forwards and back again.

The children will be home tonight. Not too late? I asked Husband, though I could feel him bristle, all the way up to the satellite connection and back again, as I said it. Well, I mean, it is 'back to school' tomorrow, and I know they'll be tired. He says they will be back at 5pm. That is much later than I thought they would be, but seeing as I am not in control, there's not much I can do about it. They have had beautiful weather to be by the sea and I know they have spent a lot of time on the beach. I hope that they have not missed me. Is that the right thing to hope?
It is back to normality for me too later. I have been living a different life while they have been away. It has been fine and easy and full of wonderful moments that have made me happy. I have thought about the children and texted and spoken to them too, but I have not missed them very much. I know that I would have missed them terribly if I had been at home alone, without them, but as I have been away too, it has been peculiarly easy.

As I am writing this, I am wondering what the next week will bring. Husband wants to talk seriously about next steps, which is necessary, but it will be hard emotionally. He also wants to spend next weekend together as a family. All four of us, doing something together (I did manage to get him to almost agree to just one day on the weekend, I hope that still stands). We have not had a family day out for months, and he thinks it will be good for the children. I'm not sure if it will send them mixed messages? I am dreading it in a way. I know some of it will be fun, I love doing stuff with Tall Girl and Small Sprog, but I have no desire to rekindle past memories with Husband or to feel regretful. So it is with trepidation that I am looking forwards to the coming week, and I am, as all to often at the moment, looking behind at what has gone before with fondness, and trying not to be sad that it has passed, but thankful that it has occurred at all.
PS, Fi has passed on this lovely award. Thank you so much Fi.



I would like to pass it on to The Eternal Worrier, Jenn, and Kitty.

17 comments:

Maggie May said...

That seems to be a very difficult thing to do.... a weekend/ day as a family.
Glad you have had a happy time away and that you know the children had a good time too, as you contacted them.
The weather has been very agreeable, hasn't it?
Back to normal next week.

Elizabeth said...

Sending you strength!

Rose said...

So glad you had a great time this weekend, Suburbia! I'm sure the children missed you, but it was good for them to have some time with their dad, especially if it was a fun holiday. A family outing for all four of you this weekend? Hmm, I think that sounds awkward, too...maybe you can talk him into just an afternoon.

Maybe you could also invite Small Sprog's new girl/boy friend along:) That was hilarious!

Letty said...

Difficult times, and difficult decisions to be made.

I hope somehow you get through the next week.

Much love, Letty :0)
Who has (for a change!) no real advice to give except for friendship and kind hopes for you)

Letty Again said...

btw think possibly you are right to just want one day, as opposed to a whole weekend, in your present frame of mind, think a weekend would be just tooooooooo darn long to spend with him.

see, I can't resist poking my nose in and having my say.............

just re read your post though!

Letty ;0)

BS5 Blogger said...

Elegant indeed...

Hullaballoo said...

Well done you for going away and making the weekend as good an experience as possible. Sending hugs.

Kitty said...

I think what you are doing is all you can do. Do something as a family, whilst you still can, and in the hope that you will still be able to in the future too, when things have settled down more. The children will only get mixed messages if your behaviour towards him is different to that which they now expect. Showing them how to be civil and friendly will, I'm sure, stand them in very good stead.

Good luck with it all. As I type, they should be back, and you will be happily hearing about their time away.

Take care. x

nick said...

A family day could be a bit tricky, possibly giving mixed messages as you say. Somehow you have to make it clear that a day together doesn't mean business as usual but just coming together to give the kids an enjoyable day out.

Jennysmith said...

sweetie, it sounds like he's really barking up the wrong tree. What good would a family day out be? Glad you've got it down to one day but i'm sure he'll see its a dead horse or whatever the expression is.

Love to you, my friend xxxx

Suburbia said...

BS5, not a docker in sight?!!!

the eternal worrier said...

Very kind. Keep your spirits up, it will all work out in the end.

Susan said...

Suburbia~I know that I have been MIA but my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family right now. Stay strong!

Suburbia said...

Kitty, thank you for your wise advice :)

MissKris said...

Oh my...just finally finding some time to come visit because of my faulty internet connections lately. What has transpired?!? I hope to find a window of time tonite to come back and do some major reading and catch-up if my stupid computer will cooperate! I will definitely keep you in my prayers, dear one. Oh, how Life can fall apart at times! But there is a silver lining in every cloud that passes over, somewhere. Hugs to you, and loving thoughts as well. ((((((((((HUG))))))))))

Jennysmith said...

Bless you sweetie. what a lovely surprise and gesture. And guess what? it did cheer me up , especially on this nowhere Monday early afternoon. xxxxx

Kitty said...

Awwww, thanks for that lovely heart badge Burby - I'm going to display it with pride! xxx