Almost daily diary!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Take the rough with the smooth.

Yesterday, the children and I spent the day in my home town, with my mum. It was one of the nicest days we have all spent together for ages. We arrived early, just in time to walk the dog, and left late.

Walking the dog is always a treat! We all mill about, walk together and then apart, chat and relax together. Mum is slower now and I have to adjust my pace, the children walk faster than they used to too and it is all a bit stop start, with Tall Girl chasing after the dog, to stop it eating the remains of yet another discarded takeaway!

After a while Tall Girl and mum decided to walk slowly back, while I took Small Sprog to play with his basket ball. He was on good form and we spent ages playing together. The weather was springlike and all felt right with the world.

Indeed, a very small miracle happened later on at mums house.

My stepfather, who has never been good with children (and I include myself as a child in that statement!), played with Small Sprog for the first time! It has taken 9 years but I am not complaining. They built a model robot together. It was not planned. Small Sprog wanted to take the kit to mums house, and I was going to use my limited girl skills to help him build it. Perhaps he knew I wasn't up to it!! However he managed to get his 'Pop' to help him and it was lovely to see. I am amazed and grateful and happy. It was a good day..........

....Which has brought today into sharp contrast.

Husband is struggling with how things are between us. He wants to mend it. I know that, for me, it is broken beyond repair. Most weeks in January he 'needed' to discuss something to do with the situation, but he has calmed down, so there has not been too much emotion flying around recently. Therefore this morning took me completely by surprise. We had almost 3 hours of discussion, which mostly went around in circles because of the impasse that we have found ourselves in. Each time this happens I see little bits more of what I want to live without. Having said that, it is hard to stay strong, almost as hard as seeing that someone is hurting, and that I seem to be the cause, which in turn means that I can't be the one to provide comfort. None of this is doing him any good, we so need to come to an agreement on how to proceed but he cannot accept the outcome.


Letty - A Little Girl With A Curl said...

I am glad your Stepfather began to help Small Sprog, sometimes men just cannot relate to very small children, in my experience.

Sadly, my father in law was in this league, and even more sadly, he never found out, like your Stepfather did yesterday, how joyful young childrerns company can be. TBH he called my middle son, "The Boy" for most of his young life, which did not endear him to anyone in this family!! Not least middle son!

I think it must be so difficult for you at the moment with all this upheaval, I hope once you can manage to settle "stuff" amicably the stress will ease.

Interesting where you say "each time this happens I see little bits more of what I want to live without", imho, this sentence of yours says it all!

I hope things get better soon and something can be resolved, decided, clear cut and done and dusted. Indecision is horrible for all affected I would think.

Letty ;0) Who means well, and I hope I am not too intrusive with my comments. Just tell me to shut up and mind my own business if you think I am any time!

So glad you had a good day away yesterday, dog walking should be prescribed for stress I think! ;0))))

Suburbia said...

Not at all Letty, I always enjoy reading your comments :-)

Mean Mom said...

How lovely that your stepfather and Small Sprog were able to enjoy something together! Glad that you had a good day.

What a difficult situation you are all in at the moment. I wish that I had some words of wisdom, but I don't unfortunately. Rightly or wrongly, it doesn't sound as if your husband saw this coming and I suppose it is only natural that he wants to explore all avenues before accepting what you see as inevitable. Perhaps, after your long talk, this morning, he is now convinced. I do hope that your situation is resolved very soon.

Maggie May said...

Glad that Small Sprog got on so well with your step father. Sounds as though you all had a happy time together.
Sorry about the way you felt when you got home.
Husband will probably take longer to get used to things and I know that it isn't the best thing to be under the one roof when you feel like this. Not sure what you DO do in a situation like this. Maybe some outside advice?

Jennysmith said...

Lovely post, Sub. No, I remember my Dad who never really played with me and Brother, taught Son how to throw a ball and Daughter how to jummp off the sofa(?). It was really touching to see.

Poor sweetie, can't he see your mind is made up? And like you say, he's not really helping his cause or yours. Glad you're not "wavering".

thinking of you xxxx

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

Wow... Suburbia.

I made it back just in time. Sorry about that MIA bit.

It's time to go.

Do not drag it out. You are done, there is no fixing or mending it. Nothing he says can change your mind.

A lady always knows when to leave, and lady, it is time.

Swift and complete is best. A clean cut. That heals faster and hurts less, and it sounds like he's the one that will be hurting the most here. Don't stay around out of guilt and stretch it out longer; that's just torture.

You are ready.
So go.

Go now.

But keep your computer nearby.

Much love and huge hugs to you.
HUGE hugs. If I could give them in person, then I would.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

Kitty said...

I know just what you mean about feeling bad for being the one causing hurt, but being unable to offer support and comfort for that hurt. It would be horribly misinterpreted. Just don't forget all the other hurts - the ones that you suffered and hid in times gone by.

A day at a time. Take care. x

Steve said...

So tough... so very tough. It sounds like you both could use some space - youwillingly and he less so but I actually think he needs it more. Space and time to get some of the emotion out and do some thinking / crying / shouting without the risk of hitting people with the shrapnel. Easier said than done I know. I feel for you.

Suburbia said...

I think he does Steve, thanks for your thoughts.

You always put it in perspective Kitty, thanks :)

Scarlett, if it wasn't for the children I would have been gone long ago.

Thanks Jen, How are you?

I so need to sort that out Maggie, thank you for your sensibleness!

Mean Mom, it will take time I think.

nick said...

If husband still can't accept how you feel, I guess all you can do is keep reiterating it until he finally accepts the situation. Unfortunately as long as you're still living under the same roof, that probably encourages him to think your mind isn't entirely made up. Physical separation would obviously give him a clearer message.

Anonymous said...

I am glad you are finding a way to communicate, even if it feels like you are going round in circles.

Liz said...

Building a model robot is a veyr manly thing to do though isn't it? So as SS grows there will probably be more and mreo things that pop will be able to enjoy with him.

AS for husband. So sad for both of you. I hope the time away with the children will help him to find strength to move on so you can both find happiness.