Husband dropped a bombshell last week. He is taking the children away for the end of half term by himself. He is going to his sisters holiday cottage in Cornwall. I am not invited.
I struggled with this for quite a few days. My children, going on holiday without me. A thing that has never happened before. But if I insist on the course of action that I have chosen, it is bound to happen isn't it? I am asking and wanting to live a life without Husband. I would never stop him seeing his children, so, holidays alone are inevitable eventually aren't they?
Therefore I am resigned. I have thought it over and I am fine with it now, just about.
However he is asking me to plan and pack for them, not just clothes but all the stuff you need for a self-catering break away. Toys, games, food........
This is a strange thing for me to do, I am having to pack for possibilities that won't include me. But I have had to sort it out in my head, and I have, I think having already made a start. He says he has no concept of how this is difficult for me. How strange. Though I did wonder if it was done more to hurt me than anything else, but perhaps I should not presume.
Yesterday he said that he hadn't asked me to go with them because his sister had said that she didn't want me in her holiday home. I thought that was odd (hurtful too). Apparently SIL and her husband are very upset that I want to leave my marriage. You would have thought, though, that they would have wanted me to holiday with Husband and the children wouldn't you, perhaps seeing it as an opportunity to rekindle an ailing relationship? You'd think for the childrens sake, they would put their feelings about me to one side? Or that Husband would not obediently do their bidding?
Don't get me wrong. I have wrestled with the thought of being without the children over the last week and would love to be with them but on the other hand I am very glad I have not had to go. I don't want to spend the time with Husband, it would be too close for comfort. It is also an opportunity for things to play out the way they will in the future. It will be difficult but necessary.
Strange days indeed.