Before I left on Friday night I tried to impart information about the children that I thought he ought to know. He had been away Thursday night and I felt as though I needed to put him in the picture.Tall Girl had been poorly and off school for a day and a half, Small Sprog had a bucket load of homework to do (Tall Girl had avoided most of hers because she had been away from school) along with is thank you letters to start and guitar practice to do too. Tall girl had some pick-me-ups from the chemist that I thought husband should know about. I wrote it down and tried to impart. I was ignored. It had the desired effect, I was annoyed. I kept calm, on the outside! At least I had left a list of all the childrens things that needed to be done, from years of experience of living with him, I knew that even if he listened, he would not remember.
So when I came home tonight, with a heavy heart, I was not surprised that some of the homework was unfinished, none of the letters were written and, as always, nothing had been done in the house other than cook and wash up. It turns out Tall Girl cooked tonight too, bless her.
I try not to let it get to me, I'm sure husband does it on purpose. Now I will be the one who has to 'crack the whip' to get Small Sprog to finish all his jobs.
I know that when we live in different houses, I won't know that the childrens clothes are not washed, the beds are not changed and the toys are not put away. I will be in happy ignorance, I can't wait. Right now it annoys me beyond belief!
Meanwhile, as I come home with the sole purpose to see my two children, he does his level best to engage them in things that keep them from me. This too will change, the situation is temporary, but it is annoying and sad all at the same time. Small Sprog is whisked off to bed by husband, who then takes far longer than necessary reading a story so that I don't get much time with Small Sprog myself. It is all done for effect, it is hard to ignore.
When Tall Girls bedtime comes along, husband has her in his room with the door shut for ages. She is late to bed. Again.
The arrangement, when we are separated, will be that husband picks up both children after school on Friday night and drops them to me early Tuesday morning. There will be no handover in my house or his, just a quick drop off at the front door in the morning before husband goes to work. All the inconveniences of now will not be possible, there may be others then, but right now I don't want to think about what those might be!
I am sorry to rant. He is a selfish and bitter man, I have added to his bitterness, I cannot wait to escape. Home, here in suburbia, is in such contrast to the peaceful time that was mine this weekend. I am SO grateful for the time away that I have had.
14 comments:
Perhaps in time the children will help to make a bridge between you both. You will have a new routine and so will he and it could be that he will begin to realise how unreasonable he was in the build up to the separation.
Perhaps one day you will be, if not exactly friends, then two reasonable people able to shake hands and agree that you both did things you regretted.
At least you have your SO and therefore a bolt hole from all of this.
Makes me mad just reading this so I can only imagine how YOU must feel.
I guess the children will work out what is what & who does what...... but only get it in perspective when they are much older.
I really hope that you don't have to put up with this arrangement for much longer. Maggie X
Nuts in May
I am glad you have the sense of perspective about it and rationalise that these things are deliberately done to impede your happiness. On to broad sunlit plains soon, Sub'!
Your husband, for all he is undoubtedly in as much emotional pain and turmoil as you are, strikes me as a very selfish and childish man who does things for his own emotional gratification rather than for the greater good. I hope you don't have to suffer it for much longer.
The sooner you're both living your own lives and there isn't this constant tug-of-war and manoeuvring going on, the better. But I can see the children's time with husband is going to be pretty disorganised and lackadaisical.
I can't really add much to what has been said already!! I've been through a parents divorce and it's only when your older that you can look back and see who did what!! You will get a reward for this....it may take time...but you will!! (Hold that thought!!)
*Hugs*
C x
When you have separate places, the contrast between life with you and life with him will become much more obvious to the kids.
You are right to anticipate other irritations - washing never done, but instead a large bag of dirty washing delivered back with the children. No homework done in 'his time' ... all gets done in yours, eating into potential time for fun. No friends to play when with him, lots of friend contact when with you.
But you will be happier, and that will rub off on the kids. One step at a time - you're going in the right direction.
xxx
I've watched similar from the outside in my brothers bust up.
He just had to totally disengage from it all and move forward on his terms.
Easy said - very hard to do.
Hopefully you'll be able to find peace soon. Living in this state of flux must be hard on everyone, especially the children. They DO realize they're the pawns stuck in the middle. At least I did, in the years of contention I lived within as a child. But children are very resilient, and at least in my case, tough times help form character, too.
Such an awkward situation, hopefully it will be resolved soon. My thoughts are with you.
I just got back off holiday and am trying to catch up with blog reading.
I agree like so many others he sounds so childish..it must be so hard for the children as well.
I am reeling that he is going to have them for four nights, is that every week? :0( x
Very sad situation. Why cannot he be man enough to put the happiness of his children first. It's a sorry state when someone who once loved you can be so mean and cruel, not to mention heartless. He will never find peace and happiness carrying on like this, whereas you certainly will Sub. Hang in there and stay as strong as you can♥ Linda xoxo
When a women is hurt, she shows it, when a man is hurt, he lashes out by hurting others. It's dreadful that he behaves in this way, but you are doing the right thing in not letting him see it get to you. A reaction is what he wants.
God, this man bloody annoys the feck out of me.............
Get out of this bitter relationship as soon as is feasibly possible.
What a nasty, peevish bastard!
Sorry not usually given to bad words but he takes the fecking biscuit.
And if he did take the biscuit, I bet, he wouldn't share it with a starving person begging at his door.
Selfish, boorish, god, I have no words.
Let's hope he meets someone who is his equal in the Horrible Person Stakes, then he will get his come uppance.
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