Yesterday, the children and I spent the day in my home town, with my mum. It was one of the nicest days we have all spent together for ages. We arrived early, just in time to walk the dog, and left late.
Walking the dog is always a treat! We all mill about, walk together and then apart, chat and relax together. Mum is slower now and I have to adjust my pace, the children walk faster than they used to too and it is all a bit stop start, with Tall Girl chasing after the dog, to stop it eating the remains of yet another discarded takeaway!
After a while Tall Girl and mum decided to walk slowly back, while I took Small Sprog to play with his basket ball. He was on good form and we spent ages playing together. The weather was springlike and all felt right with the world.
Indeed, a very small miracle happened later on at mums house.
My stepfather, who has never been good with children (and I include myself as a child in that statement!), played with Small Sprog for the first time! It has taken 9 years but I am not complaining. They built a model robot together. It was not planned. Small Sprog wanted to take the kit to mums house, and I was going to use my limited girl skills to help him build it. Perhaps he knew I wasn't up to it!! However he managed to get his 'Pop' to help him and it was lovely to see. I am amazed and grateful and happy. It was a good day..........
....Which has brought today into sharp contrast.
Husband is struggling with how things are between us. He wants to mend it. I know that, for me, it is broken beyond repair. Most weeks in January he 'needed' to discuss something to do with the situation, but he has calmed down, so there has not been too much emotion flying around recently. Therefore this morning took me completely by surprise. We had almost 3 hours of discussion, which mostly went around in circles because of the impasse that we have found ourselves in. Each time this happens I see little bits more of what I want to live without. Having said that, it is hard to stay strong, almost as hard as seeing that someone is hurting, and that I seem to be the cause, which in turn means that I can't be the one to provide comfort. None of this is doing him any good, we so need to come to an agreement on how to proceed but he cannot accept the outcome.