What Luverly Curls!

Small Sprog has been off school - he does a good 'dying duck' act and I'm never sure how ill he really is! Anyway, after 4 days off with a weekend in between I decide enough's enough and make a doctors appointment for him. In the car he suddenly looks a lot better- after a short talk - can you actually look ill because I've blagged my way into a same day appointment- we arrive.

We are 3 minutes late so the automatic, germ infested, self signer- inner directs us to a human being on reception- a very nice older lady - who can book us in. "Name?" She enquired "Small Sprog" I say as suddenly she looks up from her screen and sees him for the first time; "Ooo what lovely hair" she exclaims "people would die for those curls!" He shuffles a bit and looks at his feet as she continues " If only my hair was like that"

We walk into the waiting room and sit down. Small Sprog hates the waiting room. He hates the doctors and has a mortal fear of needles and health related implements. He fidgets uncomfortably.

For once the room is not packed with bodies, just a few older ladies who all seem to know each other. They home in on Small Sprog...

"Ooo 'asn't 'e got luverly 'air" says one

"Beautiful" says another

"So much off it" interjects the third

"And so curly"

They talk about him like he's not in the room as Small Sprog gets smaller and smaller, shrinking into his seat. "Can we go now?" he stage whispers whilst smiling politely at them. He learned to smile sweetly at a very young age- it always works wonders and invariably gets him out of most sticky situations- unfortunately a grin at this instant wasn't one of those situations!

"And what luverly teeth!" One of them continues

"Ooo 'e's lucky 'e is!"

" 'e reminds me of that pop star"

"Oh yes " says the other "Marc somebody?"

"Bowland" I say helpfully

"That's the one, spitting image ..."

Oh no, I think to myself, please don't try to hug him or pet him or anything because I think he will just combust!

"Such lovely weather we're having" I interject, trying to divert their attention.

"Oh yes" they all nod as the doctor appears at the waiting room door. He rockets out of his seat so fast it's hard to catch him- I don't think he's ever been so keen to see a doctor in his whole life!

Knickers or no knickers? Definitely knickers is the answer!

I went to see Mum in hospital today. I have to say she's looking much brighter and the anaesthetic seems to be almost out of her system. Last Friday watching her was quite disturbing. It was as though someone kept pressing the 'standby' button on a remote control somewhere; every now and then she'd 'power down' for a few seconds, close her eyes and seemingly go to sleep, then wake again with very little idea of what had just been said. She was on Morphine too, which possibly didn't help and something was making her sick.

Roll forward a few days and she's much more like herself. They have her out of bed now and she's sitting in a chair with her legs up. This, to me, looks much like the position she is in in bed but there you go, I'm no nurse, and it's given her something to think about.

As I approach she says she didn't know I was coming - she had forgotten - and she looked as if she didn't have her bottom teeth in. In fact I'm sure of it, though she did have some lipstick remains. She was wearing a fairly short nightie and had an icepack on her knee.

'Dad's taken my washing' she stated
'You said he didn't know how to work the machine' I replied. (How could a man of 81 who is pretty handy at mending most things not be able to work a washing machine?)
'Well I think he did'
'I'll have a look' - she had forgotten that I offered to take her washing home with me- 'Here it is' I say, brandishing a clear plastic bag containing another nighty 'is that it?'
'Oh yes' she says proudly 'I'm still not wearing any knickers!'
'Well, mum, they are very short nightie's and I really think you should wear some' I say, having been facing her -  chair to chair for a while!
'We're all girls in here you know' she shouts blithely, as I insist 'I still think you should start wearing knickers'
In contrast I am wearing, what I hope is, a stern look!

Please can I grow old gracefully Lord?!

Mothering

How long should I expect my mother to 'mother'? Am I being unreasonable? I mean, should mothers give up when you get married, have children, buy your own house? I don't know the answer.

Having been though counselling as part of my year long counselling course she has been the topic of a few sessions - apparently that's common, we mothers are tricky beings who mess up their kids lives, some of us even unintentionally.

So I am wiser than I was this time last year. I know why I feel abandoned when she doesn't listen, dismisses what's going on in my life, can only see things from her point of view and when she seems to be the centre of her own universe. Funny that last one; as an only child I thought that was my perogative! 

I rang her tonight. I have something big and not at all good going on in my life ( thankfully not health related - more work orientated) which I've not told her yet as I wanted to see her face to face to tell her but seeing as I've also had food poisoning, so I'm feeling pretty rubbish and haven't made it over for a visit I decided not to tell her on the phone. But she asks a question to which I had to answer " I think it's better if I tell you when I see you" - it was water off a ducks back, she picked nothing up - like she didn't really hear ( I wanted some small concern at least- if she'd pushed me I'd have told her anyway as I'm so upset about it) and she continued to regale me with tales of woe about getting to grips with her new phone! It's all about her I thought - unfairly perhaps?

She's booked in for a knee replacement on Thursday, which has been postponed several times, I know she's in a state about going in to hospital but as it's been on the cards for so long now it's made her wish it was all over and that seems to be a good thing as 'getting it over with' is superseding the panic about dying in hospital! I wanted to see her before she went in but in case I'm contagious ( could be a bug) she's cancelled my visit.

Over the months I've tried to reassure her about the op, I've done my best, I've given advice - adamantly rejected, and tried to suggest how to relax -'don't tell me what to do' responses. So I'm definitely done with mothering her! But is it so wrong to want her to ask about me, care about me and see I have stuff going on too? For goodness sake we all have 'stuff' going on! And even though I know why I feel abandoned when she doesn't listen to what I say, it still hurts and I'm left with that feeling for a long time.

And even as I write this I remember no one is immortal ...